this poll was created in response to our current BM Newswire story about the new three-ply TP by Northern.

i am actually using this TP right now! well, not at this very moment. but i have it at home. i saw it in the store, and i was like, "oooh...Quilted Northern Ultra Plush??" it was the same cost as regular, so i got it.

i didn't even realize it was three-ply until mr. pance apparently read the package and said something like, "whoa! do we really need three layers??"

it's pretty nice, though.
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i love poop.

I"ll stick with cats, thank you very much. Recyclable, and staying green. It drives Daphne nuts, I'm environmentally concious, and according to her, an animal abuser at the same time. I love being a walking paradox.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Can't get it in the UK.

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I said in the story that I would try it out. That will happen only if we have guests for whom Mrs. MSG thinks that would be suitable. At that point I will surely test it--and let you know.

I'll stick with Scott. I hate to spend a fortune on ass wipe.

It's something you should try just once, and I shall -- if I can get a 4 pack.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Three layers?!? Totally unnecessary! If you want better TP, use stronger paper not more layers of the same flimsy garbage that rolls off in little pieces and sticks to your butt-hairs. I will continue buying the large pack of two-ply from my local warehouse store: unlimited pooping for months with one pack of that stuff! It's just a marketing gimmick targeted at middle-aged consumers with too much disposable income (pun DEFINITELY intended), don't be fooled. I'll bet it's no improvement over what we've been using for years.
----Captain Craptastic!!!

I plan on buying some, seperating the layers and see if I get three times the use. I will calculate the ppw (price per wipe) and see if it will save me money.

I commend you Bilge on staying "green" Or should that be grey, or tabby?

I will not be buying the Northern 3-ply. First of all, I am sure that it will be expensive, and secondly, I find that the softer any TP is, the worse of a job it does, thus requiring more wipes to get the same job dome. Such is when I poop at my in-law's house. She must buy Charmin or something like it, because, I feel it is too soft to get the job done right. I like the one or two ply tp better, that is a little less soft.

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In search of the ever evasive BM

Sure, I'll try it out but I've gotta have a coupon for it and it has to be on sale so I save big on it. Let me get hooked on it, then stop giving out coupons and then jack up the price......

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

regarding the price issue, like i said before, when i found it, it was the same price as regular Quilted Northern Ultra. and that's what we usually get, because it's soft and strong, and not too expensive (it's pretty much in the middle, as far as i've seen). but i suppose if regular Quilted Northern Ultra is too expensive for you, this will be too. i'm just making the point that it's not more expensive than the regular variety of the same brand.

i would also disagree with the idea that three layers doesn't make it stronger, or that soft paper doesn't get the job done. in my experience, i have to use way more of the thin, weak TP than i do with good TP. not to mention the possibility of poke-through when using thin, weak TP. so, at least in my case, i'm really not saving any money by getting cheap, thin TP, because i have to use twice as much.

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i love poop.

I don't plan on splitting any atoms in the near future, but the concept is quite simple. It just boils down to how many atoms of paper are between your finger and the fudge. Single ply will work if it is thick enough, or folded/scrunched to provide the thickness. The multiple ply thing is just a psycological (our fear of poke through) ploy by the paper giants to get us to pay more. The only possible advantage I see for three ply is in a public stall where they can be seperated with one ply going under the wall to the next stall, one ply over the other wall to the other stall, and one ply being used in the center stall. This will not save paper, but rather dispensers, and force men to finally co-operate and communicate in the bathroom. It could save the world.

I'll stick with my usual brand of sand paper. I typically use 20 grit. It's thick (no chance of poke through), leaves my ass smooth (not only gets rid of all the poop, but also smooths out any imperfections of the rear), and reusable (rinse and repeat. Its tough stuff).

One 4in x 4in square can last me for months.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Nine inch, you might want to follow that up with a splash of after shave for that fresh feeling. (stuff a couple of socks in your mouth first if there are people sleeping nearby)

NIL, I have a question, thus; If you are repeatedly using 20 grit, is your behind not polished to an almost mirror-like surface? If not, you could always buff up with what we in the UK call, a bit of 'wet &dry'

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

BVC, not only is it a mirror finish, NASA is bouncing a laser off it to guide the shuttle.

Really? I had heard rumour of some involvement with the Hubble Telescope, but this is news!

