For those of you who don't know what the Bristol scale is, observe it here:



I'm a 4 mostly, or a 3. Personally, I think the scale is well-made, but it was probably made by some weird fuck because it associates poop with sausage and nuts way too much for my liking.

type one kinda look like whoppers and type five remind me of chocolate covered gummy bears mmmmm
im normally either 3 or 4 depending on what I ate

#3. I prefer the term "dirt-pickle".
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Pug-Fug. It happens.

The chart pictures are grossing me out today in a rare show of squeamishness. How embarrassing. I did pick 5 because lately, there are quite a lot of kids diving into the pool.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Just dropped 15" of number 3 this morning after breakfast - a quality floater that broke into 3 bits.

Though I voted as a #4, I am an intermediate pooper.

My poops usually start out as a 2 or 3, but the majority is always a 4.
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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

I'm usually a 3 or 4, but lately its been anywhere between 1 and 5! Pregnancy totally fucks with my guts!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Definetly #6 and they come on quick and release violently. Especially after intake of mango. This is a big problem as I work in a warehouse in which the bathroom is usually at least a hundred yards away and in another building. I've had a few very bad experiences. Just the usual "I shit my self on the way" things so it would never get posted here. Maybe if I come up with enough witty sayings...

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

I remember being in a hospital room when I was a kid that had that chart on the wall...thank God I couldn't read at the time.

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Holy skid marks Batman!

Ha! You "read" poop pictures? Excellent comment.....

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

You think that's funny. Imagine how MWoS would read it if she were blind. Squishy or lumpy?

I had to vote 4, since "Type 8 shaped like Baby Jesus smelling of Frankincense and myrrh, capable of turning other cheeks" wasn't on there.

This weekend I was a 2, but it's only because I didn't eat my normal fiber-full fruits. I'm normally an easy-going 3.

Bilgepump's category is much better than that gross chart.

Thank goodness there is not a Bristol odor chart. Type 1: can't distinguish my smell from the potpourri to Type 8: (insert favorite PoopReport simile here). I am sort of bummed out there is no mention of corn nor peanuts in the stool chart.

I've found the secret to maintaining 3s and 4s (for me, anyway): a bowl of natural yoghurt with wheat germ, grape nuts and oatmeal (add Splenda to taste) every morning. Try it - it's a great breakfast.

I'm surprised so many people pass water snakes--I've never had this kind of poop, at least never on a regular basis. When my poop gets soft, it just gets fluffy around the edges and then turns to flakes and liquid.

This time last year I was almost always a 1.
Thanks to zelnorm, I'm mostly a 3, sometimes a 4.

I voted for 6. When I haven't been eating much meat, my poop disintegrates in the water, like it has a self-destruct mechanism.

I'm from Bristol and naturally am delighted that this old city is more famous for it's turd monitor than it's maritime, cultural or engineering achievements. There is allegedly a type eight relating to intake of alcohol or recreational drugs. My guess is everyone's who's done it is too sloppy fucked to draw it. Anyway, 1/2 this morning. Atkins diet.

Voted 2, but often 4, as well.
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Happy crapping! (_o_)

most of the time it is like half a dozen golf balls in something the consistency of clam chowder

Fortunately, mine are usually type 3. If they are type 4, they are usually the sticky ones, which means I'm plugged up. Those type 4's are also the ones which always sink. (Not that that matters)

my poop, for the last month has been type 7, after i got back from new york. then yesterday, it went to type 1. should i be worried???
and its not brown. its red and green. like christmas colors....

Mine are usually between 3 and 4.
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SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

I'm usually 2 with a follow up of 3 or 4!

I'm a 1, and even Zelnorm (which is now off the market anyways) didn't help me get past a 2. I thought a 2 was GOOD, until I saw the chart and read what everyone else had to say. Go figure.

Shithead type 7 wrote:

...and its not brown. its red and green. like christmas colors....

The Mattster's response:

Too cool. ONe time, I dropped a turdy in the toilet that was red and green. But there was a definite line of demarcation between the two colors. No mixing or blurring. One part was bright red and the other was green. Both colors very defined and separate from each other, yet still on one turd.

How cool is that?

My turds are almost always explosive liqui-shit (type 7).

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"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

Just like your comments, TT?

Mine is usually 4 on the Bristol scale. I think that is how I prefer it - gives me a nice sensation. 3 is OK, but I wouldn't want 1 or 2. But the higher the number, the more time it takes to wipe, and the more paper I use.

Normally a 4, but the other day, after eating a can of refried beans, it began as a 4, became a 5 in the middle, and finished as a 6.

