I don't time mine. I just enjoy my few seconds of bliss.

I do remember one time I farted during christmas dinner with my family. It started out being silent, but then gained pressure and sung a holiday tune that my mom still wishes that never happened. That went well over 15 seconds from silent start to the big bang ending.

I've had a few in my lifetime that kind of shocked me, they went on so long. I know several have been at least 5 seconds, and I'm pretty sure a couple of them have been a bit longer.

Doesn't happen often, though.

My times depend on how much cat fur is expelled...

I probably exceeded five seconds a few times. There is that same euphoria that follows a great bowel movement. My longest farts happen while I am peeing. There is something special about getting everything out. I admire anyone who can fart on command or at will.

I doubt there are but a very few that are actually watching their watches, so to speak, as they expell their gasses. If you use the 1 one thousand, 2 one thousand method I think most of the long farts wouldn't be as long as one thinks. It's just that it feels so good to let the big one rip. Though I have surprised myself in the past. I can only hope the future has more in store.

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

I don't clock the "play time". For me, the most important aspect is "hang time".
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Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

BP,
Cats are not suppositories; they are asswipe. They are best used to satisfy that itch ON your ass, not IN your ass. Remember that most cats are too large to comfortably pass through the sphincter. For that you need a rodent.

Next time you're at the pet store, remember this simple equation:

Cats = Ass Wipe
Gerbils = Suppository

And if you can't remember the formula, just ask the store manager. I'm sure that he'll be happy to set you straight

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Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

DP...you do your thing, I'll do mine. Anyway, cats shed, and I am forever firing furballs into my pants, or sans pants, against the wall, my neighbor, the dog, etc....

I agree with Deja Its the Hang time that matters most. I know a few months ago I went to the movies with the exwife and like a dumbass I held it in to be polite. Well you can only do that so long and finally I had to use the bathroom at her parents house. Talk about a nuclear blast! I lost five pounds in gas alone
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I can easily whistle out my ass for over 10 seconds. And home brew beer turns me into Le Petomaine.

I get the worst gas from garlic and tomato sauce. (Anyone who's read my story in Fart Reports on the Forums knows about these.) One time, after a particularly burning garlic/tomato fest, I ripped a stinker that emitted from my ass for roughly 35 seconds. By this point everyone else in the room was on the floor. Gilbert said it was the look on my face that really caused the laughter.

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Behold! My new farting super power! BRAPP!!!

Oh! I thought they were on the floor in a kind of a "escape a burning building" move. :)

I can still remember the time I ripped my longest fart right after having sex with my girlfriend. As soon as I got up out of bed, I ripped one that must have been at least 15 seconds long. I remember my girlfriend saying, "Holy Shit, that's nasty."

Suprisingly, she decided to marry me anyway.

TSV- 35 seconds. That's freakin' awesome!

I don't time them, and I can't remember letting one out that seemed longer than a second or two. I do experience cluster farts at times, however. It happens mostly when I'm working out (pilates), and doubly so if I eat some funky gas inducing food the night before.

My dog always fart. It stink so much that it makes me feel depressed and sad. But one morning in the bed, my dog was under the blanket. Normally I can't fart on demand. This special morning I did a 7seconds Tropical fart. I was so proud and was so happy to be able finally to return back the favor to my dog. I held the blanket with my feets and my hands so he could not escape. It was kind of a gas tent. For more than 30seconds he was moving like crazy then finally escaped the deat trap. Vengence is soo great a fart for a fart.

BeurreDeMarde, You dutchovened your dog....not nice
Producing waste since 1967

I voted my longest fart *ever* at 10 seconds or more. This is confirmed by the Mrs. as well as various friends. There was one fart that explosive brought a halt to a New Years Party (1999), if only for a half minute or so, before the party-goers reacted.

However, as Deja Poo mentioned (great euphemism by the way DP), the quality of stench produced is much more important than length, tone or timbre of the brown note in question. There have been at least a double-handful in my 3 1/2 years of marriage that have woken my wife up out of a sound sleep and had her retching.

I've even woken myself up once or twice, puking in my mouth.

Once when I was in high school, I made such a long fart that the meter in the taxi cab went up not once but twice during its duration.

ive had some big ones my motto is dont hold back let it fly!

It has been my experience that people with an increased surface area of the buttocks have a much higher probability of producing long-lasting flatulance.

In other words...people with big asses have more flap space.

My personal best is maybe 2 seconds...I'm a pretty weak farter.

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What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

I voted less than three seconds. I'm little but I'm loud.
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"Thunder in March betokens a fruitfull year" .Or is it "Thunder in March, frost in June"?

_Mine happened last evening, it must have been over ten seconds. The power was out because of some storms that had passed. My friend was half asleep on the couch and heard it, he jumped up off the couch, frightened that a large hornet was after him.______

It's funny how a good fart can send chills up your spine.

I think my longest farts have almost always come right after eating dinner. I've had some that lasted 5-10 seconds. I'm glad that I have always been able to cut these loose when no one was around because they were usually pretty loud, but not smelly.

