Whenever I go into a card shop, library, or bookstore, the smell of all that paper makes my bowels want to empty immediately. Any insight into this quirky bung habit?

Dear Poonami,

It is really quite simple.

You have obviously at some point wiped your ass with a discarded Valentine's card, or with pages from a book that you keep by the can to read while dropping a load. Your ass, believe it or not, has a finely tuned memory for the types of materials it comes in contact with, and a well-developed sense of smell.

There is really no cure for this, unfortunately. Sorry I couldn't have been more help.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse [1]

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility. Got a question [2] for her?