I used to work as a secretary for a church in a college town. I worked alone in the church office; most days, the pastor would only come in for a few hours. One day he wasn't scheduled to come in at all, which was good because my stomach was having some troublesome pains. It might have been the coffee, who knows; but I was about unleash something horrible, and I wasn't looking forward to it.

There is one restroom I use, just outside of the office, so I quickly ducked in. Then everything exploded, and it wouldn't stop. Luckily I had made it to the unholy throne, but I still managed to make a mess of myself and the (very) small bathroom. I cursed and stamped around while trying to clean everything, shouting stuff like, "Oh my God, what just happened?!" "Please, please, make this be the end!" "I can't believe it!" "This is just ridiculous..." You get the idea.

After about eight flushes and a lot of expletives, I walked out of the tiny bathroom to return to work, and screamed and jumped. There, standing before me, was a young man with a scared and horrified look on his face. He didn't say anything; he held out his clipboard and pen in front of him.

I couldn't believe it. The freakin' UPS man just had to walk in then to witness my "show". Who knows what he thought was going on in there?! Well, he probably DID know.

He had barely walked into the office; it was like he wasn't sure whether to get closer or bolt.

I signed for the package and he left. No words exchanged. At least, I figured, it wasn't the pastor.