i quit smoking about a year and a half ago, but i never smoked in the bathroom. i didn't like the combination of smells, which i had been exposed to having a dad who smokes while pooping. the smell in there afterwards was worse than just poop!

mr. pance also smoked while pooping (but he has also quit). supposedly it helps move things along.
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i love poop.

Interesting, Pristine-assed Girl. So while on one end is exiting a long cylinder with an accompanying gaseous exhale, on the other is entering a long cylinder with an accompanying gaseous inhale. Can't think of a better example of the phrase, "garbage in, garbage out."

I quit smoking about 12 years ago, but back in the day I used to smoke on the shitter. But one day I dropped the cigarette and got a nasty burn on my thigh, so I quit smoking on the throne after that.

By the way, Logjam - that was one of the best posts I've ever read on this site. If I was one of the moderators, I'd give you a plus 2 for sure.

I have never smoked in my entire life. So therefore, I never smoked while on the toilet. At one time though I dated a girl who's mother always smoked while on the toilet. Sometimes I would have the misfortune of going in there after her (the mother) and the bathroom smelled like both poop and smoke. It was horrible, I would pray that after I shitted the bathroom would smell a little better. This was the only bathroom in the house as well. My mother in law smokes, but she doesnt smoke on the toilet, she actually goes outside to smoke. But fortunately, she is trying to quit smoking.

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In search of the ever evasive BM

oh, man. i totally forgot another completely disgusting thing about smoking in the bathroom. first of all, you get gross smoke stains on the ceiling. but what's worse, is if there's moisture in the bathroom as well, if someone's taking a shower for example, smoke particle filled water droplets form on the ceiling. they usually just hang there, but one would drop on me occasionally, and that's just gross.
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i love poop.

Postman, I can go you one better. I once had the bright idea to drop my butt between my legs into the crapper without standing up. I guess I was feeling lazy. Anyway, I was a six pack past good hand-eye coordination and ended up with a nasty burn on my beanbag.

Ouch. Nuff said.

What postman said!

Smoking helps me relax! and we know I need to learn how to do that.

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for more about me.

Two years ago I was just out of college and wanting to make a good impression at my boyfriend's company picnic. This was held at a huge public park and picnic facility that attracted about 2,000 people. Of course, the toilets were in these brick block buildings and were very smelly and dirty. On top of that, I had to wait more than 15 minutes outside the building before the line got inside and I got within eye's distance of the stalls. Slowly, but finally...my turn! As always in such places I put toilet paper over the seat and I gingerly sat down, careful not to let my butt get off the tissue. After about 3 minutes I started getting nervous knowing that the line was long, my crap was 3 or 4 days late, and I reached in my purse for a cigarette. Luckily I had my lighter at the top of the clutter and after the first couple of drags, I flicked the ashes between my legs and into the stool. I took another couple puffs and my apparent relaxation led to the emergence of my long, well-formed log and as I moved forward on the stool and pushed as hard as I had in some time, the resistence broke and I filled the bowl. I mistakenly spread my legs in an attempt to get a look at what I had accomplished, and in doing so split the front of the three toilet tissues. My smoke was basically a stub and I methodically flicked it into the stool, however, for some reason a hot ash landed on my left thigh and another started the corner of the seat-lining toilet paper on fire. I quickly jumped up, flung it into the bowl, and completed the long wiping process while seeing the abrasion forming on my thigh. I've been in a similar situation twice since then and both times I've had better experiences by not putting a combustible down on the seat.

Smoking cigarettes on the throne is one thing, but what about smoking weed? In my own weed smoking days I never did that on the pot, But it seems more dangerous than cigarettes. Get high, get relaxed, start a fire.

But the getting relaxed part would probably help the shit flow more smoothly.

I never smoke inside my apartment because I do not want my bedding, towels, clothes hanging in the closet, furniture, carpet, et cetera to reek of cigarets. Smoking in the bathroom would mean that after taking a nice long shower, the towel I dry myself with smells of cigarets (YUCK!).

I do, however, enjoy a smoke outside after a particularly satisfying turd (kind of like the post-orgasmic smoke we see so often in films)!

