One time. Ever. And it was because I had the flu and happened to puke at the same time I was trying to squeek out a fart to make my gut feel better.

Damn it all.

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It's YOUR cat, YOU get his poop out of my sink!

This is definitely a once or twice in a lifetime proposition for me. So far. I am reminded of the fact that my father, who will soon be ninety, has now become incontinent.

So who knows what awaits some of us in much later life?

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

I can't really recall ever sharting (if you're wondering about the name, Fart Poopie is what we called our babies' sharts).

After reading PoopReport for as long as I have, though, I've learned not to tempt fate. If you even suspect it may be a possibility, you should run to the toilet. It's better to 'air' on the side of caution.

If you do it at home your safe. It did happen to me at work. I had to wrap it in paper towels
and hide it in the trash.

I sharted maybe twice in my lifetime. Once was due to illness: puking and passing at the same time. The other was as sober gambler, squeezer, then loser. The first was a mess, the second was maybe a quarter-sized dollop. Both were embarrassing nonetheless.

What about full fledged pants crapping disasters? Has that poll been taken?

Whiskey and beer. Dont mix those unless your willing to gamble.

Watch those squeakers people you get a liiiiitle too brave there and some shit will leak out!
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

The dreaded shart attack. I usually have a ramp up of at least a few farts as a dump makes it way to the back door. I like to call that "Uncle Eddie lightin' his pipe". This can be a concerning time if my bowels aren't feeling real tight and has born bad result from time to time. Beware the shart...

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

I have twice, and both time involved being sick and vomiting. The second time it happened, I recognized the puckering and immediately turned around, sat on the toilet, grabbed the trash can to puke in, and sure enough I did a double doody.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Well this one time when I was ten, I was outside my house playing and I felt a little fart coming along. I felt like helping the little guy out so I compressed my stomach muscles and farted. The only problem was my leg felt a bit...well normal. I looked down and the Hershey highway was being paved down my leg. Yup I just dune did sharted my pants with the runny poops. My first thought was crap...literally. So I ran inside, clean up and did something with the craped pair of undies that were now defiled by the poopsmear.

Poop Dog here,
Well I have soiled my share of tightie whities in my time. While I don't need to throw away a pair of undies weekly (Thank God for Clorox Bleach!) I am more frequent that occasional. Skid marks are just a bi-product of being me!!!
Thank God Mrs. Dog is cool with that as otherwise I am a pretty good husband. May the Farts be with you!!!

This was a hard one i was going to vote for the once or twice a year but i took the occasional mistake but when it happens and it has its a big mess. i mean i am playing with a loaded gun constantly mixing modelo , corona and jim beam in no specific order and them eating all kinds of shitty fried food

Once or twice a year here. I am not counting my gallbladder adjustment, which would mess up the average statistics, but usually I'll only do this every once in a while. This usually only happens when I have the flu.

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Behold! My new farting super power! BRAPP!!!

Whenever I get sick the doctor always gives me these antibiotics and for a couple days i feel like i should be living in the WC. I also get really nervous and that can lead to problems too. And the chinese buffet...

I don't think I've ever sharted. If there's any doubt at all, I wait until I'm on the pot.

I have done it twice. When it is time to tell those stories, this site will be the first to know.
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SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Well, I said in the post above that I didn't think that I had ever sharted. Ironically, when I was on the pot this morning, I either had a huge shart, or a real small shit. How do you tell the difference?(Maybe it's just a shart if it occurs in your pants)

turdfan - I think it has to be in your pants. Sometimes when on the pot farts and shits can be all mixed up together, and it doesn't really matter anyway. I think a shart is when you aren't on the pot, think you need to fart, and end up with something more substantial in your pants. But others may disagree.

__Yes. Hamster is correct. It only counts when you are away from the toilette. _____
Press on warts, who would buy those? -Well, hags mostly.

O.K. thanks Frank and Hamster.I guess that was a dumb question anyway. (Here's a new twist on an old jingle I just thought up on the subject:
Here I stand in my Sunday best,
In despair and feeling retarded,
I was sure it was a fart,
But damned if I haven't sharted.

_Turdfan, ask Miss Simone about the picture of Dr. Dunleavy. The girl in the photo on the right is the Dr. Not the one with the glasses. A perfect expression of someone who just sharted. Don't you think Miss Simone? ______
Press on warts, who would buy those? -Well, hags mostly.

O.K. Simone, Where is this photo Frank is talking about?

