Just over a year ago, I decided to design and build my dream home. A few weeks ago, I officially moved into the digs where I expect to spend the rest of my life with my companion, Will. The house has everything I need to relax and write my stories. There's a long, winding road that snakes through three acres of hardwood and pine forest and ends up overlooking a tranquil little pond that lulls me to sleep with its frog and cricket and cicada noises every night. There are twenty-three-foot shed roof ceilings, lots of ceiling fans for keeping the utility bills down, and all sorts of unexpected vistas seen through skylights and windows strategically placed both high and low on the walls. The house is all about bringing the outside in and using windows as paintings.

But the pride and joy of my home is my Ultimate Spa/Bathroom -- which, featuring a twenty-foot shed roof ceiling, is bigger than either of the two bedrooms.

I grew up detesting tiny, dark, cramped bathrooms that were clearly designed as afterthoughts rather than focal points of daily living. My attitude has always been that the bathroom should be a joyful and relaxing place to spend time doing the things we all have to do, whether it be bathing, shaving, primping, peeing, or pooping. My Shamelessness allows me to fully share this bathroom with my companion with no reservations whatsoever, and so it offers a number of features that those who are more Shameful or more modest would probably not appreciate.

Along one wall are three fixtures that make sense for two adult men sharing a house together: a toilet, a bidet, and a urinal. Will has already pointed out that we no longer have to worry about putting the toilet seat up when peeing so as not to inadvertently decorate it. The urinal is a practical concession to our anatomies, and it is working out every bit as efficiently as I thought it might. (Though I concede that the inclusion of a urinal might not be practical for other family arrangements; I am only speaking for myself and my companion here.)

Both of us use the toilet, therefore, for pooping only. And, yes, there have been instances in which one has been using the urinal while the other has been reading on the pot. There is no need to take a number, even if both of us have to poop, because there is a guest bathroom with another toilet for that eventuality.

As for the bidet, I have to confess that before last week I had never used one. I wasn't sure if I would like it, but I wanted to have one in the house because the device had gotten such good press in the three-and-a-half years I've been involved with PoopReport. Many of you have read a particularly helpful and instructional article [1] on the subject of bidet usage; I did refer back to it before undertaking my maiden voyage.

The procedure proved to be a simple one. I just adjusted the hot and cold faucets until I had a comfortable temperature and flow and then straddled the porcelain pony. I was immediately pleased with the sensation of the warm water gently gushing against my asscrack. I had done a bit of wiping beforehand, but the flow of the bidet finished the job. When I did a check-up wipe after a couple of minutes of mini-Old Faithful action, I was spotless. (And let me add that the sensation of the warm water soothing my nether regions is addictive. I really didn't want to get up. I can't imagine why bidets have gotten bad press in this country -- I think they fall under the category of warm and fuzzy plumbing.)

My Ultimate Spa/Bathroom also features a Jacuzzi in the center of the room with a skylight directly above it. Although Will and I are both shower guys, we have the Jacuzzi as an occasional alternative; and I have to admit it is somewhat of a rush to look up into the trees while taking a leisurely soak. But for more routine occasions, there's the double shower stall with glass door. Each of us has our own showerhead and caddy, and there's a practical changing bench for toweling off, disrobing, or just admiring the scenery. There's a can light directly above the stall, as well as a ceiling fan and light kit nearby for all the illumination and circulation one might need during a lengthy, steamy shower.

Another custom feature of the bathroom is the built-in hamper counter with additional storage for toiletries. Each of us has an open square on either end of the counter into which we drop dirty clothes. We can retrieve them for laundering by opening the cabinet door beneath. There's an extra mirror along that wall as well.

I think I'm most proud of the specially-commissioned pottery shaving sinks -- one for each of us -- along with a custom, jigsaw-design pottery counter. My builder put me in touch with a very talented woman who specializes in major pottery projects of this sort, and she came through with flying (blue and white) colors. It involved some extra expense, but I felt the end result justified the extravagance. The sinks are one-of-a-kind and will never be duplicated -- and perhaps one day they will become collector's items. Unfortunately, as of this writing, neither Will nor I have been able to use these sinks because the special faucets for them have not yet come in. (What you see in the picture are still the pipes from the plumbing rough-in.) But I have no doubt that we will soon enjoy these unusual designs, reminiscent to me of gigantic clam shells brought up from the bottom of the sea.

This is a very soothing and cool bathroom -- and I mean that in every way. There is a window that opens on the backside of the house, and, with the ceiling fan going, there is always a breeze in the bathroom. I deliberately chose a blue and white color scheme because it echoes the blue of the sky and the white of the clouds you can see through the skylight. And, of course, there is a touch of green coming from both the outside and the palm tree inside.

It is an environment that Will and I are already enjoying very much. We both look forward to all of the ablutions we perform in there, and we always keep the adjoining doors to our bedrooms open so that we can catch glimpses of that beautiful blue throughout the day. It is everything I think a bathroom should be: high concept. Inviting. A room that begs to be used and appreciated as much or more than any of the other rooms in the house.