nope. my curiosity has never gotten the best of me in this regard. and i've never had to dig anything out of my poop.

i'm willing to bet we'll have a lot of "yes" answers, but not very many comments explaining why.
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i love poop.

I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole.
I use the 12 footer.

When I was a child, I finished on the toilet, and looked down to find that within my turd appeared an undigested piece of corn breathing or pulsating. I coerced it out of the water with t.p. and a plunger. I investigated the piece of corn, and found that it must have been an illusion caused by the rippling toilet water. I returned it into the toilet and went about my business.

so, what you're saying is, you touched your own poop because you thought it had living, breathing corn in it?

good a reason as any, i suppose.
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i love poop.

If corn is living and breathing then Daphne's in trouble.

I voted the last one, the full hand grab, but it isn't really true; the answer true for me did not appear among the choices.

I have lived a long time, and in that time I have had to touch my own poop several times. I wasn't happy about it, but it happened. Once I managed to drop my wedding ring into the toilet as I was wiping. I'm still not sure how it happened, and I remember it only vaguely from 40+ years ago, but I did have to move my poop aside to retrieve it. I did so by lathering up my hand as well as I could before reaching in; it worked, especially with a very strong handwashing afterward. Other occasions with other objects come to mind; again, not frequent, not pleasant, but a task to deal with if necessary. Today's liquid antibacterial soap is a good thing to use if you don't have rubber gloves handy.

ok, MSG, i added two new options! i also changed your vote. hope you don't mind!

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i love poop.

I remember a truth or dare type game where someone was blindfolded and had to fish a ring out of a toilet. Unknown to the blindfoldee, the toilet had several peeled bananas in it.

I suppose I am one of those "yes" people with no explaination....

I was like 4 or 5, okay? That's my excuse.

Prarie, have you ever watched Tales from the Darkside? There's one where a woman goes on a diet by using glasses that shows her what food "really" looks like. All the vegetables were crying and begging her not to eat them.

It scarred me for days.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Oh, and yes. I did touch my poop once. It was the Octopus Bathtub Incident from when I was five, still yet to be written up for PR.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Crying veggies, and Octopus Bathtub Incidents. I gotta stick around here for a while.

Had to scoop a stool sample into a small jar for a test. I had a blast of the trots in the E/R while complaining about G-I problems.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

I voted never, as I've never reached into the bowl to touch it, but as I'm sure has happened to all of us, I have on occasion gotten shit on my fingers while wiping.

And yes, I did wash my hands afterwords.

Never have I reached into a toilet to touch my own poop, but there were several times after my stroke where I had to pick my poop off the floor and dispose of it. All being said and done I have probably had my hands on more poop than a proctologist.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Daphne, tales from the darkside? this thread is more like tales from the brownside, I think Darth Vader was involved somewhere along the line...... or am I getting confused?

I need a drink.
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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

Wonderpance, thanks for the new choices, and for moving my vote! Interesting poll. My bet is that many, if not most, who voted "never" are still young--under 45, let's say. If you live long enough, things happen, and necessities arise, that you never expected, including having to touch your own poop.

MSG, I recently posted a reply describing a garlic incident. The one bit I omited would turn a lump of coal white, and I'm 41 - I've still got the shoes in a plastic bag

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I submitted this poll idea to find out how many poop report readers would actually admit to touching their own poop, both intentionally and inadvertently. I put "own" because I know that numerous folks have to touch other people's and animal's poop: parents of infants, nurses, doctors, surgeons, veterinarians, zoo workers, dog breeders, so on ad infinitum.

When I was around kindergarten age (~4-5), I left a nice log in the upstairs bathroom and reached down to smoosh it up and see how it felt. I don't remember finding any corn, just that it was sickeningly warm and sticky. Probably took several hand washings to get it off, but then most kids that age aren't too concerned about fecal contamination and coliform bacteria.