Smoking outside on the walkway in front of my second floor apartment also deters the idiot neighbors and their hellspawn ankle-biters from coming near me. The same logic also applies to waiting in ticket lines at movie theaters: I don't want you to stand right behind me, if you do, be prepared for some second-hand toxics! Gimme at least arm's length and we'll get along just fine (the average person is only a handful of IQ points away from MORON)!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

I useta smoke, I quit about 8 years ago. I always smoked while I was on the can, it was part of the routine.

I only smoke when I'm drinking. And only outside. I can't stand the smell of smoke, and I can't stand the smell of shit so that'll never happen.

Those who went to Jesuit high schools know you can't crap and not in some way, shape or form not be impacted by the large number of smokers. First, we had the sloppy girls who would pull their panties up while holding the cigarette in their mouth, thereby leaving hot ashes on the seat for the next user. I quickly sat down and burned my butt at least twice due to them. Second, I would be pushing like hell to get my crap to start and with only two minutes left in the passing period, time was of the essence, when the occupant of the right stall would pass me a half-used "chain" cigarette under the partition for use by those in stalls to the left of me. I now remember that I preferred the end stalls for a reason! Word had it that Sister Ruth Ann shit herself once when she was trying to trace the "evidence' of a cigarette that had traveled through 12 stalls.

I never sit on the toilet without a cigarette!
In fact, the two most important things when pooping (for me at least) are a cigarette and magazine/novel. I usually light the cigarette after entering the toilet and sitting down, but have been known to light up in the hallway.

Pooping for me, lasts anywhere in the vicinity of between 10 and 20 minutes; I rarely push or try to 'encourage' my poops out of my bottom. Rather, I simply relax, flip through the pages of whatever I'm reading, and let nature (and gravity) do its thing. I often time the exhale to coincide with the turd slowly sliding out of my anus and splashing into the waters below. (The almost orgasmic sensation of a wide, soft turd slowly making its way out, in concert with a slowly exhaled plume of smoke is beyond description.)

Pooping is fun, smoking is enjoyable, and together, well, hey, life's just great!

There is a word for this but I can't think what it is....getting a blowjob while droping a turd, if you did this while
scratching an itch and sneezing you would die from sensory overload. What a way to go!!!!

That was hilarious, GTC!

I don't smoke anymore. I stopped 11 yrs ago. But if I did, yes, I would smoke on the pot. Usually if I lit up, it would trigger an urge to deficate. So I would take the smoking into the bathroom. I didn't like being in that small space with all that smoke eventhough I left the door open. I abhor smoke in my clothing ect. I have family members who smoke and their homes are yellowed with nicotene.The walls are yellow brown. Everything even pictures get yellow. I don't like it. It makes me sneeze and my nose stopps up and my eyes burn and water. I don't like children smelling of smoke....Yes poop and cigarette smoke combined is a stinky offense. I remember that from my childhood when the sperm donor used to hog the bathroom smoking and shitting for hours. no exaggeration. Cruel and disgusting.

I gave up smoking about 12 years ago so I don't smoke on the pot.
I do, however, like to have a cup of tea while perched on the throne. For some strange reason it matters not what tea I am drinking, it is always green when my poop is done.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Smoking does not relax you so you can poop, it stimulates you, as nicotine is a stimulant. It's like drinking a cup of coffee to get the bowels moving. It increases your blood flow while constricting your arteries, so you blood pressure raises. This causes your bowels to force what's in them out on most occasions. So, you're not really relaxed, you're hopped up. If you feel relaxed, it could be because you got your fix and it's psychological.

A cup of coffee and a cigarette were the last ditch effort for constipation when I was in college, a combination that never failed because I rarely did either. At those times, I was grateful for that nicotine, no matter how bad it made my fingers smell.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

What daphne said. If you want relaxation, booze it up instead.

The only thing that smokes is my behind......

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I would have a cigarette but I'm not a loser.

Actually, can I change that? Neither me or my behind smoke cigarettes. (can you imagine the smell of burning hair?) My backside however, is prone to some steaming after the dump.
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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

Never smoked in my life, but my father was a smoker until 1992. I can't recall him ever smoking on the can, nor indoors for that matter. From stories told by above posts, I can't imagine the smell my dad would have produced had he shit and smoked in the bathroom at the same time. I'm sure the building would have been condemned, and in this post 9/11 era he would have been arrested for terrorism.