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

Now that the subject of "poke through" has been raised, let's discuss this problem a bit further. I have found that this unfortunate phenomenon occurs only under one or more of the following conditions:

1. Very loose and watery poop/diarrhea that saturates the paper on contact

2. Trying to conserve TP for whatever reason; end of the roll and no more within reach, just plain cheap, etc.

3. Bad fold-over technique, uneven TP surface-to-anus contact

The problem with poke through is the possibility of insertion of a finger into the anus as well as messing up your wiping hand and an ugly poop smear along the butt crack. This could be painful or dangerous for women with long or artificial nails. The tender and highly vascular anal tissues might be lacerated and then you've got a bleeding anus! Horrible way to start the day: bloody ass!

To all the Poop Report readers: be thorough but be gentle! You only have one anus and it needs to last your entire lifetime. Merciless scrubbing and gouging will lead to scar tissue that breaks open again easily when compared to intact, normal skin!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

Thanks Captain for raising that point, ' poke through' does need more attention. A discussion is required, I feel.
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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

perhaps you should submit it as an eternal debate.
http://www.poopreport.com/Debate/index.html?from=30

or just take it to the forums for further discussion.
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i love poop.

Rocks and Rubarb Leaves work way better than Toilet Paper. Served me good for 17 years!

PD, I normally follow up with a splash of 100 proof vodka.
BVC, the routine does polish the rear quite well. NASA doesn't bounce lasers off it, but have you ever wondered where the extra lighting comes from in movies?

Craptastic, one of the many bennifits of my method is that I no longer suffer from poke through. However I have a problem with slide off. That is where the back of the sandpaper is rather slick, and sometimes when scrubbing a particularly fierce dingle berry my finger slides off the paper and across the rectum. I have yet to find a good solution. Glue and Poo may sound nice, but its pretty gross.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

NIL, try folding the sandpaper. That way you'll have grit on both sides for traction. You may also try a "Bilge" variation and wrap a cat in sandpaper grit side out. Then again why go through all that trouble. Just use an armadillo.

I don't like the sandpaper, especially since we have septic; just think of slowly filling that tank with sand! Not nice.

I think my main issue with the new 3-ply stuff would be dingleberries and little white hangers-on after the wipe. The extra-thick and extra-soft paper just sort of rolls up into little balls and sticks 'back there,' making it necessary to finish cleaning another way. Even the more economical butt-wipes can do that after a wet or splashy b.m., but I still find it much easier to clean up afterward.

I bought this stuff the other day and even as a 27 year old guy I will say that this is the second greatest invention next to sliced bread..it is amazingly soft.

have you noticed though that is is almost half an inch shorter than other rolls when stood side by side?

plr4, congratulations, you noticed another way a corporate giant has gotten you to pay more. Tp is unit priced in sheets. The size of the sheet is not calculated in the price and therefore you think that the price is not that bad. I would suggest boycotting this product as a way of telling these corporate thieves that we are not stupid. Go back to using the sliced bread.

For god sake, do NOT use a sliced cat...thats just dumb.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I use the drugstore brand 1000-sheet rolls. They are cheaper than name brand and just as good. The thing I like most about them is that they last longer than the quilted stuff. I am used to it since that is all I used while growing up.

Don't "waste" your hard-earned $ on the new Northern Ultra Plush, like I did. It's about as plush as their Ultra, and worse, *much worse*, is the fact that the newer ultra plush roll is 1/2 inch narrower as their ultra and regular rolls, and just as thick on the roll, so they didn't make up the difference by adding more paper on the roll. I suspected, then actually measured! Shame on Northern for ripping us off.

THIS PAPER IS AWFUL IT LEAVES PIECES OF THE PAPER WHEN U WIPE YOURSELF JUST FROM URINATING. NEVER BUY THIS AGAIN/ ALL LITTLE WHITE SPECS OF PAPER ON U.

I'm a cheapskate and it's too fucking expensive. Plus, I prefer one-ply sandpaper. The other stuff just smears shit everywhere but the paper.

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I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

TSV is right, one-ply paper from Sam's in the 24
pack box wipes an ass just fine.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I have to spend more on ass wipe than I would spend on a meal from Burger King, I would say no.

Look at it this way: would you rather spend more on food or more on paper to clean up the remnants of the food you ate?