For some reason, I don't seem to have much in the way of scatological memories. Oh, sure, there have been a few here and there, like the time that someone messed with the hot sauce at my favorite wing place and my hemorrhoids swelled up like gooseberries, or the time I drank too much apple juice and had fire hose shits for three days.

But if you're as sick in the head as I am, then your best scatological memories are the one-liners you've heard or read in poop stories. I've decided to list a few of my favorites that I've come across over the years.

• "The dog went at that pile of deer turds like it was milk bones with gravy."
  
  
• "You've heard how he grunts normally. When you're sitting in the stall next to him, it sounds like someone's pushing a truck up a hill."
  
  
• "In the unpracticed hand, poo on a stick is not the most accurate of weapons." (One of my PoopReport favorites.)
  
  
• "You just farted a perfect 440 A -- you could tune an oboe to your ass!" (From my high school marching band days.)
  
  
• "I don't know what that guy was eating, but he ripped a fart that sounded like someone stepped on a cat."

Fellow PoopReporters, what are your favorite #2-liners from PoopReport or anywhere else?