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Well, you don't actually blow on it. That's just an expression.

I find when I'm thinking about sparking up a ciggerette It triggers a need to shit and it's not the ciggerette it's the thought of it that makes me want to just sit down and let go.

I don't smoke regularly (tobacco anyway).

But I do enjoy a few pipes whilst having a shit because I always find the shitter is a place to relax and think about stuff and cannabis is very good for this purpose.

With me a cigarrete while pooping is amazing. It relaxes your body so your shit will go down smoothly and in a faster pace. Though, I hate having my bathroom smell like smoke! So I only do it on occasion and when i require the cig to help speed up the process.

i love smoking will i poop. i also just love smoking. sometimes if im reading while pooping ill chain smoke like 5 before i leave the toilet. i keep a pack of benson and hedges and matches next to the toilet in case i forgot to bring my current pack with me.

dingle berry....My brother-in-law has emphysema, his quality of life has gone down considerably the last few years since he has to be hooked up to oxygen tanks most of the time. He was a smoker for years. He also breathed a lot of chemical fumes while performing his job as a mechanic. He is in the hospital now and chances are good that he will not make it. Enjoy your cigarettes!
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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

when i was single and had no kids, this wasn't the case. but now my only time for myself is in the toilet (where no one can really disturb me and i'm not around the kids so i can smoke without guilt). now i can't poop without a cig. someone know how i can quit this?

I have never smoked while taking s poop. However, when I was in college whenever I would get high I would need to poop right after. Even now, when I am extremly constipated (a week or more of no poop. Usually happens once or twice s year) I will call up a college buddy and see if I can smoke a bowl to fill the bowl.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

With the amount of methane I usually put out when I crap, lighting a match wouldn't be the most prudent thng to do._______
Sorry---I farted!!

I occasionally smoke during a crap, but I haven't for about a year. The smell is bad enough without adding to it.

Besides, I always smoke outside on the balcony these days, never inside. I prefer it actually, as I no longer get that cold smoke stench in the house. I'll give up altogether soon. Tomorrow maybe...

El Scumbag....I quite smoking over 12 years ago. I didn't realize how bad smokers smelled when I was going around reeking myself. Now that I no longer smoke I find the smell of stale smoke to be a sickening stench. My nephew visited me last week and I was glad when the foul smelling little bastard went home.
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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I should add that it is possible to smoke through your arse if you practice. It's all down to abdominal control, just like the guys who can suck a little air in through their browneye and fart at will. I can't do this to any significant degree but I most certainly CAN suck in a little smoke from a lit cigarette inserted in my freckle. You have to clench your belly muscles and then clench your nipsy in and out (or 'wink' if you can do it, and you should be able to draw on it sufficiently to make the tip glow, then remove the cigarette quickly and push out as if you were forcibly expelling a fart. If you're lucky you should get a little puff of smoke coming out of your shitlips.

Of course it's nothing new. Josef Pujol (Le Petomane) the French music hall fartist, used to smoke a cigarette through a tube inserted into his anus as part of his daily performance, and I believe my fellow countryman Mr Methane can also do this. But I would imagine that anyone with a vague level of muscle control can so it to a modest extent with practice.

I should also add that this activity is probably not healthy to your bowels and should not be attempted by those with IBS or piles, hence the reason why I haven't attempted it since my 'roids flared up a year or so ago. Besides, it makes the butt end of the cigarette taste awful if you try to finish it in the usual way afterwards.

Scummy.........I visited a carnival years ago that had a girly show in which a young lady smoked a cigarette with her hoo-hoo to the delight of all we young lads who were watching. We stomped the floor, clapped vigorously, and shouted with delight at the remarkable talent this young wench exhibited. This was the kind of entertainment that we boys loved. We didn't need video games, TV or any of the myriad electronic gadgets that kids today can not live without.
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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

(sniff) I miss the good old days.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I like terms like 'hoo hoo'. Twee names like that aren't used enough these days.

