I rather suspect my bung port would recite several of Shakespeare's sonnets...I have an eloquent asshole.

I know this morning my asshole told me to LAY OFF the baked chicken wings with extra red pepper in the employee cafeteria. I should have noticed when my eyes warned me with heavy watering and my throat with burning and coughing but nooooooooooo. So at around 6am this morning my asshole responed with a filthy violent burning gas filled retort of its own. Wont be eatin those anymore!
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Mine says the same thing to me every morning-a series of farts that, roughly translated, says "Hey Dumbass, quit reading Poop Report and get in there and get rid of this log ."

My bunghole is also my shrink. When I sit on the pan, I consult it with my problems. It always responds loudly, in a frank and positive manner.

If your asshole could speak, what would it say?

"Lick me."

My asshole speaks all the time..."Honey what's for dinner? Honey where's my belt? Honey would you mind resurfacing the driveway while I watch Monday night football?"

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Man who stand on toilet seat is high on pot.

"More cabbage, please!"

We miss Bunghole in the Jungle.

I have sneaking suspicions that my butthole has Turret's.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Turret's, Daph? Like tank turrets? Or Tourette's, as in syndrome? The implications of the former are disturbing and frightening, the latter, just funny...Love ya, babe!

Mine would say, "Hey, eat more roughage. We need to interact more often!"

If a log falls in the forest green toilet and there's nobody around to hear it, does it make a sound?

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"Can you spare a square?"

"No, I don't have a square to spare."

PPP, I'm sorry, maybe I'm just dense. Am I missing something here?

"Hey, what do you want from me? I can only do so much with the shit I'm given. Otherwise, I've got no control over this. If you want to blame somebody for this mess, check with the real asshole. Do you seem him? He's up there above the shoulders."
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

My asshole DOES speak. After all, I'm a lawyer....

It is written: a lawyer's asshole is an open and shut case.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

"FUCK YOU T-P"

pyropoo, do you have sandpaper butt? :)
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Mine would say "tuck me back in - it's cold out here!" But recently it's been saying "ready or not, here it comes!"

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

ha no. just hate the repercussions of my spicy diet and multiple poops a day. first post :)

mine would say something like.... who keeps poking me in the eye?

I usally poo about 3 times a day and i am atually s****ing right now. I wipe about 5-9 times it's gross because my sis wipes about 56 times and blocks the loo so i can't do my business. I love pooing in a public toilet so others can smell the best of me. POOING is gross but going 7 times a day is even more gross man. What do you eat is what you could smell some of your food. I don't poo in school because i afraid of other people laughing at the smell.

um ok... this is really dumb lol why would my asshole talk?

Apparently, it can type, too.

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What if everyone farted at once?

(*rimshot*) Well done.

I am SO glad you're back!

We knew she was coming back. We must never be allowed to get atop the Volcano in user points!

Never.

Mine would say this is Captain Fart, announcing that General Shit will be departing in 15 minutes.

The term for your butt speaking is called Assholalia, much like Glossolalia, which is speaking in tongues, our asses speak in dungs.

Ok, now where did I put my bible and them thar snakes....

Handling the old butt snakes again there, Bunga?

The Dumpster (2648) -- wrote: "Yeah, but look who is about to crawl on top of me!"

I beg your pardon, sir! That would be unladylike!

Witty. My crack never fails to crack me up.
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SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

I need a new ass, the old one has a crack in it.

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"Can you spare a square?"

"No, I don't have a square to spare."

"Knock, Knock."

"Who's There?"

"Poo."

"Poo Who?"

"If you're crying from taking a shite, you need a stool softener."

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

I can't understand what my asshole says because it has a stutter.

Mine would say "Captains Log...Star date 3/30/2009" "We have....some sort of....sphincter....jamming probably from the.....Romion... noodle galaxy, Mr. Scott...we need... more....power" I'm Giving her all shes got Captian...Careful shes gonna blow!! "Bones....Bones...Could you help me.... remove my....Captains log?" Dammit Jim...I'm a Doctor not an asswipe!
To boldy go where no man has gone before(and never will) :)

Oooooooooooooo-Klahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plain...

It's very theatrical and high maintenance.

Mine would probably scream profanities at me for eating so badly all weekend and getting the millionwiper rabbit shits. "You damned bitch don't wipe me so hard! Where's that soft paper?! Just wait till you're sleeping, I'm gonna get back at you for this!!"
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Everytime I look in the mirror my asshole smiles and says "Good morning handsome."_______
Here I sit, my cheeks a flexin' , trying to give birth to another Texan!!

Mine says,

Roses are red
Violets are pink
I'm your asshole
That's why I stink.

Mine would probably complain about appalling working conditions and wish to discuss compensation for industrial injuries. My anus is a bit of a socialist, I think.