Again, my answer isn't among the choices, to wit:

At every freaking opportunity, baby!!!! Saran wrap underwear!!!

frank, I wasn't thinking that...but OK maybe.
turdfan, Frank sent it to my regular e-mail....I can't just go aound posting pics people send me. I can now say relooking at the pic...that yes she could have sharted from her expression.
Producing waste since 1967

dont ever take heroin, or vicotin, after which u could shart

i can remember shartin when i was about 6 and going to my dad while crying and saying I I I I MEAN TO FFFART BUT WHEN I DID ( A LOUD MOAN OF TEARD) I POOPED my dad thought it was funny so i didnt think much of it after that funny memory though
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i have met many people that talk like asses but i have not met many asses that talk like people

DRIP, you've convinced me that you are the fucktard that drives Teddy's short bus to where ever the hell it goes.....

I voted once or twice in my life. Like many others here, it involved having the stomach flu. I have never sharted under normal circumstances (knock on wood).

In my 65 years I have sharted a very few times, all of them when i had the stomach bug (diarrhea). When I have that, usually I know to get to the toilet, but very rarely I have gotten fooled. This can happen at the onset of the disease, when I don't know I have it yet; I feel an urgent need, it feels like a fart, but when I pass it, a little liquid comes also (I can feel the wet). The other time it can happen is when I think I am over the bug, feel a need to fart, and there is still a little liquid poop. Either way, very rare for me. I certainly have never sharted in the course of a normal day when I am well; the farts can come out without letting out anything solid, though occasionally I can feel a turd get closer to the exit.

My last comment stated how seldom I shart. Well! I got a brief siege of diarrhea yesterday; don't know from what, though "the bug" has been going around the school where I work. It was in 4th period, just before lunch, but maybe 15 minutes into a 50-minute period, that I first felt the forebodings of a butt-blast; gentle but unmistakable gurglings and an uncomfortable cool dampness between the buttcheeks (cold sweat, nothing from the anus yet). Those sensations passed, then returned with ancillary symptoms at various times during the remaining 35 minutes of class, but the upshot was a rapidly increasing urgency to get to the pot. I was giving a test, so I didn't have to talk or move much (a mercy!). Still, I couldn't leave. Finally the bell rang. I took most of the remaining papers from the students as they left--and one remaining student had a question for me! I told her, "I'll answer you as soon as I get back; I need to use the restroom." She was fine with that; I tightened my cheeks as tight as possible and walked quickly out of the room, only to be met by two of my superiors. One of them handed me an envelope and told me what an asset I was to the school; I thanked her and took the envelope back to my desk. The other administrator simply said to see her shortly after I had visited the restroom. Finally I could go in! As I entered the restroom (2 doorless stalls), I felt a little wet matter slide out of my anus. I made it over to the toilet without any more coming out, quickly (and partly) undid my trousers, whipped down my underpants, and sat. Surprisingly, it took a few seconds for my insides to realize that I was finally here; but then I did it. Voom! I checked my underpants--clean. I had one more attack later that afternoon, but nothing much since. Nonetheless--a shart from him who seldom sharts!

My life is a constant game of russian roulette of the rectum. I will gamble at home, but (ironically) not in Vegas, or other outside venue.

twice. flu induced.. mortifying.

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all aboard the farty train to pooterville..if you can't shit at my house, we aren't friends

Russian Roulette of the Rectum, I love it Prarie. I too sharted at work once, worst part was waiting in the stall until no one was around so you could make that mad dash to the waste receptacle wihtout getting caught with my sharted drawers in hand.

Been there. I call it "cheating death" when I can get the whities off before it soaks through to the pants. No one is going to believe thats a coffee stain.

On this subject, I think Kenny Rodgers said it best:
You got to know when to hold'em
Know when to fold'em,
Know when to walk away,
Know when to run.

i have a friend who was in the amricorps that sharted while trying to clean up a cemetary in new orleans. that's gotta be the worst when you are surrounded by people you hardley know. . .

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all aboard the farty train to pooterville..if you can't shit at my house, we aren't friends

I"m sure nobody uttered a word.

well one time let me say that there was a little rain with my morning
thunder!

Stopped happening when I stopped tequila. Coincidence?

Never, my o-ring and I maintain close communication at all times. It has yet to lie to me. I have shit my pants before, but that is another story.

The only time I had doubt about the status of a fart is when I used to get stoned. Once the muscles started to buzz and everything went soft'n fuzzy the o-ring communique would get lost and then the anal insecurity would set in.

Those days are long gone, now the only unsettling thing to happen down there is when a powerful fart blows the butt hairs out of alignment.