I know a few red blooded American males that live in southwestern PA who have never hunted a day in there lives..and they are alive and have never been to jail.

Great Story. I had a vaguely similar experience hunting in the Texas Hill Country. I made the mistake of drinking some water out of a spring (the hill country was/is famous for it's "pure" springs) Anyway, about a hour later I knew I had something significant ready to get out the back door. I was hoping for a major turd or simply the classic squirts at the worse. I finally found a bent over sapling to sit on. I cut loose and released about a bucketfull of smelly runny but thick poop. I sprayed the stuff over about three square feet, so it was impractical to try to even cover it up. (I didn't even think of that anyway) To make matters worse, I farted a lot which help splatter the poop all over my cheeks. I knew I didn't have any TP with me before I went, but had no choice. I cut my handkerchief into four pieces and wiped best I could. However, when I got back to the camp, I still had plenty of cleaning up to do.What fun!!!

SP, you should have dragged your sorry shitten ass across the snow like a dog.

I would think the t shirt, unless it was your absolute favorite, would be the best wipe option. Plus, you could make it a wet wipe with the stream.

Can you say ironic?
Producing waste since 1967

That imagery made me choke on my soda Thunderbox.

I had a very similar experience once last year...except there was no deer. And more than my longjohns were ruined.

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What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

Open Butt Season! A case of "O DEER" while deer hunting. Classic!

Can you get rectal frostbite?

What day does hunting season start? I'm a SMART red blooded American male, and I'm thinking there are an awful lot of lonely red blooded American females that day, that could use some attention from ol' Bilgey. Hell...I might even bring Hamster....

Deer can sense when you have your "pants down" so to speak. That's when they come out to taunt you.

Hey Starship, I used to live in Waynesburg, did some hunting there too. Where are you?

The layers of clothing are what make this a good story.
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SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

You and Anomalous Coward should get together. Two heads are better than one,right?

PDG, LMAO...Open Butt Season ...good one
Bilgey, You will have to get Hamster to jump the pond since he lives in the UK.The two of you loose and on the hunt for damsels. We better get reports.
Producing waste since 1967

Sounds like one heckuva stag party there, SP.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

MSS - well I'm always saying I want to visit .... Could combine with a bit of reporting perhaps? An Englishman's experiences ....

I had a similar experience as well...from drinking from a stream. I shitted for what seemed like days. The brown goo was caked up my ass crack and on both cheeks, so I climbed up a tree and slid down it, leaving a big shitty smear all the way down. My asshole was puckered for days until I had the town whore give me a rim job. Good as gold now.

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"Cry havoc, and let loose the logs of war!"I'm from Latrobe, Dung Daddy

lollollol, thats about all i can manage. i'mlaughing too hard

__MSS, would love to go out to dinner with you, Bildgy, Hamster one evening. I call Turdfan though, that man is my date for that night. _____
Press on warts, who would buy those? -Well, hags mostly.

I'm Shocked! Frank2401 I am honored you would allow me to be the only female present....oh shit....wait!?!....I see the plan formulating....Frank, who put you up to this...LOL....
turdfan, you might really enjoy Frank's company.
Producing waste since 1967

Frank - nice idea! I'll make an announcement on the site when I'm coming over!!!

This is another case of Murphy's law. When you are dressed in layers of clothing you will either have the screaming shits or have to piss really bad.

I agree with Thunderbox. Use the snow next time!

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What if everyone farted at once?

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teddy Thats an insult i don't hunt and you say i am not a red blooded american.I just aint a killer you are.I wish you had not got your clothes off in time.How many of you red Blooded american hunters would be so eager to go huntin if the deers had guns and could shoot back ??I bet none would have the Balls!!!!

That will teach you to go murdering nature's fine creatures.

Fuck, Teddy's back...where's my foil helmet...he keeps reading my thoughts, and transmits dirty pictures of himself with a blow up sheep into my head....make him stop!!!!

Jeez... I just wanted to share a poop story. I didn't think I'd invoke such indignant rage.

Starship, that's how you know you wrote a good story. :) If it has a layer of discussion that you didn't even intend, that's cool.

Thanks, GottaGoGirl

Oh, by the way, just because I hunt it doesn't mean I "murdered any of natures fine creatures". I suck at it. I've never killed a deer in my life.

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teddy I have rethough what i said and i want to say i am sorry.I was a bit harsh.Its just i love animals so much.I think most hunters don't stop and think or won't let their mind wonder over to think of how horrible killing is.Maybe you have more heart and have though about it from what we said.I have seen a lot of dogs and cats run over by cars and die.And they were my animals it hurt like hell too.If you hunt and use it for food to me ok for trophy not ok just my feelings.P.S I don't dislike you !!!

True dat, Starship. I have a bumper sticker on my car that says "I'm a pro-hunting, pro-logging environmentalist."

Plus I think I could only kill a deer if it stole my pizza or something...I'd need a reason.

Welcome back from the brink, teddy. I had forgotten the reason I have a dictionary sitting next to my desk.

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No no, honey. Kitties don't sit on the potty.

My God, Queenie, don't encourage him, he'll enter your brain too, and consume it from within....at first it sort of tickles...but eventually the pain becomes unbear...AGAGAGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Bumper sticker on my car:

Vegetarians Are Delicious!

Ted, I would very much like to tell you about my wildlife relocation program.

Just this past deer season, I discovered a large buck that spent his time in the woods behind my property. Afraid that some hunter would happen upon this magnificent creature and shoot him, I took it upon myself to capture and relocate him to a place where he would never have to worry about being shot at again.

Now his home range is my freezer.