After that one incidence of hands-on investigation, I was satisfied that I knew what poop felt like and never repeated the exercise. It is always advisable to admire one's poop from a respectful distance before sending it on its strange and wonderful journey to the treatment plant. A mild sense of pride of accomplishment is usually the emotion that is felt at that time. "Happy journeys, brown fellow! Godspeed!" A salute on flushing might be in order.

----Captain Craptastic!!!

I don't know about the salute; but I do know that, after many years of good and not-so-good poops, I do thank God every time I have a nice normal b.m. I certainly don't take that gift for granted.

C'mon. How many of you have had a TP malfunction? I would think that just about everybody has. I know that I have.

And what about when you were babies? Babies are famous for reaching down into their diapers to explore that warm, stinky stuff in their diapers.

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My special needs kid crapped in your honor roll student's backpack.

DP, I think the poll is not aimed at the accidental contact with ones feces, but rather a blatant thrust of ones hand into the toilet and forcefully grabbing a turd against its will. Although I could be wrong.

CC just defined the terms of the pole. It covers both intentional and accidental poop touches. So DP has a valid point.

Let's stratify a bit here.
Have you purposefully touched your own poop? If so, why, when, etc.

Have you inadvertantly touched your own poop? If so how, why, when, etc.

Me, both.

Intentional, the story is above.

Accidental: I have had a few breakthroughs in my day and a few messy explosions that ended up costing my thighs so when I went to wipe I would get shit all over my hands.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

You are right nine inch, but I just wanted to point out the obvious that there is a big difference between "accidental", and "on purpose" in the fine art of poop touching.

A few years ago while eating, I swallowed a crown from one of my back molars. When the dentist said it would cost 1200 bucks to replace it, I searched through 2 loads before I finally found it. I cleaned it completely before the dentist reinstalled it......My wife says my breath has never been the same..

I did a full hand grab. I'm a scat fanatic, man. When I want scat play, I don't have anybody else to shit FOR me. (I wish I did)

____________________
I seen this site before I realized I had a scat fetish. I was 11, haha! Long time ago!

Well, thank you for not attempting to post scat fetish posts here all this time and respecting Dave's views on it.

EDIT - I was not being sarcastic.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I've only done it from wiping.
But when I was four or five, I was kept by a lady who also had a grandaughter my age. We had been playing in an old tire in the backyard and were covered in black schmutz, so she plunked us in the tub.
The grandaughter started making this face, and the next thing I know, there's a turd in the tub. So I start yelling, MRS ANDERSEN!!! TAMMY MADE A STINKY IN THE TUUUUB!!! She walked in, reached down and fished it out like it was nothing, and dropped it in the toilet. I'll never forget it.

Yep, pooped into a paper towel held in my hand - technically not touching the stuff directly, but close enough. It was a sample for the doctor that had to be "clean" so I couldn't just fish it out of the bowl. There is something very, very odd about pooping into your own hand.

I have only touched my own poo when I have to keep wiping and the poo is sticky. Then it ends up on the blade of my fist. My really fat friend has this trouble times one thousand. She needs a bidet as long as she allows her cavernous cheeks to open and receive the lovely warm water.

S&S, thanks for the visual.

Me and my friend Lauren were at the Jonas Brothers concert. We're both 13 and she's kind of pushy, if you know what I mean. The bathroom sucked, there were nowhere near the number of stalls needed and the lines were long. Once I pushed the door open to go in Lauren pushes her way in in front of me and immediately pulls down her shorts and pees for like 2 or 3 minutes really hard. I'm like ready to crap my pants. She then gets off the stool, moves to the side and wipes like once. I sat down immediately, farted like once and then let out a like foot and a half long log. Since I couldn't slide to the front of the seat because she was still in front of me, I grabbed a couple of sheets of toilet paper to begin wiping. She opens the door on me all the way to exit and just as I put my hand down and start to wipe. Immediately, I felt something warm and mushy on the top of my right hand. I jerked my hand back up and there was like a half-inch piece stuck to my hand. Because my crap was so soft I stayed on the seat and it took me almost 5 minutes to completely wipe my hand and butt. Even though I washed my hands well, the smell stayed on the top of my hand until I got home and showered.

