The disaster referenced in the title of this missive refers to my recent experience with rectal cancer. I was diagnosed in April 2005. Following chemotherapy and radiation treatment, I had successful surgery on August 30 of that year. The recent one-year anniversary of my surgery got me thinking about PoopReport once again -- after all, the philosophical contemplation of defecation is never more poignant than when one has faced the possibility of never defecating again (in the traditional sense, at least). Thanks to my surgeon and seven hours on the operating table, I still possess a nearly normal digestive tract that empties as it was designed, rather than into a colostomy bag [1].
My experience with poop over the last eighteen months has varied from fear (lots of pain in the pre-treatment months) to the sublime (the gradual return to nearly normal function over the past year). The stories on PoopReport are often most entertaining in their description of the extremes of one of our most fundamental processes, and rightly so. My post-surgical experience has led me in the opposite direction -- one with no entertainment value. Call it the Zen of Poop, perhaps: the appreciation of a completely uneventful visit to the throne. The joy that can be found in the mundane. The return to near-normalcy has freed me once again to enjoy PoopReport's accounts of pooping en extremis.
Let me close with a word to the wise. Do not do as I did -- e.g. rationalize, ignore, lie to yourself, and so on. If something doesn't seem right in the nether regions, get a checkup! The colonoscopy procedure [2] is a breeze -- the colon prep the day before is the worst part. The cleansing protocol using a prescription laxative called Miralax makes even the prep work fairly easy, though. Ask for it by name. Trust me on this point -- I've had three butt-scopes in the last eighteen months, and the (nearly) tasteless Miralax is the way to go. If your doctor insists on the technique that forces you to drink a gallon of a vile material called Colyte, find another doctor! I had to drink Colyte for my first colonoscopy, and it makes Mountain Dew Pitch Black seem like Dom Perignon by comparison.
With that, I'll sign off -- the kids are telling me they're ready to go to the pool. I look forward to an uneventful experience.
