While fumbling with a cylindrical container of Pringles, I was hit with an idea about nutrition. Conscious of the empty calories I was about to consume, I imagined that some day, all foods -- wholesome fruits, vegetables, and meats, as well as crunchy snack foods -- might be improved. Apply modern technology to food nutrition: all food, no matter what, will someday all be health food. Imagine producing a chip that contains all basic nutritional requirements, chock full of vitamins, minerals, enzymes, fiber, and a perfect blend of protein, carbohydrates, and fat. Eating chips would be the equivalent of taking vitamin pills.

Not only that, but these foods would be so perfect that the body could assimilate almost one hundred percent of the bulk consumed. That would mean that bodily waste excretions would be reduced to a bare minimum. No shit, in other words. Only little rabbit-like pellets would be expelled from our bodies.

The toilet paper industry would become nonexistent. The need for toilets would be greatly reduced. People would need never worry again about bowel movements, since it would be possible to collect pellets in their pants without having to make pit stops in public restrooms. Places like PoopReport.com would serve no purpose, and people obsessed with caca would have to find something else to obsess about.