_Artful Dodger- just last week, a bear smashed a hole in my garage door, tore up 2 bags of dog food making a huge mess all over the floor. Then the stupid animal crashed through the garage window to get out instead of the hole in the garage door! $800+ in damage later, you bet this bears next home is MY FREEZER!______

Frank - my sincere commiserations! Where I live we've just had really bad flooding (I was lucky) but at least we don't have wildlife problems (apart from a few degenerates on two legs). Perhaps there is something to be said for living here after all!

Incidentally, I'd be interested in your ever thoughtful views on my post just now under 'How you Poop'!

(sigh) I was gonna post something nasty regarding Teddy and Hamster...but I'm desperately trying to be a better person. I hate having fucking morals....

Frank, what time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? (Time to get a new fence.)

What time is it when BEARS tear down parts of your HOUSE?!?

_I know GGG. I have been telling my partner that it's isolated and lonely up here in the woods of Pennsylvania even though it's beautiful.(time to move!) It's my jerk neibor's fault who lives up the hill about the bear, the moron keeps feeding the animal doughnuts and pizza. When he goes on vacation, the bear comes looking around my house for food. UGH!

_GGG I'm not witty and can't compete with all of the funny comments on this site. I'm a big fan of you though, your posts are very funny! Although, I somehow get the feeling that I'm not welcome on this website. Did you mean for me to move on?______

Frank - you just keep right on in here!! As you've probably noticed, I'm not universally popular either - do I care??

Frank2401 (72) -- 07.25.2007 -- wrote: " Did you mean for me to move on?"

(*rolls eyes*) No, silly, of course not.

I was just bear-baiting you. Har.

Frank, was he after your picnic basket?

That's "pic-i-nic" basket.

_Artful Dodger, picnic basket? Sounds good to me.
Anyway, not all of us are "fem" like I think you mean- (a homo "nancing" around in the woods with a basket) Also, I'm allowed to use the word homo because I am one, and I'll have you know (wise one) I can beat the crap out of most people. I get the hint, this is my last post.______

Who was mean to Frank2401? Please Frank DO NOT disappear. I, for one, am entertained reading your posts. I will track your responses to get some laughs for the day. Frank don't let the bully's on here get the better of you.
Producing waste since 1967

Frank - fully agree with Simone!!! Don't go!!!
Why should some ignorant users spoil our fun!!?
As my old hero said, 'never surrender!!'

_Thanks, MSS and Hamster. I just over react sometimes. I need to learn not to be too sensitive to some comments. Anyway, yesterday, maybe Artful Dodger's gynecologist pulled the wrong tooth.______

(*in her best Mom voice*):

All right, that's enough. Neutral corners, everyone.

Frank, fwiw, I was thinking "Bear=Yogi=Picnic", and I had guessed that's what Dodger meant, too.

Your orientation, furthermore, has no bearing whatsoever, around here. Hah!! "Bearing".

I didn't even do that one on purpose.

GottaGoGirl (2340) -- 07.26.2007
Frank, fwiw, I was thinking "Bear=Yogi=Picnic", and I had guessed that's what Dodger meant, too.

That's exactly what I meant. Didn't you watch cartoons as a kid? Anyway, when I made that comment I was just trying to keep the friendly conversation going. I wasn't aware of your orientation, so I'm fairly certain I wasn't attacking you for it. Even if I had known, I don't see how that comment could be construed as offensive or make me a bully and an ignorant person.

Now the way I see it, you can keep getting all Internet Tough Guy on me or you can decide that I meant no harm and we can kiss and make up. I might even tell you what my gynecologist had to say, despite the doctor-patient confidentiality.

P.S. Hamster, if you get your panties out of a bunch, then I'll be your buddy too.

Wow, there are sure alot of uptight people around here concidering this is a site devoted to poop!

A.D., I don't think Hamster wears panties. I hope that he wears proper "man knickers".
Producing waste since 1967

_Artful Dodger, I apologize for being such a defensive jerk. MSS can vouch for me, I sent her a picture this morning of a visit I had. The visit was because, well -I've just been upset because, someone just dropped a house on my sister.

Frank, don't sweat it. We all have our moments. If you say we're square, then that's cool with me.

AD - I have no problem with you. I apologise for the 'ignorant' remark. Just trying to offer Frank a bit of support - think he'd be missed on here. As you say, we all have our moments.

PS - we'll let Simone have the last word on my underwear - I'm sure you could not give a flying one anyway. Unless of course the type of underwear people wear has any bearing on their pooping habits!!??

Hamster (180) -- 07.26.2007 -- wrote: "...Unless of course the type of underwear people wear has any bearing on their pooping habits!!??"

I'd say it's more likely the other way 'round.

P.S. There's that bearing again! (sorry, couldn't help myself.)

Very good point GGG!! You are right, as ever!!! And the bearing was totally unintentional!

_Just wanted to say thanks MSS, Hamster, and GGG, others for putting up with me- About that bear. Well the game commission trapped it this morning, if anyone wants details, you will need to consult GGG. Artful Dodger, yes, kiss and make up? Yes I would. Don't tease me.______

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teddy Hi i sure never though i got in anybodys head wow!!!!Artfull Dodger my brother hunts too i don't fuss at him and if you eat that cool.I have something that i feel will save a life.You know how you hear about bears killing people when they go camping cause most like me don't carry guns..I know you would blast that bear with a rifle.Well i would not go out in the woods or where bears are without one thing fireworks and a matches and a good lighter.A small pack of firecrackers could save you from being mauled by a bear my thoughs. I really believe a bear would take off if you throw some lit firecrackers at him or sparklers or bottlerockets.I know forest fires are a consideration but if your between a bear and dieing whats a little fire.thanks teddy

Teddy, that vehicle you ride in....its a bus, right? And the one in particular that you are a passenger of is shorter than all the rest of the yellow buses, isn't it? Thats ok, nothing wrong with that...DE DEDEDE DE DETDET