I am laughin so hard right now!
I think its from the poo stories...

http://cgi.ebay.com/A-SIGN-OF-THE-TIMES-A-SINGLE-SHEET-OF-TOILET-PAPER-NR_W0QQitemZ270280727059QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item270280727059&_trkparms=72%3A1205|39%3A1|66%3A2|65%3A12|240%3A1308&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14

I bet that guy could save us all from the accidents.

I've done the requisite 'young child does a curious george' and poked at it to see what it really felt like. They always look solid, so I was surprised to see how comfortably soft they are. Guess I'm glad they're soft, otherwise it would kinda suck. x_x

Jesus 'effin H Christ. I've gone 55 years without ever purposely touching my own poop. Now I may have to thanks to this post. Thanks Captain.

ok so yes I had to touch my own poop, but for good reason! We were at a new house we were going to start renting and I took a shit without realiziing that the water was off. I had to fish this huge turd out of the toilet and dispose of it in the alley behind the house. I was very embarassed about my shitting back in those days and I don't think my father in law at the time would have found it to funny, not to mention my ass of an ex. Since the water was off I had to use like 20 baby wipes and ahalf a container of hand sanitizer to clean my hands till I was able to get to a working sink.

maybe if i was drunk enough i could see that happening......what about dog poo?

I have touched more than my fair share of dog poo the past few months. My girlfriend and her cocker spaniel recently moved in with me. We live in the city. That means we have to pick up after our pup. Normally its not so bad but several times I end up using the bag with the perfectly placed hole in it.
Daphne, maybe you can explain this to me. Our (her)dog is on a strict diet. She eats the same quantity of the same food every day. she poops very regularly (2x/day) but the poop itself varies quite a bit. Normally her poops are firm, easy to grasp, and don't stink too much. Lately it has been squishy and stinks something fierce. Is this normal for a dog? Or is something wrong with her?

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

i've been told by my mother that in my toddlerhood i played in the potty a lot.......

daphne, that episode scarred me for years! i even saw it on tv recently (on the sci-fi channel, i believe) and i couldn't even watch it for more than a couple seconds. that shit freaked me out!
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i love poop.

Have tapped it hesitantly with a finger, stroked it to take in the texture, and picked up/rotated using toilet paper to observe all sides. I am on Lithium and it is necessary for me to keep an eye on my poop to make sure my levels are OK. The bare-handed prodding was just out of curiosity.

And yes, I enjoyed it.

Other. Once I clogged the bowl after a nice deposit. Flush did not go down, toilet clogged, water level rose, no plunger in sight, went hand first to unblock clog. Water went down and I scrubbed hands vigorously with soap and hot water.

Sorry to tell you Chuck, but scrubbing your hands vigorously with soap and hot water just made those speedy little shit germs climb up your arms. They're probably all over your head by now.

I don't have the need to inspect my own poop. I am a Nurse Aide working with Geriatric people, I have two kids and a rabbit, so my life revolves around poop. 'Nuff said.
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MMMMM, if your ass was a Chinese restaurant, I'd have the Poo-Poo Platter.

I've never dandled a doodie,
And never gripped a grogan,
Or held tightly to a fresh hot piece of shit.
My fingers don't touch fecie
And my mitts don't mess with merde.
I won't even handle a plain old stinky turd.
You may say that I'm a germophobe
Or accuse me of being a fussy hen
But I'm just tellin' you brother
I know where that thing's been.

