The worse fault of toilet paper is the insane high prices, especially for any paper that doesn't feel like sandpaper.

I never found fault with any of it except the real cheap, slick stuff. For some reason, my wife used to buy that stuff years ago. I told her it was like wiping my ass with a banana peel.

Much of it is too flimsy. Is there anything worse than the 'finger poking through' trick?

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

I second that, TBW.

Of course if we didn't have flimsy TP, we wouldn't have the "the last time you got a piece of ass was when your finger broke through the toilet paper" joke.

Six of one, half a dozen of the other, I guess.

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What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

A combination of not tearing properly and being far too thin. Which leads to fingers across the dirty asshole.

They have tastings of all kinds of food and drink in supermarkets - why not TP trials in them as well?

Thunderbox: I can see it now...The scene Wal-Mart. Coming around the end of an aisle you spy a sample lady at her post,a pyramid of TP. She smiles,"Would you like to try some Wally Wipes TP ? It's on special,aisle 4, and I have coupons for $1.00 off a 12-pack,too."
"I'm game!", says you.
She tears off a few sheets and smilingly directs you to a roped-off area with 3 stalls.

So, are you feeling Shameless or Shameful?
Will you pro-duece?

It`s the way to go Mouse, I`d be up for it.

All they need to do is set up their stall by the toilets and offer their various wares. Advertise in-store a couple of days beforehand and the shoppers will be ready to download both turds and TP quality feedback.

Dave needs to campaign for this on national radio and TV.

I like the above comments regarding marketing techniques. I've always thought that another good technique would be if the TP makers would make a deal with one or several of the laxative companies whereby the laxative companies gave you coupons for TP when you purchased their product.

The TP standoff is a great idea, but would you really want to be the person who has to administer the "blind-wipe-test" comparison?

I had to vote "other" and you know godamn well why....hard to put your finger through a cat....

I really don't understand the thin as shit TP (pun pardon) that you find at work and pubic toilets. You just end up using two or three times as much to get your bung clean and try to avoid stank finger. So how are they saving money with this worthless TP? The only thing I can think is that no one would steal it.

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

Bilge, it's easier to poke through if the cat is dead...

(*begins drafting Official Apology to Whom It May Concern*)

I can always tell when I have used some porous paper. My hand suddenly feels a little too clammy and warm. It is enough to turn me in to a bundler.
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SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

I hate dealing with the half-ply TP at the gym. What makes it even worse is the high humidity in the locker room and toilet stalls. So I have damp half-ply TP. Ew.

GGG: I took no offense.... I gave one of my cats back to nature 6 years ago. He's probably down to just a skeleton now; not sure how wiping with bones would turn out.

Super tissue thin toilet paper is one of my biggest pet peeves! Nothing worse than brown fingernails!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

I chose it won't tear at the lines. I hate when you go to pull off just a small amount and half the roll comes cascading down on the floor.

GGG! Why haven't I received my Official Apology in the mail yet???

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My vote went to too thin. I hate having to use massive quantities of the stuff to avoid reeking filthy hands.

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And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

I had to vote for other because my options weren't on there. Well, not exactly on there. The tearing thing was one of them. I hate TP rolls that stick together so you have to waste half the roll to get it open.

I hate toilet paper that leaves dingleberries in my ass and snatch. Some of those brands I end up tearing out of my ass for hours afterward.

The other problem I have is with bargain toilet paper. People buy that stuff to be cheap but end up paying twice as much for twelve rolls as they would for six rolls of Scott. And three months later the Scott will still be there. The others run out in a day or two for the reasons listed in this poll.

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What if everyone farted at once?

I agree with turdfan - pretty well all TP I use does the job for me. What is anoying is when they fill up the dispenser so full and it's so crammed in you can't pull off a few sheets without tearing it into little bits. Ok - I'm clumsy and try to be too quick!!

I chose the tearing peeve, but what really pisses me off is the height requirements they use to mount the toilet paper dispensers to the bathroom stalls in public restrooms. By code, the center of the roll is required to be X number of inches off the ground. ( I don't know the exact measurement.)

With a simple tissue holder, it's no big deal, but now that they use those mammoth rolls of toilet paper the size of truck tires, I can't quite reach the bottom of the dispenser without impaling my wrist and hand on the spiky teeth used for cutting the paper. And it's worse if the stall is tiny and my leg is pressed up against that damn thing.

I had the misfortune of cutting myself rather badly in the stall at a restaurant. I came back to the table bleeding and trying not to cry - mostly because I was so frustrated. The waitress saw me sniffling and sent the manager, who gave me a free meal.

Anyway, I think that they need to change the mounting requirements to allow for jumbo dispensers. Until then, I check for the height and pull off the paper - a lot of it just for spite - ahead of time.

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Wynn D. Bottom

If the tp is going to dissolve mid-wipe, what's the point? You might as well just use your hand. That's my vote for worst toilet paper fault. With as few people as there are out there that actually wash their hands after using the bathroom, everyone should, at least, have toilet paper that creates an effective barrier between poo and hand. Either that, or someone needs to invent disposable wiping gloves.

I voted for "other", but nothing to do with cats. I hate the double rolls because there are fewer sheets and that means running out often, which really sucks if you forget to replace the spare roll. I like Scott 1000 sheet rolls because they last and it is reasonably soft, not too hard on hemmorhoids! Actually the CVS brand is as good as Scott, but cheaper. The soft stuff comes apart in layers, leaving the top layer stuck to your asshole. Another pet peeve is in some public bathrooms they have dispensers that only allow the roll to turn a little bit, and then it locks up. You have to unravel the paper around the roll. This can be a real pain in the ass, especially if you have a million-wiper.

