You have all guessed it: I have become the Exhaust-In-Chief.
It has not happened suddenly, but rather over the past year-and-a-half. It started with an incompatibility with the following foods:
Those create incredible pains for forty-eight hours -- cramps every 15 minutes, as if Edward Scissorhands was talking in sign language inside my belly.
Then:
And now (what have I done to deserve this?):
And here's the ultimate ticket to me becoming an illegal drug addict:
For any doctors reading this thread -- if you're still there -- take note that the last three I can eat, but 9.5 times out of 10 they will cause the horrendously putrid farts that have resulted in my rejection from most forms of beings.
Can someone tell me what is happening to me? Is my stomach being progressively reworked to accept the next alien invasion? I can almost feel my DNA changing. I can certainly smell it.
The odor is NOTHING you have ever smelled in your life. It's a mix of outworldly gases. The stench is so heavy that it sticks to the walls for days on and requires a scraper to remove.
Someone, please, help me.