I need a reply as soon as possible. I am a seventy-seven-year-old veteran. I lost my right eye in Korea in 1952 from a mortar injury. I was twenty-one. I was fitted with a glass eye and have made do ever since. In the past fifty-five years, I have lost my prosthesis twice, and each time I have listened to my wife ride me for it.

Well, I've lost my eye again.

Actually, I swallowed it.

Every once in a while, something irritates the socket, so I remove the eye and put it in my mouth to wash any foreign objects or dust away. This is something I've done all my life and it's never bothered me. This past Saturday I had come down with a cold and coughed, and out it popped on to the floor. Being annoyed and in a hurry to do something else, I quickly picked it up and put it in my mouth to rinse it off -- when, to my misfortune, another coughing fit occurred. Then I swallowed it.

It wouldn't come back up when I tried to vomit. There is no way I can go to a doctor about this, because our grandson was visiting the last time this happened, and my wife is still convinced he stole it off my night stand while visiting. If I fess up now, I'm going to look like a fool for not correcting her.

For the past two days I've told her the eye was bothering me and that I had decided to leave it out. Sometimes this happens, so she's not suspicious -- but I'm running out of time. It's not showing up in my bowel movements. For the love of God, what can I do to pass my eye without having a medical procedure or scan of some kind? And why hasn't it come out?

The reason I ask is that I'd rather collect my old one than shell out the money for new one; but I don't recall passing the first two. Do you have any suggestions to help me? The longest I've gone without wearing my eye is five days, so please respond soon. I'm running out of time. I'd have rather not written to your website, but as it is I'm pretty sure no one will see my plight here who knows me.

You seem like a knowledgeable lady, I'm hoping you know something that I can do to retrieve my eye. Thanks in advance.

This is no joke.

Signed, Martin