I actually figured this out once using various packages of Charmin:

The best value (amount of usage time vs. amount you paid) is the 12 pack of double rolls.

The single rolls actually have the same amount of tissue, but you end up using more faster. I felt it was due to the fact that the roll fits nicely in your hand, and this makes it easier to roll more out in a hurry (and who wants to roll it back up when they get too much).

The mega rolls cost more when you figure out the price of 4 regular rolls vs. 1 mega roll. Plus the damn things don't fit in my home TP dispenser (I end up ripping off one or two squares at a time until it's worn down enough to roll freely).

The double rolls cost just a bit less and last the longest. The size of the roll discourages overrolling, and they fit better on my bathroom TP dispenser.

This experiment was done over a 6 month period and I used only regular Charmin (none of that aloe scented stuff...it's makes my butt itchy).

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What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

Fart Poopie (1233) -- 07.17.2007 -- wrote:
" ... Either that, or someone needs to invent disposable wiping gloves."

(*GGG scurries off to the patent office*)

Disposable wiping gloves would be the shit! *pun intended* I often thought they'd come in HANDY when changing diapers and frequently getting baby poop on my hands. Even just a mitt would suffice. And they could be scented or unscented! Textured or untextured! Medicated! Come in convenient packs of 12 or econopacks of 1200! Oh.... we're onto something!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

(*hurriedly downloads more patent forms*)

I keep waiting for: Sly Stallone's Sea Shells!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

I think for there to be TP nirvana, one must come up with absorbent that also cleans well. Why not have Wet Ones TP. Then you KNOW your asscrack is clean deodorized and ready for the next episode. Of course this would have to result in a sort of sealed TP spool BUT I think its worth looking into.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Save the environment, don't mess with TP! Just hop in the shower after a good poop.

Save the trees. Waste more water.

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What if everyone farted at once?

If I have any gripe with TP, it'd have to be tearing: sometimes it doesn't tear and the roll spins out of control, unspooling a foot or two onto the bathroom floor. I'm a buncher, so I buy the cheap stuff and wad it up: works just fine for me. At home it's not a major hassle, but it IS a real pain in the ass in public restrooms that have those enormous rolls. The roll is so heavy and hard to turn that I'm lucky to get 3 sheets off the roll before it tears.

You know you have cheap toilet paper if you can identify chunks of wood -- clearly visible in the paper -- by species. Have you noticed how the really thin stuff is always on a hard to spin roll and keeps breaking off every few sheets. Somethings rotten in skidmark. I buy my paper by the case at Sam's Club. It's a good deal but you have to have storage space for a huge box.

my vote went for the roughness issue (due 2 my 'roids and my love of spicy foods and alcohol), altho that was only because my main concerns werent listed... as much as i hate the real cheap stuff that loves to rip clean through and give u the brown finger treatment, my main peeve is with any TP that tears on the top layers only causing the dingleberry effect. maybe i wouldnt have to worry about that if i had no ass hair, but alas, thats not the case. so hair in the crack combined with the fact that i work in the heat and humidity of the south florida summer means the ass sweat and ass hair, along with the shit itself, combine to dampen, weaken, snag, tear and roll that cheap TP all up in there, causing a uncomfortable tangle in my nether region after several wipes. which is why at home i use scotts, it may not me as soft as my acorn might want it to be but it doesnt tangle... cuz those hairs really hurt when theyre pulled. also it last a long time, as opposed to those really cheap rolls that run out every 2 days

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oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

dw, sounds like you need a bidet, your life would improve. USA bidet, Biffy, Go-Bidet etc. Why suffer, besides you'll cut your tp roll usage dramatically. (If you're a man you can use 1 roll for several weeks, there's no helping women, they'll use a roll a day regardless)

the bidet would only work if they put one in at work too... but yeah a cool stream of water would definalty soothe the sore acorn. untill then ill make due with my scotts and my victoria bay (the cheap stuff at work)

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oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

PPP, I'll have you know I am a woman and have used the same single roll of TP for the last two weeks. And that's with others in the house. Poo to you! :-)

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What if everyone farted at once?

TSV, do you have an industrial roll dispenser installed in your bathroom at home? If not, what's your secret? I'll pass it on to my wife, she is the same way with paper towel, once I caught her drying the dishes with them.

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"Can you spare a square?"

"No, I don't have a square to spare."

We're the opposite at our house. GottaMan is an uber-consumer of all kinds of products. I'm the one always touting conservation.

I haven't kept track of how much TP we each use, though. Interesting experiment coming up!

Depends on the brand. Some brands are prone to breakthroughs, others are too scratcy, while others leave pesky but bunnies.
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"Thunder in March betokens a fruitfull year" .Or is it "Thunder in March, frost in June"?

My biggest problem with toilet paper is that it's hard to make it move across the "affected area." I have somewhat sticky poops, and when I take toilet paper, I use 4 sheets to start with and fold them into the size of one. The first pass is usually fine, but by the third one, when I apply the paper, it just sticks to the remaining poop, and I have to do a semi-scrunch to have enough to hold on to for a decent pass. Apparently the coefficient of friction is just enough for the paper to stick to a messy anus while not enough to stick to my fingers to move back and forth for the wipe. I always manage to get clean, but it can be a little frustrating.

I am a pretty adaptable guy. The thinner the paper, the more I use per wipe. It's not rocket science. My only gripe is if there is none.