last boyfriend [2], I figured I'd try out an IUD. In short, an IUD (intrauterine device) is a chunk of copper wire that sits inside the uterus and prevents pregnancy. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? I have a few friends who've gotten them and have had no ill effects. So I booked the appointment and went in the following month.
They insert the IUD by opening up the cervix and putting in the device. Most people have little-to-no pain, and from what I understand, problems are pretty rare. But then there's always an exception...
I was up on the table with my feet in the stirrups, which I've always found extremely awkward, humiliating, and uncomfortable. The doctor started on her way by inserting the speculum first. I could feel her doing something weird with my cervix, and all of a sudden I felt the worst pain I've ever experienced. I couldn't help but raise my voice a bit.
"What is happening?!" I looked down my torso and saw her face looking at mine from between my legs. She appeared a bit startled. Then she explained that she was opening up my cervix and that I could either continue with the procedure or stop. She also explained that because I haven't had any kids, the pain would probably get worse when she actually inserted the piece of metal. I decided to stop.
She took the torture devices out of me. I felt a huge wave of nausea and heat surge over me. I was beginning to have what is known as a "vasovagal response." I started to sweat, my pulse rate went up, I'm sure my blood pressure was in my boots, and the nurse who was in the room told me I looked white with a tinge of green. Lovely! The doctor ordered me to remain lying down because if I sat up, my blood pressure could drop more and I could faint.
So I did. I lay down for about ten minutes, until I felt the panic of, "Holy fuck, I've gotta shit. Now!"
I sat up and the nurse helped me off of the table and onto the can. I sat down on the toilet while she stood in front of me, holding me by my shoulders so I wouldn't teeter way off of the pot fall and onto the floor. I took a ginormous shit and managed to do the clean up on my own.
After that, they took me to the "chill room," where I put my legs up in the air and tried to get my blood back to the core areas of my body. It took about forty-five minutes before I felt okay enough to sit.
I'm kind of a fence rider on the whole Shameful versus Shameless thing. It depends on the situation as to where I stand on the subject. But for this experience, the most awkward thing for me was taking a dump in front of someone else. At work, I help people into the bathroom and in the bathroom and, hell, I even help people get the poo out of their bums all the time. I don't think anything of it. But this was definitely an experience being on the receiving (or is it giving?) end of things!
Anyone else ever had an intimate experience remotely like this?