There's a lady on Youtube that plays the American national anthem on a kazoo with hers onstage, climaxing with one in her craptrap. She's almost in tune, too. I can imagine Simon Cowell giving her a contract.

Nope, being an assmatic, I don't smoke anyway. At least I have my assma under control these days. A doctor put me onto this stuff called Seretide, and it works a charm!
(Also, I'd be afraid to have any kind of incandescent heat source nearby when I do a bag-change. That is a pretty nasty smell, and it wouldn't surprise me if it was flammable as Hell).

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I don't bite my nails, 'cause I don't like the taste of whats under 'em.

Probably the poopiest tobacco product is the Monte Cristo No.2 (pun unintentional). Merely a whiff of the box makes one wonder, "does someone here have IBS?" This is why I only smoke pipes... :@

The two sometimes go hand in hand

A previous poster said he doesn't like the mixing of smells while on the crapper. If you don't like the smell of cigarette smoke while your pooping, I strongly recommend using an electronic cigarette instead. It does not have a smoke smell at all like regular cigarettes.

Johnny Blaze

Ive never smoked while im pooping but i have done other things like making scooby doos, re reading my text messages or singing quietly :D

I will call the fire marshal if I catch a patient smoking in the restroom. Of course that is after he has been warned to not smoke in the restroom.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

When I smoked tobacco cigarettes, I never smoked on the toilet. Smoking left-handed cigarettes, however, used to help a lot with particularly vicious IBS attacks.

do I even dare ask what scooby doos are?
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

What is a left-handed cigarette as I have never heard of or seen one?
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

SP I am starting to think you have lived a very sheltered life, with all of the things you've never heard of before. "Left-handed cigarette" means "joint." A "joint" is marijuana rolled in cigarette paper, in case that too is unfamiliar to you.

By the way, any phrase or term can be copied and pasted from any website or other electronic medium into any search engine. Doing this on a regular basis will help expand your knowledge base. Try it, you'll see! ;)

Gotcha, IBSalot. Yes, I have lived a VERY sheltered life. For the first eighteen years I lived punished except for going to school. I wasn't allowed to go to the mall or anywhere with other kids my age. I know I really missed out on alot. You are not the first person to say so. I don't know that I didn't learn something until it comes up. I know it makes me sound dumb and sheltered, but I won't ever know if I don't ask. I'm not that literate on the computer so I don't have one. I'm afraid I will get a virus.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

SP, I hope what I said didn't come off as mean or demeaning--that certainly was not my intention. I just noticed that you tend to have more "what is" or "what does this mean" type questions than most PoopReporters (the ones who comment regularly, anyway).

It hurts my heart to hear of your unfortunate upbringing, but you should consider it a proud moment that you didn't know what a left-handed cigarette was. :)

I am trying to think of the old cig ads and the mottos....Winston Tastes Good Like A Cigarette Should. I'd Walk a Mile for a Camel or in this pooping context the Benson and Hedges motto...It not how you make it long....

IBSalot, I asked my clinic's social worker if he knew what a left-sided cigarette was and he said he didnt know either. Then when you told me, I told him, and he said that he did hear of a left handed cigarette. Monday night I went to my neice's 16th birthday party and my 5 year old neice asked about my father, Paw paw Buddha. I told her that he doesnt care about us or he would be here. My brother, her father, told me not to say that. But, it is true, I said twice. then my 5 year old neice asked where he lived. I went home feeling kind of guilty for saying that. But I think she should know the truth. Paw paw Buddha hasn't seen the 5 year old since she was an infant by his choice. He didnt meet the 16 year old neice until she was 9 years old, by his choice. He didnt call my 26 year old nephew after his mother, my sister died, not one time. So why should I protect him, or lie for him, to a five year old?
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Maybe you could have put it more delicately, but I agree that hiding the truth is usually a bad idea. It always seems to come out, no matter how hard we try to prevent it, and then the people who have been deceived all their lives tend to be upset--no matter how good the intentions were behind the lies.

Kids have a way of figuring things like that out on their own anyway, as they get older.

I think I said it because of the pinot nior I drank. One glass and wooooo!!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17