I have experienced long-term constipation and hemorrhoid issues since high school. I was a frequent drinker and an infrequent smoker, and I admit to a sedentary lifestyle, although I always got more exercise than the average American. Probably ate too much dairy and drank too much coffee and green tea.

Early this summer, I began experiencing dampness in my underwear that I attributed to sweat. Somewhat concurrently I also experienced my first external hemorrhoid. This June, I woke up one morning absolutely soaked with this moisture -- no smell, no fecal matter, no blood or anything -- and then proceeded to have explosive diarrhea for days. My anus, frankly, was absolutely torn up. I was on the toilet for the better part of the day for a week. I tested positive on a virus test and my GP sent me to a gastro specialist.

With the gastro doctor I did a barium test (for Crohn's), numerous feces tests for bacteria or viruses and what not, and a flexscope/biopsy for colitis or bowel cancer... nothing. I did week- and two-week long regiments of different antibiotics.

Since then, for over three months now, I have experienced incredibly frequent bowel movements -- often ten a day even when taking Imodium. My activity schedule is kinda off from having worked second shift jobs, but it's usually diarrhea all morning/afternoon until it calms down a bit later on. Sometimes the mystery wetness comes by itself and will soak through my underwear, but it also always accompanies a bowel movement. Sometimes it seems to be sweat, sometimes it's obviously not -- I can tell due to the spread pattern. I have tried anti-fungal sprays hoping that the sweat was from a skin infection. No luck.

I have no medical insurance, and my GI doctor has discharged me, blaming the wetness on hemorrhoids and, frankly, not even listening to me. I think he was just getting rid of a chronically sick patient without insurance.

Since then I went to another GP, and he thinks I am lactose intolerant. He ran a pretty thorough blood test for thyroid problems and what not, but everything has come back clean. A week into this no-dairy diet I feel just as bad -- not to mention that there's no history of lactose intolerance in my family. We're about as northern European as you can get.

So, still: nonstop watery diarrhea and mucus and the weird moisture problem. Sometimes I defecate nothing but mucus, often bloody. If my anus was leaking mucus, wouldn't it even occasionally leak fecal matter, blood, or the yellow mucus I see in the toilet? Also, very rarely do I experience any internal discomfort -- if I'm in pain, it's usually from the frequent bowel movements doing a number on me. I have lost about forty pounds since this started. During particularly bad periods I completely lose my appetite.