If it's really rank, I try to wipe the seat the best I can, which is what I voted for. Otherwise, I hover.

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I'm the only geek I know who has to flush twice. Or who clicks on links in people's sigs.

As long as the seat's dry, it's worthy, otherwise I'll wipe it. Hovering would be a great option, except that requires some muscle - my last attempts at hovering ended up in a swift, yet graceful mounting. I also highly recommend the pre-flush - a cold splash is bad enough without the mystery of what nasties your predecessor might have left behind.

I went with hover. The least number of body parts touching anything, the better!

Sorry guys, but I`m neither proud nor particularly bothered about the seat as long as it`s dry. You can always have a wash later. And let`s face it, there`s a lot of bullshit around about what you can pick up from dirty toilet seats. I voted to sit down and get on with it - hovering can result in disaster.

I wouldn't risk hovering especially if it is a liquid shit. Sit down and add your own bit of grime to the already dirty bog. Just make sure you don't flush so the next person can admire your log

I hover. Except when grossly pregnant, when it is hard to hold up in the position and still see to aim.

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So I told Katrina that I love Cajun and so she said, "I'll have to give that a try."
That was a disaster in the making.
After all was said and done, I said, "I meant Cajun FOOD not Cajuns themselves!"
Unfortunately, by that point she'd already told Rita.

This might be going a bit too far, TSV, but I know you can pee standing. Do you think there's a (good) way to poop standing?

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I'm the only geek I know who has to flush twice. Or who clicks on links in people's sigs.

I would hover or go behind a parked car outside. I usually don't have a problem holding it for an eternity. One of these days I'm just gunna shit my pants because I've held it too long. Ugg!

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Poop Shooter!

I can hover sometimes if i really need to, but I'm not used to it and my legs can't always hold me up like that for very long, especially after a particularly lengthy walk, i.e. walking around all of campus out of pure boredom.

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I'm the only geek I know who has to flush twice. Or who clicks on links in people's sigs.

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3flusher By the time I reach the stall it's time to defacate, not deliberate!

Luckily I have always been able to give a few seconds to wiping, in the case that there is something visible on the seat. Maybe one day I will be where I don't have a choice. But yeah, 3flusher, I can see how sometimes you just need to go as soon as you get there or you're going to get your pants full of shit.

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Um, yeah. My sig. So, about that... I'm not doing one this week.

Quick check, dry and no marks sit and go. If I have to go NOW! Ill attempt the hover and worry about washing my arse in the sink afterwards.

To Heck with it, if you are one of the few proud poopreporters, you will shit just about anywhere! I know i do. The grossest thing I ever saw was semen on the seat. Wiped it up and kept going. Peace to Dave!

Double Flush, I am not a practicer of hover pooping except in the emergency stated above. The way to hover poop, or poop standing, is to lean back, aim your ass over the bowl, and spread your cheeks with your hands before you push. That way you don't draw on your buttcheeks with a poo crayon, which is really messy when you want to get out of the pigsty bathroom you have been forced to use.

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So I told Katrina that I love Cajun and so she said, "I'll have to give that a try."
That was a disaster in the making.
After all was said and done, I said, "I meant Cajun FOOD not Cajuns themselves!"
Unfortunately, by that point she'd already told Rita.

I went for just sit down and drop the log or wet squirts. I have caused a mess when i had the squirts and tried to hover, meaning it has got on my and in my ppants and undies. So I just sit down aslong as seat is dry if i have drop a turd real bad

i drunk and my post doesn't make too much sense.

TSV - that's a great idea, but I'm having trouble picturing the physics of it. I can see it leaning forward, but not leaning back. And what do you do with the vulnerable garments around your ankles? If the toilet seat's disgusting, chances are the rest of the toilet and floor are, too. I should get practicing! Maybe someday they'll invent insta-toilets that you can pull out of your purse or pocket, instantly inflate by throwing onto the ground, and can be disposed of as a completely sealed package into a trash can.

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squeeze and pray.

TSV and all you other guys that can hover - I take it that you piss before dumping, as a dump generally includes at least a modicum of pissing. Or else you`ld all wet yourselves while trying to stay dry from not sitting on a wet seat, which would be kind of ironic.

