I can't vote on this one, I'm a cat cupper, swisher and swirly guy

I'll scrunch all night, and I'll scrunch all day, and I'll scrunch with a tree hugger if they get in my way.

combo of scrunch with one smooth layer of tp on top.

_______
all aboard the farty train to pooterville..if you can't shit at my house, we aren't friends

Whats the difference between a baller and a scruncher?

I wrap it around my hand and then pull the bunch off to wipe. But it is neat and kinda square. I just like being able to get one fold over for the second wipe.

Postman, the baller wraps the tp around a golf ball and shoves it in his bung. This is a very difficult technique, and is definitely not for beginners.

Professional ballers use a softball, or the elite, a bowling ball.

Oranges and grapefruits work well also.

Personally I'm a wadder, big wads for a big job, oooohhh yeeeeaaaah

Phat, I bet there are some tree huggers that are scared shitless of you.

I'm curious to see what folks in the "otherer" column do. We already know Bilgie's cat regimen. Does anyone just not use TP at all? I worked with a girl that I could swear NEVER used fucking TP! She also never flushed!

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

^^now that's gross but funny at the same time. I'd hate to be her panties!

I'm a folder, and even with my soft poops nowadays I seldom have to use more than 10 or 11 squares of paper for the whole process. I take 4 for the first pass, fold into 1 square, wipe, and refold for another pass; the same for the next 4 squares; and then for the last 3, which I finish off with a dab of Noxzema for deep cleaning. Saves paper.

Shitwit, I guess your co-worker could use the argument that if you don't wipe or flush, then there should be no need to wash your hands either. Just sit there with your hands in the air like a surgeon entering the o.r., do your business and head off to lunch.

Isn't baller and scruncher sorta the same thing?
I'm surprised folder is so popular...who has the time and patience?
I'm a scruncher/baller.

Just for shits and giggles I tried the folding method. I started at the balls and slid upward. Much to my dismay, my hand moved but the paper didn't. It wasn't pretty. I think the hand wrappers should fall under the folding category, unless they keep the wrap around their hand while wiping, in which case they should be lumped in with the "otherer" deviants.

I use the folding technique but with a twist..I use three sheets but on fold the first 2 with the 3rd hanging out...I wip with the folded part but the 3rd sheet is just in case i slip and it catches any wayward poop particles

In my house you have to limit the toilet paper or it will be one roll per poop. Talk about poop paranoia!! Balling it is the only way to go!

I Am A BALLER Through and Through....My Boss and I have an ongoing argument about which is better.....
If you go 4-wheelin'/Muddin' you use NOBBY, BIG TIRES FOR TRACTION..Same with BALLIN'..It has more areas to catch "MUD" and get it out.......
FOLDERS...It's like putting RACING SLICKS ON FOR A MUD BOG....
No Traction or grip..What about the possibility of "FINGER THROUGH THE TOILET PAPER"?....
BALLUH BABY....

_______
Yours Poohly
Skid McMarks

Skid aka Big Daddy, as you can see the results show that 50% of folks are folders and 43% are ballers/scrunchers (I consider scrunchers the same as ballers) So folders are in the majority. Look at the other plumbers--they are folders. Folders use less paper and therefore are saving our enviroment. However, what the h*LL is a cat cupper... Balling is an acceptable way of wiping, but is it effiecent? Looking at the amount of toilet paper ballers use I think not. Folks you'll have to forgive Skid, his pride occasionally tends to get in the way of his pragmatism. I must say he is a great service plumber and a good friend.

1.) You're using the majority rule as an indicator of what's better to do. That's stupid.

2.) Anyone who uses toilet paper is not saving the environment. People who use BIDETS are saving the environment.

3.) It's a sign of pride to feel the right to apologize for someone else, Doctor TP.

I'm suprised more bidet users haven't sounded off on this one. Personally I don't have one and really can't speak for them one way or another, but it would seem like a bidet would be effective in cleaning up the bungport. The thing that keeps me afraid of bidets is how do they stay clean? What about the shitflakes that come off your butt that get stuck to the sprayer-type-part and then get dislodged and sprayed onto the next person's butt? Can someone please explain this a little better?

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

I never really noticed before what I am, so this morning I made an effort to find out. I just grab the TP, pull a length of it off, and wad it up. So I guess I'm a wadder, which isn't one of the choices.

