My anus is always itchy. Sometimes I can't stop scratching. There are a few small lumps... what could this be?

Dear Laura,

Thanks for the question!

Sounds like hemmorhoids to me. Those rascals can get quite annoying when they think you aren't paying enough attention to them.

Make sure you wash your butt with a nice mild soap when showering. Use some baby wipes after each visit to the bathroom, don't wear thongs, and keep the area dry.

If this doesn't help, go see a doctor. Don't you people have a National Health Service, or am I (as usual) badly misinformed on such issues?

Good luck.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse [1]

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility. Got a question for her? [2]