Aside from that, the increasingly-elderly audience of this periodical, which was for decades the most widely-circulated magazine in the world [1], maintains an ever-increasing interest in the vagaries of the digestive process. Thus, our poop report.
In its December, 2007, issue, the Digest carries a box on page 114 somewhat crudely entitled, "Got Gas?" (Oh, what would Grandmama Dumpster say? Her subscription would have been cancelled by return mail!) However, this obviously seized the attention of your PoopReporter. Here are the facts, according to the Digest [2]:
"There are no easy ways of getting around gas, only easy ways of avoiding it in the future," says Mehmet Oz, MD. If you suspect that bulking up on veggies or beans is the problem, try Beano before your next meal. The supplement contains an intestinal enzyme that helps your body break down complex carbs.
How to avoid the problem: I attempted each of the above suggested dietary protocols, but the only one I was successful at was to "avoid... Brussels sprouts".
No, wait. I didn't "drink water with meals," either. I substituted Jack Daniels.
In any event, the article notes that the "average person passes gas between 14 and 23 times a day." Now, I'm sure that all of us "average persons" are in there somewhere, but the credibility of the article is completely destroyed by its failure to account for either volume or stench. Thus, The Shit Volcano, with one single fart, could wreck the whole average and destroy the premise of the article. Plus, where is the evidence that Queen Victoria, or Liberace, or Ronald Reagan, or Mother Theresa ever engaged in such a flagrant flowering of flatulence?
Something serious is missing here. I've trusted the Digest for most of my life. What it says may be true; but, on the other hand, it could be some vast conspiracy to deflate the reputations of Great People. In any event, this is surely one area in which we PoopReporters should unite and demand a loud blast of truth!
The average person passes gas between 14 and 23 times a day. When you're struck with painful bloating and gas, try taking an antacid or Pepto-Bismol to coat your stomach, or probiotics to ease your symptoms. Over-the-counter products that reduce gas may contain simethicone or activated charcoal, but they're not that effective, say experts. Generally you just have to wait it out (or let it out!).