Yeah Thunderbox, I always pee just before or while pooping. On the off chance I have to hover (i.e. gas station with shit caked on the seat, and this poll is in a situation where you cant hold it anymore) I pee standing first, then drop trou and do what needs to be done. I can only think of two times when this has ever come up, and I had to stand up between pushes to regain leg strength. That alone made it a million wiper for the already clogged toilet.

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Um, yeah. My sig. So, about that... I'm not doing one this week.

Grinchygut, I see what you're saying. I meant that you lean your shoulders forward but push your ass backward. I only do this hover method with my pants completely removed, usually slung over the door, to keep them out of the nasty cesspool on the floor.

Thunderbox, yes, I do piss before pooping. As a girl, the hover poop method is not as much of an issue as it may be for a guy, whose equipment sticks out over his feet. It is very hard for either gender to hover poop and piss at the same time.

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"Just kidding!"- Alberto

Fuck shit wherever as long as its not on a dirty toilet seat! Why dirty your summoner of unholy might?

Hover or squat option here.
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It's not nice to fool mother nature.

Back about the time I started kindergarten when my family traveled by car, my parents took an old-style car inner-tube in the truck for such occasions as dirty toilets. Both my sister and I, she is two years older, took turns using it many times at highway rest stops. It would fit almost perfectly over the seat and my parents taught us to carry it in by holding the nozzle. By the time my sister started middle school, my mom started to buy small packages of toilet seat covers which you just carry in your purse and pull out of a package like you would personal Kleenex. You unfold it and place it over the seat before you sit on it. The biggest problem is that it's folded up several times over and you have to carefully unfold it so that it covers the whole seat. At my university I've had several girls complain about how dirty the toilets are...some have gone to stores such as Walgreens and purchased the seat covers. Others continue to complain about having to sit down at places such as our large basketball arena and then hope for the best. My roommate occasionally asks for one when she's with me because of the cold seats. However, my boyfriend found them a couple months ago in my purse when he was looking for the car keys and thought the idea was laughable. He said none of his friends would be caught dead using one. Am I wrong to think they could use a personal hygiene lesson?

I won't refer to any of the sorority girl stereotypes because LCC has probably heard them all. In college I seriously dated a sorority girl. I found that I was the hygiene freak. I was the one who would put paper down over the public toilet seat; she would sit right down without a second thought! I would wash my hands thoroughly; she would just get them wet. Once, when visiting her apartment, I walked in on her roommate who was on the stool and had toilet paper under her. After I later apologized for invading her privacy, I did ask her about why she covers the seat of a private toilet. She said her parents had taught her that years ago. Their rule-of-thumb was that if you don't know what a butt has sat on during a given day, you should put paper down. When I later told my girlfriend, she seemed offended that her friend would do that in her apartment. But I guess you can't be too careful. Now we've been married nine years and my wife and I continue to have different beliefs regarding restroom hygiene. I put toilet paper down for our 5-year-old son when he has to shit in public; she just lets our 8-year-old daughter go in on her own and doesn't worry about her contact with the seat.

To hell with it... better in the toilet than in or on my clothes. Then again, shitting myself isn't anything new this year.

I'm 17 and my sister, who teases me as being a "germophobe", is 15. I'm a senior who has never taken a crap at my high school. I hold it until I get home, or if I stop at a friend's house...we'll that's what friends are for. We are the second largest high school in our state and with the exception of the bathrooms between the auditorium and gymnasium,which are locked by the way when games, concerts and plays are not scheduled, are open stall. When I stop in to pee, I think I've only seen two guys sitting on toilet paper. What's most appalling to me is the number of guys who seek some privacy by using the stalls for peeing, but NOT lifting the seat. While I was at the large sink washing my hands, I noticed one very young-looking boy, probably a freshman, head into a stall that had urine on the seat and sit right down. I guess he didn't think of wiping it off.
My sister, however, some days uses the bathroom four or five times because she has sports practice and is also on the debate team. She doesn't have any problem sitting down, although she says she sometimes has to wipe urine off the seat because some of the girls pee standing (gee, I wonder why!). Yesterday after school she was late and pissed for our car pool because she finished her task on the stool and went to wipe, and there was no toilet paper. She blames it on a few of the girls who she said waste toilet paper by stacking large amounts over the seat before sitting down. It may be us "germophobes" are larger in number than she thinks.