Has anybody ever done all 7 in one sitting?

Changes daily by a heck of a lot, average is 2 or 5.

Dumpster - I wish I'd thought of that!!!

But seriously, for some reason, I really worry that he's English.

What are we saying? Poop is always a #2!!!!
(I can't believe nobody made that connection...)

Mine are usually 2/3/4.
I have had the unmerciful 7's during a hospital stay. They dosed me with an anti-biotic in the afternoon. The next morning, I was screaming for the bedpan.
Right in front of a really cute nurse. B-(

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Robo - I should not let that worry you!! I'm sure she is used to that sort of thing. I feel sure that your other charms will have outweighed that image in her memory!

Read my post in "Your most memorable poop experience occurred in a/an" for a more detailed version, Ham. I was mortified!

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

I just have Robo! I agree that must have been rather embarrassing, particularly as you were likely to see those lovelies again!!

Think I was coming from the angle that the need to use the bedpan is very natural - but I can see an accident is mortifying in those circumstances!!

Do they do a braille version of this chart?

Where is the option for "all of the above"? My ass likes to surprise me with a random number draw.

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What if everyone farted at once?

Not sure about poop that smells like almonds, mine smells more like Frank's Red Hot and cumin, definitely a dietary thing.

I have had all 7 at once and It hurt like hell and smelled god awful.I had to flush 4 times.

TIP dont eat Italian ,Chinies and french food at once . If you do get ready for the ride of your life.

happy poopin

As a younger man, before my surgeries, I usually had a 2 or maybe a 3 on the scale, large, long, and hard. After surgery for kidney stones (pain!), at first I had no movements at all, then had a sort of 1 after a few days, then finally used manual disimpaction to get out a gigantic 2 with some blood. After that, I had to go on a high-water diet, minimum 64 oz a day, and my poops slowly softened up, so that now they are a nice comfortable 4 most of the time, rarely beginning as a 3 and melding into a 4. If I really get too much water, or if I eat something that wants to get through me too fast, I can morph to a 5 by the end of the sitting. This morning I managed a long single turd (about 16") that started as a textured 3 and changed to a nice even 4 for the rest of it, followed by a couple of 3"-4" softies (would that be a bit of a 5?)

I swear I've seen that chart at a Mexican restaurant somewhere in Tijuana. It was in spanish.

Oohh I Love My Poo Hahah .. I Never Knew There Was So Much To Know About Shit!! Hope Yourr All Havinn Hapyy Crappin Days :) Loveage

Now that I know about this scale, I apply it, not only to my own stools, but to any I find in toilets I visit. At work last week I found a nice #3 that had unfortunately broken off in 3 pieces (but the texture was there). Over the weekend I went shopping and used the men's room in the store (Home Depot, I think). Next to me someone was dropping little plunketts, obviously hard nuggets (#1), 8 or 10 of them. My own continues as #4, occasionally beginning as #3 or progressing by the end to #5.

mostly #3, but i have memories of pooping each of those types and possibly others not on there? i find my more sticky poops are shaped a lot like #3 though not firm (but not soft enough to be a #4 either) enough for surface cracking, yet they also tend to break off prematurely into larger, stickier, variations of the pebble-type shit.

It varies with me, generally 3-ish, but I am not too worried, as long as it aint 1 with the consistency of concrete.

Since my IBS started, I have been on the lower end of the scale. It varies from #5 to #7. I think I may have actually had a #8 once or twice.

I am mostly on the constipated side but ocassionally I pass mushy stools.

Type 3 has to be the perfect turd.

normally a 3. but the rest i am also familiar with. type 4 is usually the poop crayon.

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all aboard the farty train to pooterville

The last few days I have had mostly a cross between type 4 and type 5, starting with a decent long piece but degenerating to shorter softer ones. Too many nuts, maybe? I'd enjoy a return to mostly type 3 poops.

Postman (08.20.2007) - Yes to all 7. The joys of a bowel prep when you've spent years on high doses of very strong painkillers. Not at all pleasant to have concrete nuggets the size and consistency of golf balls and bigger being forced out by the pressure of several litres of progressively more liquid waste behind it, ending up with nothing but brown water, which then persists for the next 12 hours of griping cramps, dry heaves, shaking, dizziness and wishing you were dead.

Nothing compares to the sheer agony of the initial golf ball exiting faster than a speeding bullet... except for the shredded sphincter glowing so red raw that you can use it to bring passenger airplanes into land after the 20th rusty brown water explosion.

