I sit in a skanky house I know
And sat many an hour ago
  Staring at the gray, steel stalls
  O, ass, do ye hear my calls?
I need a long, brown log to grow!

O'er splattered pot walls, a fart has pealed
My ass, I hope, a shit will yield
  My innards are now doing flops
  The corn I ate producing crops
Perhaps I shall shit a field.

I deal with a strangely rancid fart
That threatens to blow my cheeks apart
  Hoping, praying to dump my load
   'Tis merely gas my ass has blow'd
Air comes; I would rather shit than fart

The turtlehead is coming out
As my bunghole's lips purse then pout
  I feel my sphincter begin to sway
  Hark! Perhaps a poop coming to play?
As it arrives, I cry out

"No, turd, you're thick as tar!"
I hope no one has fucked with my car.
  I thought I only had to pee
  Now, my asshairs cry in agony!
Doubtless, in a mire of flames, with an inferno, on par.

'Tis a fiery and tireless shit -- it makes me mad!
When I think of the travel time I once had
  But out a final "plop!" sings
  I wipe my ass, and flush this thing
I'm out of the shithouse, and am glad!