I agree with Germophobe's sister. Too much paper is used to cover simple toilet seats that probably don't need to be covered. This is especially true in school bathrooms. I've been sitting down on the bare seats for 16 years and, about once a week, I come across a really groooss example of wasted paper, so much so that it can never be disposed of in a single flush. I find it bizarre that so many of my fellow students will waste so much paper on the seat but then neglect to do the most (at least according to what I've been taught) important thing and that is wash their hands! A few days ago I was at a Bob Seger concert and I had to wipe shoe footprints off the seat before I sat down. I'm appalled that a person would stand on the seat to hover pee and especially not fall and break their back. The Germophobes of both genders are really scary people and I fear they are raising scary children who are even spookier! Classic rock lovers, included!

I can remember being taken to the local peacock farm as a young lad and I needed to have a plop so went into one of the stalls and if it wasn't bad enough that the toilet door kept opening and I had to keep a hand on it, there was also a rather large dollop of poo on the toilet seat. I decided to squat over the hole and have a good push and really went for it. A little while later, I heard a sound that I knew wasn't right. I should have heard a splash or even perhaps a thump as it hit the other turds on the seat but nope, my shit was now floating in the piss pool on the floor by the side of the toilet. I then discovered the toilet paper was that really hard stuff which just sort of moves everything around, so I left there slightly squelching and with a couple of flies already buzzing round their dinner!

being that i drive truck for a living, and have to use public restrooms almost all of the time, the paper thing kinda seems like a waste. 10 years of using bare seats and no worries. if i get anything ill tell you, but im not worried. just use a little common sense and wash your hands.

I tend to agree with Clair and Dirty Trucker, however, my mother is insistent that when I'm with her, that I put paper down or straddle the seats. ALL of my best friends sit directly down and think nothing of it. And that's despite the fact that dispensers with toilet seat liners for us at school. Very few of the girls use them, although my boyfriend said he would (but the boys' rooms don't have them) so he puts sheets over the seats before sitting down. My step-mom agrees with that approach, although my biological mom is appalled that I would sit directly on a public toilet seat. What should I do???

About 15 years ago I was largely in the same situation as Macy. When we were out together shopping, getting lunch, etc. my mom would make a big deal about me using the bathroom so much that I was going to "catch something." I was about 13 then and all I wanted to do was pee or poop (when I could do both in one sitting it was a great day because it pretty much guaranteed that there would be less conflict later on that day).

It took me a while to learn the "perfect time" to excuse myself: 1)when we had just been served and she was hungry, 2) when mom had several outfits laid out and was evaluating how they would fit in with her wardrobe; 3) almost at the last possible moment before a movie started; 4) when she just starting to pump gas; 5) when we would be traveling together, I would wait in the car until she went in first and then would use one of the toilets at the far end.

Otherwise, the problem would be I would announce that I had to go...and this was sooooo embarrassing in front of my friends...she would ask if it was #l or #1. It made me feel like I was more than 10 years younger and that I wasn't being trusted. She would often say at the mall and I said #2 "We'll why don't you wait honey, we'll be home within the hour" or if I had to pee at an auditorium event like a circus, "If you hadn't been drinking so much, you wouldn't have to go!" She'd tell me about her aunt who lives in Spokane and has never sat down on a public toilet (I don't ever remembering her visiting us--she's probably a camel).

Once I got into high school, some of my friends complained about having to use the bathrooms (stools clogged by feminine hygiene products, a few girls peeing on the seats rather than sitting down, lack of privacy, etc.) I didn't much mind. I liked having my independence. Even today, when I have an immediate need to go and the restroom is dirty, I still cherish my freedom and independence.

This is one great site! I discovered it while sitting waiting to crap and quite constipated at my school. Carved into the wood on the stall door was "I shat a shit worthy of PoopReport.com!" This was about a month ago and the first story I read was about Francine, the girl who claimed someone else's shit to appease her bitchy mother. There seems to be a great mix of serious topics and humor. Although I wasn't able to go that day at school (despite the fact that I went in and sat down three times and and got to miss portions of my three least favorite classes)but that evening I had to drive down to the Greyhound terminal and pick up my grandmother (she's 85 and doesn't drive)for a visit.