On the plus side, when my intestines had finally recovered, that first poop after surgery was the first perfect #3-4 snake that I had produced in years... if only it could have lasted, I might even think that the bowel prep had been even vaguely worth the agony.

Farts on the Bristol scale:
Type 8: Juicy and smelly. Do you need to wipe?
Type 9: S.B.D.
Type 10: All sound, but no scent.

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Those of you who are anything but a 3, especially the ones who are a 1 or a 6 or 7 should be concerned. I used to be a 1 or a 6. Always. Then this summer my colon ruptured because of diverticulitis. I had no idea I had anything wrong before it happened. I had emergency surgery and was in the hospital for 5 weeks. I almost died. I had a colostomy for 5 1/2 months and then was put back together in Dec. I'm still having some problems and found this site because I've been a 6 for the past month or so. The fix for everyone is high fiber and lots of water. I now know I need more fiber in my diet. 25 - 30 grams a day and at least 1 1/2 liters of water.

Poo is funny. Poo is gross. Everyone jokes about it ...but it is a very serious matter. I've never been so sick in my life as I was this summer. Take care of yourselves folks and adjust your diet until you're all pooing out happy logs of #3s on a regular basis.

Thanks, Concerned...yes, we have fun here, poop is funny, but we also try to maintain at least some semblance of knowledge of our inner workings as well. My recent stuff wasn't nearly as serious as yours, but had I not been a part of this site, I doubt I would have acted as quickly as I did.

By watching my diet, and exercising more, I have managed to move up the scale from (what I would consider) an 8 up to a nice 5. I'm still working hard at it and hope to bring my grade up to a 3 or 2 and graduate with honors.

Apparently I've been fortunate, in that I've never had to take on my shit as a project. However, I must say that I currently live mostly in the 4-6 range, and that number 3 certainly looks enticing. And it would probably leave nothing behind to clean up. OK. I have a dream that one day....

The 3 looks like as good as it gets. The 2 looks a bit painful, and the 4 is a brown magic marker. Yes, the 3 is whit I will aspire to. Even the description, "sausage like" sounds good. Man, I'm getting hungry.

For those of us who are always at 1, with only one or so bowel movements a week, what can we do to treat it?! I am already taking the max stool softener every day, but with little relief. Does anyone have any suggestions??

I suggest you paw through the snow for some more roughage there Bullwinkle.

I have a HUGE # 4 every morning at 7.30 a.m. Wish I could wake up before 8.00 a.m.

I normally don't throw "great" comments to AC's, but that was fucking funny!!

I have made a brilliant conclusion - your poop reflects what you eat. O/K maybe not all that brilliant but it's true. I have a couple of relatives who have been suffering something awful and it's because of choices, too much white rice, too much beans, and too much pasta. It all seems to dry up and make poop that's very difficult to pass. When they live at my place they get lots of vegetables, some beef or poultry that's well cooked and not barbecued so is easier to break down. They also get some fruit. It's like the Canada food guide, a nice balance so they don't get into trouble. So you may ask where I rate on the Bristol scale and it varies but I'm normally around a 4 and take about 5 minutes in the bathroom including washing up and staring at myself in the mirror. My wife takes considerably longer. She eats the same foods but maybe gets less exercise. I think that some exercise is also quite necessary to help the bowels. People who are parapalegic, bed ridden, have a much shorter average life span and I expect the inability to have some normal exercise like walking and bending is a contributor. O/K gotta go now. No not that, I need to get out and have some exercise, get away from the darned computer. Have a good day you guys.

I'd have to say 2.75, more pronounced lines than a 3 but not as knobby as a 2. Typically easy to pass and solid with no break-up. It's hard to feel proud about a big poop when it fractures after impact.

Really depends on how long the poop remains stuck in me. If I poop as soon as I feel the urge to it's typically a 4. If the poop stays in till I get home or something it hardens and becomes a 2 or 3.

mmmmmmhhmmmmm... poop, let me just give u the 411 on this beauty. Ok imagine you and a nice good toilet, the kind u dream of. now imagine looking down into the glissful water and seeing 18 inch masterpiece number 4, with beautiful streamings of smoothness and soft invisible lines running alonside the wonder. Ohhhhh how i wish it could be once again.

I have no idea what "glissful" water looks like, I don't know what "beautiful streamings of smoothness" are, and if the lines are invisible, how the fuck am I supposed to see them????
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

sometimes 3,sometimes 7.It all depends on how much I had to drink the night before.