That right there is damn good.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Pance, I have been juicing alot of lemons recently, and every time I do, I feel like I should be wearing one of those black executioner's hoods.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Daphne and Pance:

http://www.funlol.com/5533/Lemon_suicide.html

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

When I was a little girl (around 3) my little toddler sister pooped in the floor of our rest room. It was like round clay balls. I remember picking it up and seeing teeth imprints in one piece! I'm unsure whether she did the deed, or myself---it's been many many years ago and I was so young.

after spending 3 days in the hospital for a c-section, they made me eat while i was there...i told them i didnt want to eat cause i couldnt push yet but they made me....needless to say, when i finally got home, 2 days later i finally got the urge to shit. well...it was not coming out!!! The poop had been compacted in my anus to the size of a softball!!! I had to manually remove the poop..one nugget at a time!!! What an experience!!!

... My first memory of touching poop involves my baby brother and me sharing a crib. I was about two. We scooped it out of our diapers and smeared it all over ourselves, each other, and the rungs of the crib. Mom wasn't too psyched.
On occasion, if my (or my daughter's) poop is too big, I cover my hand with t.p. and squeeze the poop in two so that it'll go down easier. A messy and strange alternative to plunging, I admit.

Since i had anal sex, my anus has been leaking heavily. What are the remedies out there??

Get a lot of reading material and spend the rest of your life on the toilet.

My ex says that a wine cork works well.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Dear Unhappy,

First, cut out the anal sex; high-risk.

Next, have a doctor look at your anus; perhaps it's damaged in some way that can be fixed. If so, have it fixed. If it can't be fixed, you have a problem.

Third, eat things that let your poop be solid, so leakage will lessen. Lay off junk foods or anything that might give you very soft or wet stools.

Fourth, wear Depends or the like if none of this works.

Ill poke it with a stick, but I'd never touch it. Thats just NASTY.

To Unhappy Pooper:
I have heard that they are coming out with a nicely designed, solidly engineered, festive and colorful Christmas Butt-Plug in five different sizes, both with and without the flashing lights! For all you bilingual folks out there: Feliz Navidad en tu Culo!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

CC, I'm not 'Bi' anything, what the heck does that foreign gibberish mean??

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I think it means "Merry Christmas in your butt".
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Unhappy, have you been to the doctor yet? You could be so swollen in your rectum that your anus can't stay closed. Apply an ice pack in the Depends. Keep the area clean as possible. Anal sex is so unhealthy. It's not natural. The mucous membrane would be made like a vagina if it was supposed to be used as a vagina. The anus is designed as a port of exit. One way only. The vagina is designed to be an entrance and an exit. Do yourself a favor and go to the fecal free outlet. You won't be the Unhappy Pooper anymore!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Yes, I have done so, but not with my bare hands. The jackass was stuck in my ass and I had to manually pull it out. Stupid back problems!

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I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

I've touched it once, in the shower, i washing cleaning my asshole and a nice hunk of poop came out. i hesitantly plucked it off the washcloth and put it in the toilet

I do like the phrase '...and a nice hunk of poop....'

It just kinda makes you feel all warm inside, just like my latest christmas jumper only different.

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

Never touched my own...have had a few baby wipe mishaps when I'm cleaning up my 2 year old tho. Not pleasant...

Its def time to potty train.

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"someone SHIT on the coats!" -dane cook

i have had alot of contact with poop in my younger years. once when i was about 5 or 6 i picked up dog poop with a leaf and chased my cousin with it because i was mad at her. another time me and my twin cousins painted some dog poo with fingernail polis at around the same age and another time me and a different cousin were hiding from some annoying kids and i had to poop really bad so i pooped behind the trees we were hiding in later we heard the kids coming and they were just about to find us so i stuck my enormus turd on a stick and we chased away the annoying kids with it!!! :D

Wow! Poop on a stick. I wish I would have thought of that when I was younger. I wonder, would it really deter bullies or would you be made fun of even more?

I guess it could be considered a weapon of ass distruction. If you show that you are unafraid of the preemptive strike you may actually have something there.