I was early and felt that the 20-ounce Dr. Pepper I had drank on the way down was about to help evacuate me. There were only four working stalls so I had to wait. I wasn't sure I could hold it any more when finally the door opened and I brushed by one large overweight lady who was slow in exiting and almost forgot one of her bags, and pulled my skirt up, dropped my underwear with record speed, and finally connected with the seat just as my four day inventory was already hitting the bowl. Such relief!

Although I was sensitive to the fact that there was a line, I sat for a few seconds longer, wondering if the few pieces of toilet paper remaining on the roll would be sufficient for the wiping job that was needed, when I saw a foot and shoe from the stall on the left slowly come toward me as if it was somebody nervously sitting on the stool and moving their feet out of boredom. Then I heard a tap like the seat being lifted and and hitting the back of the plumbing. Next, with the foot like glued to the floor partially under my partition, I heard a plop, plopping noise that went on for about a minute and a half. The foot never moved even when I heard the toilet paper roll being spun. Finally, the foot altogether disappeared. I was curious as to what was happening so I quickly (more so that I should have because I ended up soiling my underwear)wiped, flushed and went to the sink. As I washed my hands, I was watching in the mirror for the door to open. I was so curious as to what kind of person would use such a strange procedure to go to the bathroom.

When the door opened I was more suprised; it was my grandmother whom I had not seen for three years! She said she had been taught by her mother when she was a young girl during the depression that when traveling,it is better not to sit directly on the toilet seat, but rather to squat over and go. Spreading her feet so wide, even at her age, gives her better balance in such situations.

While I love grandma very much, I don't think I could ever learn to do that. I mentioned it to my mom a few days later and she said the "squat" is more difficult than many women think and that grandma has gotten especially good at it despite her being a rather large woman.

I now know that when bathrooms are dirty and you can't hold it, there are options. I just don't see myself trying them any time soon.

I pretty much have to take a shit every day, about an hour after lunch. At my school the bathrooms can be pretty gross by that hour. I usually pee before school (thanks to a Starbucks right across the street!) but when I have to poop, I just don't feel good sitting directly down on the seat. Often, I will check out several stalls before putting my purse down and preparing to go. I take toilet paper strips and line the sides and front of the seat before I sit down. I do get frustrated at times because the fan from the vent or just the suction of flushing (usually someone else's pee/and/or shit)will cause the paper to slide off and it takes me a while to get it positioned properly. Then sometimes if I move around too much I find myself getting off the paper, but it's probably better than nothing. I frequently see girls come in, sit down and go (in a stall I've rejected because there's not toilet paper) and then they get pissed when they have to wipe. I do feel some guilt for taking up so much time and toilet paper. There's probably more carefree girls like Skye out there. However, I don't feel okey about directly sitting on a toilet seat away from home. I've tried to squat like her grandmother but I think that is gross and it hurts me. What other options do it have? I've told my brother who is 18 that he has it easy because he doesn't have to sit down each time. However, he said he sits down at least once a day to shit at school and most of the guys think nothing of it. Am I that weird???

Mid-Day Shitter is weird. I'm with Skye and Clair, drop your panties, pee or shit, wash your hands, and then get on with life. There are many times when there is an empty roll of toilet paper because of all the seat wiping and seat covering going on. And that situation is usually later in the day, when the custodians are re-arranging/cleaning the cafeteria or setting up the athletic complex for games. Checking the paper available in 30 or 40 stalls just doesn't get done. I'm a freshman and just accept the situation for what it is. The problem comes sometimes when I have a major shit, there's no wiping paper and I have to visit adjacent stalls in order to sit down and clean myself. But I'm not as dumb as a girl in my 3rd hour. She hurried in to pee, threw herself on the toilet but didn't notice that the seat was up. Everyone was talking about how dumb she was but I felt sorry for her because she can't help it she's special ed!