My early morning farts are at least 30 seconds long. It sounds like an Elephant mourning the death of it's mate.
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SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

The other day we had a roast for dinner, along with a lot of cooked onions, potatoes, and carrotts. Onions always do a number on me, but I eat them anyway. Within a couple hours, I began farting. I counted 10 times in one hour, and at least 3 of them were well over 10 seconds.

My wife was sitting on the other couch, but she couldn't say anything cause she was ripping them as often as me.

I don't time them unless they are coming from another person. At which point the timing is "How long will I have to hold my breath before I am out of the firing zone???"

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

I control mine if I'm sure they arent going to be wet. I like to deliver them like July 4th fireworks. A steady stream of gas, while holding some back to finish with a loud ear splitting finale. Everybody hates when I do this, but hey I've got problems.

I once farted in Lake Havasu, and a couple of days later, a pod of whales had made the journey up river from the Gulf of California, thinking I had issued some sort of mating call.

Oh wait...no, they were fat blue haired snow birds from Wisconsin....never mind.

Go Packers!

You know you have a gas problem when you fart in the tub and it sinks.

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Robo, did you mean "stinks" or were you refering to farting in a sink. I guess if you filled it with water, and had something to stand on.....

I had one that had to be over 15 seconds. It was one of those early morning, tight, zipper, creaky door farts. Probably the same amount of gas as a normal one but just released really slow.

Prarie Doggin, Picture this:
You're taking a bath. You fart underwater.
The bubbles stay on the floor of the tub... underwater.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

With mine, ususally the longer they are, the less bad they smell. It is the sort, burning blast that makes people reach for the oxygen masks.

I was on the phone with my boyfriend in highschool and had such huge gas to let out. I figured he wouldn't hear it on the other end of the line, so I let fly. It lasted about 20 seconds and echoed thru the kitchen. It probably didn't help that I was sitting on a rickety metal step stool. Once the thunder stopped there was silence on the other end. I asked if he was still there, he only said "what was that"? I told him a jet flew over the house and he believed it!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Sinking brown colored bubbles did cross my mind. Lawrence Welk is probably hurling in his grave right now.

Lawrence Welk should probably be made an honorary poopreporter, for all the Ex-Lax advertising he provided.

I'll be drinking beer and eating chili today. I'm sure I'll have some good ones to report tomorrow.

I think I can safely claim the record in this catagory. While in the service I underwent physiological training for high altitude flight. The "altitude chamber" was a metal container,
like a giant can, with a row of seats down each side. It could be sealed airtight and have the air pumped out to simulate high altitude flight. We were told, the day before we underwent training, not to consume anything "gassy" that night.
In total disregard for authority I had several beers, a hamburger and fried onion rings
that evening.

We seated ourselves and donned our O2 masks the next morning. The instructor sealed the chamber and began pumping out the air. At a simulated altitude of about 10,000 feet I started a fart, it came out rather steadily until we reached a simulated altitude of 52,000 feet. I wasn't timing this but it was a matter of minutes and not seconds. I heard a few rather sophmoric farts from my fellow airmen but none as impressive as mine.

Thank God for the O2 masks or we would all have been aphixiated.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I fart a lot, I mean it seems I always have at least one on deck. But first thing in the morning, when I'm still in bed and half-conscious is when the huge, whale mating song farts happen. I always imagine them to be as long as a yard stick, but they never smell. It's all bark and no bite

Not the longest fart I ever let but long enough to have been highly embarrassing was the dreaded "pew fart" I let as a juvenile. My parents forced me into church at least three times a week as a child. I found it to be a highly boring situation and paid little attention to the sermons.

One day I was sitting on the hard wooden pew, mind a thousand miles away, when I felt pressure building in my bowels. No problem, I thought, I will squeeze my butt
cheeks together tightly and suppress the urge to fart until the gas has ascended
back into my intestines. Alas, it was not to be.

Soon my cheeks were so tightly compressed that sweat was popping out on my forehead from the effort. My sphincter was closed so tightly a railroad spike could
not have been driven up my ass with a ten pound sledge hammer. The fart was not to be denied.

When it finally forced its was out of my clenched asshole it was with the high pitched shriek of a steam whistle. This sound was amplified by the hard wood of the pew, much like the sounding board of a musical instrument.

All heads turned to see who had committed this blasphemy. Who had desecrated God's house with their vile expulsion of gas. Not a word was murmured. Even though farts were usually considered funny I remember hearing no
chuckles of appreciation. I was sure that by tacit agreement the congregation had condemned be to the bowels of hell.

Realizing that no amount of penance could ever atone for my indiscreet act I stopped attending church as soon as I was
old enough to make that decision without the approval of my parents. I spent many happy years traveling the world, debauching women, drinking vast quantities of booze, and happily farting at will.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Chief, I think I heard Satan laughing. As kids we always said that thunder was God farting.

this is very funny,and discussting!!
BUT, even my self have let some rip and trust me they were NOT pleasent. My longest fart would have to be 2-3seconds and that time was so hard and painful i cried. The stink of it was so bad my dog wimperd and left the room. so thanks for listening my fart story.

one time i was in church and i told my mom i had to pass some gas and i went to the starewell and i farted and it sounded like it said collet and it was LOUD so loud i think the preacher heard it. It was hilarious!!!
FARTS RULE!!!!!!!