Just be careful. The next war might be the war on Turd Terrorism.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

I voted for the third option, but only because the full-on squash with the hand wouldn't quite be true to the situation. I once had to squash my gutpaste and go through it in order to retrieve the 'butterfly' section of a gold ear-stud that I accidentally swallowed, but it wasn't something I did with any sense of pleasure.

I have however deliberately picked up my log, although I didn't squash it in my hands to relish the warmth and texture or anything. My excuse is that I was young, foolish and rather drunk. Some of the Brits here may recall a terrible boy band called Bros about 20 years ago. Well, being a diehard metalhead, I found Bros to be offensive in the extreme, particularly as one evening they were due to be playing a gig at at my regular hangout, The Marquee, in London. Not as part of a tour or anything, just a guerilla gig for a few hundred screaming teenaghers with tickets on a first come first served basis.

As I said, I found the fact that these pretty boys were going to miming on my hallowed stage, very very upsetting, and the night I found out about it, I was at the Friday Night Rock Club at The Astoria. I was rather inebriated and talking (well, slurring) about it to a guy there, and one of us suggested (it might have been me) that if we queued up outside the Marquee for long enough on the day of the gig, we could get in, take a shit and throw it at Matt & Luke when they were onstage. Of course, if we did, it was likely that security would have kicked our heads in, but at the time the idea seemed hilarious.

As luck would have it, I needed to lay a cable at the time, so I decided to practice picking up my shit to establish how easy it would be to hurl and harden myself to doing it on the day (drink is a terrible thing). In the toilet, I crimped off a decent length of dirty spine and taking a deep breath, plunged my hand into the water to retrieve it.

Touching it was a initially a bit 'urgh' but I resisted the gag reflex and got my fingers underneath. I lifted it out of the water, surprised at how light it was, and tried weighing it in my hand to establish how hard I'd have to throw it, and thereby how close to the stage I should be when I made my dirty protest. It was in these few seconds that the fragility of the turd became apparant and it broke in two, one part of it hitting the toilet seat with a splat, and enabling me to see my shitty fingers and palm in the process. At that moment, I had a moment of clarity and it occurred to me exactly what it was that I was doing and planning to do. I started to sober up pretty quickly, cleaned up the seat dropped the remaining half-turd in the bowl and washed my hand in the flush, subsequently spending a good 10 minutes at the basin afterwards scrubbing my hands with soap, wondering what the hell I was thinking.

Needless to say, I didn't queue up to see Bros a few days later and therefore did not conduct any turd terrorism, but I have sometimes wondered whether I would have gone through with it, given sufficient encouragement. It would certainly have made the papers.

I've also had to touch my turd in order to remove it from my underwear, but everyone's done that, surely?

What else... (ponders) ah yes, I've had to plunge my hand into a shitty festival toilet to get my keys. That wasn't nice, but I've related that tale on another post.

I did touch my own poop once. I just...had to. It looked like a sea cucumber (one of my favorite creatures), and I really wanted to know what it felt like. I have to say, I found the texture enjoyable. I have not done it since though, mostly because of how much hand washing it took to get the smell off of my finger. The fact that I touched feces didn't really bother me, I think because it was my own. I don't think I could ever touch someone else's, though.

I have had the pleasure of having my own poop smeared across my hand. I was at summer school, and had diarrhea, and it was really badly timed too. Recess was almost over, and teachers there were quite strict about coming back on time.

So of course, I was in a rush to hurry up and finish. As I wiped myself, I realized something was quite wrong. Something felt disgustingly sticky, warm and wet, and I was horrified to see that I had inadvertently wiped my own ass with my hand.

In my haste, I somehow forgot to grab TP. Only God knows why that happened, perhaps as a cruel joke..

Anyway, I remember the shit felt and smelled sickening, and I could even feel some of it crammed into my nails. I wiped my butt and fixed my school uniform with my only other hand left and came out of the stall.

I also remember the expressions on the other girls' faces as I came out with a shit-stained hand. I remember washing it just over a million times and getting nasty looks and comments from the others. :(