As long it it a closed door or a bathroom stall with a door, I don't care and I will just pull my pants and underwear down to my ankles and just poop.______
-Sam aka bknightshadow

Has anyone been to Italy? Many "restrooms" there don't even have toilets, just a hole in the floor. I have definitely perfected the hover

Even if a bathroom is dirty, I will still sit down to pee or shit. My grandma, just the opposite of Skye's situation, taught me there was nothing wrong with just sitting down and she says sometimes you just have to make the best of it. There have been times when we've been traveling and there are doorless stalls and sometimes pee on the seats and no toilet paper in any of the stalls, but Grandma just sits down. She said when she was younger she learned that you can get urinary tract infections by holding in your pee. On the other hand, Mom will try and find a cleaner bathroom or, like Skye described, squat-pee. Each day at school some of the stools are pretty filthy by noon, but I still sit down and pee or poop. Some of my friends will take extra time to visit all the available stalls and compare the condition of each before making a selection. As for me, the first one is fine. I sit down, eliminate what I have to, wash my hands, and get back to class. It's strange, I feel, that so many people are worried about using public toilets. When you gotta go, you gotta go and there's always a hot bath or shower when I get home.

What April said is correct. I observed it last week at the Hannah Montana concert. "Some of my friends will take extra time to visit all the available stalls and compare the condition of each before making a selection." I was waiting immediately outside my daughters' stall while she peed. While I was waiting to use the stall, a mother and daughter came rushing in and the girl was holding her crotch and starting to cry. She must have followed her mom down the two rows with about 10 stalls each. Each of about six or seven stalls was looked at and discussed when finally the one directly across from us was selected. The girl, about 10 or 11, was pleading with the mom, who went in first and wiped the seat off, before giving her daughter the OK to go in, sit down and go. I see that as a form of child abuse. April, you have the right idea!

Depending on how dirty it is, I will either clean the seat as best I can and then sit, or simply raise it, hover in a semi-crouch, and go. I will NOT leave the place without having pooped if I really have to. I have learned never to pass up an available restroom if I need it--I never know when I'll fine the next one.

It depends where I am and who is with me. Like if I'm at BP Amoco for gas and have to pee and I have one of my school friends with me, I'll sit right down and chances are she will too. However, if my grandma is with me, I know that I'm expected to put paper over the seat first just like she does or she will lecture me. My mom, by the way, is a little more lenient, but believes I should at least at a minimum wipe the seat off. When we're at a place like the Civic Center, my grandma will hover pee--she's tried to teach me, but I just can't seem to get it and as a result I get a stream going down my inner leg. So when she's around, I put a liner of toilet paper over the seat. At school, like most of my friends, I sit right down and don't think anything of it. If there's some urine splashed on the seat, I wipe it off although some of my friends don't seem to mind sitting in it. Though, one of my friends has this packet of paper toilet seat liners that she carries in her purse for such occasions.

Just so you know, Ladies, hover peeing has created more messes than it has avoided. In your quest to keep your dainty asses from coming in contact with the toilet seat, you compound the problem.

P.S. Every other lady in that restroom thinks your ass is just as nasty as you think theirs are.

Trying to pee while in an unnatural position is what causes the wet-downs. Unless ass-antigravity is discovered they will continue to hover on wobbly knees.

I voted for trying to make the seat usable. I will take extra time to find a stall that is relatively clean, has toilet paper, and usually hope and pray that the bathroom is not packed with people. Optimally, I like the single seaters or better yet the unisex bathrooms. But if those are not an option, I will make the best of what a have available to me, rather than endure stomach pains. Recently, I went to a minor league baseball game in Jupiter, and I had to shit really bad, my medication for my IBS had kicked in, and the men's room was quite dark. As a precaution, I got a wad of TP and wiped the seat, and just in the nick of time took care of business. My friend who was with me asked me twice if I was ok, because I had to go soooooo bad and took a while. When I need to go, I NEED to go.

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In search of the ever evasive BM

Shitake, I hear that gravity on Jupiter is really intense. Did your turds weigh like about half a ton? Did they make a real big splash?

Prarie...I was actually referring to Jupiter, Florida, on planet Earth, in the US of A...

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In search of the ever evasive BM

Oh.....never mind then.