I sat up and looked across at my precious one, laying there, sleeping. I was confused -- and then it hit me. Something was trying to burrow its way out of my anus.
I hit the panic switch. I tripped up getting off the bed. I ran through the kitchen to the toilet, knocking off a refrigerator magnet in the process. I just about made it to the bowel operating theater -- and it suddenly stopped.
Whatever was halfway to wriggling out of my anus had decided the sudden light in the room was too much. It was trying to crawl back in!
I was tempted to reach down and strangle it, but it looked dangerous. It even had teeth. I said to my sphincter, "It is up to you, buddy. There is nothing I can do now."
He fought tooth and nail. Wow, he sure put up a fight -- but that virgin hole won on points. Exhausted after what seemed like twelve rounds with Mike Tyson, my sphincter returned to normal, except battered and sore. He cried. It had been too much and he could hold it in no more.
I stood up to marvel the latest addition to this world: Lucifer. Damien's brother had come to extract some revenge on me, and I had been so close to doom.
Lucifer looked at me. I looked back. He snarled angrily as I wiped his intestines off of my anus and threw them at him. Despite the wet toilet paper covering him, he kept one eye on me. He refused to blink.
I wanted to cry. I could not believe my offspring would turn on me like this. He hated me. He wanted to kill me with his look. I could no longer stand to see him.
He gave one big snarl as I flushed. He grabbed the side of the bowl, leaving smeared intestines all over the side, but to no avail. He was gone.
Gone, but never forgotten.