I was at my job at Disneyworld, and I really had to poop. It wasn't the poop that could be held until I got home from work -- no, it was the mammoth-in-your-ass kind of poop that makes you walk a little funny. I did my funky little "I have to poop" shuffle to the bathroom; thankfully, it was empty. I am not really a Shameful Shitter, but if I have to create ass-havoc, I don't want anyone to know that I am the culprit of such terrorist acts. In addition, I have a hard time shitting at work because I refuse to sit on public toilets. There's no Lysol to sanitize, and there is no way that I am letting my behind touch something that that disgusting.

So I was going to have to do a squat-shit.

Therefore, I had to try to shit as fast as possible because squatting and shitting can get very uncomfortable very quickly. I started to go when I ran into a few problems. First, I used too many toilet-liners because I was afraid I might have to sit to shit anyway. This meant I used like eight liners -- again, I wanted some protection. My second mistake was to not take out the centers of the liners, so when the first bit of shit landed on the paper, the full force of the stinky was released into the bathroom. (And boy was it stinky!) Thirdly, the bulk of my poop was not coming out easily, which meant I needed to either push harder, or sit on the toilet. And the second option was not going to happen. Ew.

Just as I was in the middle of my shit, somebody else came into the bathroom. I panicked, because I could smell the poop -- it reeked -- and I was not sure if I could finish before they did. I was also afraid that it was somebody that I worked with, and since the people in my area knew I was in the bathroom, I was terrified of being teased about the horrid smell I created.

I really wanted to wait until they left and then exit after them, but they were taking forever and I didn't want to have to smell the shit longer than needed. So I gave a great push and wiped my ass as fast as I could -- which was my final mistake, because I wiped shit all over my ass and then had to use a lot of toilet paper so that I would not smell like shit. (I am very sensitive about smelling good.) Unfortunately, I used too much and the toilet almost overflowed when I flushed.

I seriously could not stop snickering -- the other person in the bathroom probably thought I was crazy -- because I could imagine the face of the person unfortunate enough to have to clean my vile deposit.

About an hour or two later, I had to poop again. The first toilet was still pretty clogged, so I had to go to the next shitter over. The same thing happened, but this time I noticed that I had some shit on my tampon string. I almost died because I didn't have a spare tampon with me, so I wiped off as much as I could and prayed that nobody would notice that I had a whiff of shit about me. Then I had the same problem of too much toilet paper -- again -- and clogged a second pooper. Somehow, I managed to some shit on my finger, and no matter how much I scrubbed my hand, I couldn't get the nasty smell of shit off of it until I borrowed some lotion from a guy I work with.

I am now an official shit terrorist. The ironic thing is that every time I had to poop at work after this horrific experience, I continued to use too much toilet paper and clog the toilets.