I'm a fan of tha Absorbinator. I just take a wad of scented tp, run a hot tap over it so it's good and moist then insert it cautiously between the buttocks, a good depth so ass to capture ass much fecal matter as possible. Then i keep it there and remove it at such time ass i next need to pitch one. Then repeat this process after each performance. It is extremely effective ass not only does the scent cancel out any brown odours or stray farts but the warm feeling is comforting and, of course, it thoroughly de-poops the area and leaves you feeling fresh ass a summer's breeze.

I use the fold myself, it gives more surface area for the messy loads. Though I do prefer the bidet over anything, I don't own one, so I settle for folding.

what in tarnation have I stumbled upon? Is any of this serious? Because most of this seems like b.s. (no pun).

My thought exactly, doniker: scruncher, wadder, baller - all sound similar to me. I've always been a scruncher...I feel like it gives me more surface area to work with.

First I fold, then I wipe, fold over, and wipe again. Then turn the TP inside out in a scrunched up ball and wipe again. I'm a jack-of-all-trades in the TP department.

_______
Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.

A triple dipper! I bet you also do the same with your tortilla chips and guacamole.

Scrunchers, Wadders...are ALLL BALLERS...BALLERS UNITE and Fall in line....Also...For the record..A Massaging Shower head with a hose attachment is a GGGGGGGRRRRRRRREEEAAAAATTTTTT Way to Tidy up after a FURIOUS GRUMPY.....
_______
Yours Poohly
Skid McMarks

I'm a folder but can empathize with the scrunchers and ballers but I still don't understand the standing wipers. That is just plain weird.

I agree with Bunga on the standers. First of all, by standing, your ass is no longer over ground zero. That in itself is a grave security breach. Second, by standing, the cheeks are mashed together along with their payload. I mean, try holding a pencil in your crack in both the sitting and standing positions. It can only be done one way. By standing, you are forcing your hand, and the paper to withstand crushing pressures, and this can only lead to incomplete cleaning.

They say that elevators smell different to midgets, and I think that the standers have a lot to do with that.

Please Help me find More Ballers...I need You Guys...I feel alone....HELP...
_______
Yours Poohly
Skid McMarks

Skidsy, I'll ball one up for you tonight pal.

Looks like folders rule Skid. Let's put a bidet in the shop. I like that idea.
_______
The Mayor

Doggy - until reading your crisp analysis above, I have always said to myself, "Let standing wipers lie. They do things differently, but don't think yourself or your sitting method superior." Well, those days are over, thanks to you. Standing wipers are clearly dumb asses. To add to your list, think about standing in public stalls. For guys, you'd need one hand to keep your pants up off the floor. That means using only one hand to fight with the tp dispenser. We could go on and on.

Also need one foot to stomp on Larry's toes. The juggling act from hell.

I seem to have come upon a glitch that may cause this entire poll/thread to crash. Let me 'splain; I am a heavy scruncher, but I just noticed that I do not scrunch unless the tp roll is actually on the roller and I have the use of both hands. Occasionally, a new roll will be left leaning on the spindle and not put on the roller as should be. (my revving chainsaw threats seem to fall on deaf ears these days). With the dispense mechanism compromised, I find that only the wrap method can be used. Hold the roll, wrap around hand and remove. Fold, scrunch, ball cannot be performed under these parameters. I have been doing this without (until now) thinking. Perhaps this is an involuntary survival mechanism that I have been unaware of. Anybody else experience this or something similar?

The eight-section foldover into a nice neat square of several layers is especially useful for the first few passes when you can expect high amounts of end product. The flat surface allows you to inspect the product before discarding. For the "Good Morning Poop" I don't bother wiping too thoroughly since the next stop is the shower. Later in the day poops require a well-moistened, square-folded paper towel for the final three passes to ensure the absence of skidmarks later on. In my bathroom, I have a roll of paper towels atop the toilet tank, extra TP in the under-sink cabinet, the bathroom sink a mere 20 inches from where I sit and the Heavy-Duty Mega-Plunger (with flange) on the other side. All is within easy reach and I am content.

"Get that freshly-pooped feeling all day, with Taco Bell..."
----Captain Craptastic!!!