When I poo I pee at the same time, I tuck my penis under. It helps poo. But that's not the problem. My tummy is always making "rumbling" noises, and it feels like the poo is moving down. These noises are very loud, and often get strange looks on a crowded train. I am sure Poonurse will have the answer, my boyfriend says, so here we are.

Dear Danny

Thanks for the question!

Now, this is not exactly "up my alley" (pardon the pun) but I will attempt an answer.

It happens when your stomach walls squeeze together in an attempt to mix and digest food and there's no food there. Gases and digestive juices slosh around in your empty stomach and before you know it - borborygmi.

This is a latin term for "homosexual penis-tucking stomach rumblings".

Hunger really has nothing to do with an empty stomach but, instead, is a product of certain nutrients the body is lacking. Once necessary nutrients are lacking from the gut, the dinner bell is rung, and the stomach and intestines come rumbling.

If ever in a situation where borborygmi kicks in, and there is no food in sight, remember to remain calm. Look at your neighbor on the train with disgust. Move away slightly, while shaking your head. If it continues, begin singing show tunes loudly and off tune. Everyone nearby will move away, and not be bothered by your borborygmi again.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse [1]

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility. Got a question [2] for her?