I think the drawings (paintings?) of the turds on the scale should be a lighter brown so one could see the artistic effects. #2 should have discernible lumps, and #3 should show the cracks in the surface.

This morning I did a type two but while I was admiring it, it started climbing over the commode rim with an evil gleam in its corn kernel eyes. Fearing for my safety I grabbed a handy mop handle and using this as a defensive weapon beat the turd into harmless type four particles. My question..........Which type should I count this as?

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

That would be a 2X4.

Oops..........Sustitute five for four in my post above.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

P.D., the Chief said he grabbed a mop handle... not a 2X4.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

When I first found Poop Report, I was in full blown IBS, and would give my left nut even for a number 6. It may be that this place makes me laugh, or maybe it relaxes me. Either way, in the last 6 months or so, I have slowly climbed the Bristol scale, and am now producing 3 and 4's with regularity. My farts are also winning back my trust after years of betraying me. I have all you guys to thank. Keep up the good work. I'll stick around a while. At the rate I'm going, I'll be shitting cinder blocks soon.

#1 thanks to IBS chronic-C, or sometimes 3 and 4 on a good day. :(

Always #1.

Bullwinkle

I should like to add to the Bristol scale.
If you contract amoebael dysentery, (which I did in Southeast Asia), you can squirt out a type 15. Very low viscosity and able to pass thru the eye of a needle at 50 feet.
This condition is commonly called
the dreaded gombu.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Sounds like you became a human pressure washer there Chief.

My last 3 b.m.'s have been quite different from the usual for the last couple of years. Up till yesterday afternoon I had been having a few 3's, mostly 4's and some 5's. However, yesterday afternoon the turds were harder to pass, plunked quite loudly in the water, and upon visual examination turned out to be a good solid 2--lumpy! I had to wipe only once. This morning I was expecting my usual soft stuff, but instead was rewarded with one of my best recent movements: beginning as a 2, a couple pieces of 3, and a short smooth finish (4); total 4 nice solid pieces, combined probably close to 18" in length and thicker than usual, maybe 1.25"; it felt wonderful, though thanks to the 4 at the end I still had to do my usual number of wipes. Then this afternoon, during lunch(!), I had to go again: a plunky nugget, a fair-sized lumpy turd, and a decent smoother hard one with the cracks in the surface--a 1, 2, 3 in one b.m. Again, felt great, one wipe. Why this sudden change? Maybe it's my meatier diet the last couple of days; maybe it's that I haven't eaten any breakfast cereal. Don't know, but I am enjoying it while it lasts.

I'm not sure exactly where my dook falls on the Bristol Stool Scale - really, multiple categories apply. As I've mentioned in other posts, typically, my movements are of an exceedingly explosive nature - an atomic bomb blast of putrified LiquiShit, mucus, blood, and bile, accompanied by partially-digested (and often recognizable) chunks of food. Many times, it's an especially rank dump, with a great deal of foam and lumpy, floating brown stuff that has the appearance of partially-melted ice cream.

I guess it would qualify as types 5, 6, and 7?

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"...you guys are missing the genius of Turdgutson's idea. We should certainly not be shitting in the sink, but why not invent a Toilet Disposal? Your tampon, giant turd, or some hooker's hand won't flush? Just flip a switch!" - SamDamnit

I used to be a #3 or 4 until I started taking antidepressants. Now I'm a #1 or 2.

I'm usually a 6, every once in a while I'm a 7. I am never 1 or 2. Seldom 3 (that's where I want to be too).
When I am number 4 it's definitely not without major effort. And I don't know about number 5.
If I hold it (by now I have excellent bowel control although I have to freeze in place and concentrate and I get cold shivers while waiting out the worst of it, does anyone else?) then it gets closer to the low digits.
There should be a Bristol Stool Scale of Sound & Volume too. 1 being the whispered tinkling of Frank Mills' Music Box Dancer on piano. 7 being everyone in your neighbourhood can hear it. By the way, no public bathroom, save one or two that I've been in, have hand dryers loud enough to drown out an explosive #7. (on the Sound & Volume Scale). And the smell could make a grown man cry, then fall over & die.

i couldn't vote because i don't think i have a "normal" or "usual" poop consistency. seems like on any given day, it could be any one of those. or even one of each in the same day! well, probably not one of each, since i usually only poop 2-3 times a day. but it can vary from poop to poop, is what i'm saying. i don't think i've done one type consistently enough to say that's what i normally do. i wonder if that's a bad thing.

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i love poop.

I never have one specific thing going on for a long time (I eat all types of different food, so it's never the same), so I would have to vote all of them.
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I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!