Published on PoopReport.com (http://www.poopreport.com)

Crook surfs the brown wave

By daphne
Created Oct 6 2008 - 7:48am
Florida's Lorenzo Knight got greedy last month.

Knight's day may have started innocently enough. Wake up. Shit, shower, shave. Eat some Fruity-Ohs while watching MTV. At some time during his mid-morning, though, the ritualistic comforts of commercially-processed cereal and Beyonce must have lost their appeal. "Go out and see what the world has to offer," the little voice in his head must have whispered. "And take a screwdriver."

Obliging that little voice, Knight headed for the International Mall. It was in one of its parking lots that he decided to put the screwdriver to good use. He broke into a parked vehicle and took a digital camera. While in the process of breaking into a second vehicle, however, he was spotted by James Conroy, the owner of a South Carolina towing company. Conroy and an unnamed person gave chase, ending up in a construction site near the mall.

It was then that they heard the slam of a porta-potty door.

Hoping that they would catch Knight with his pants down, Conroy and his partner acted out -- for the sake of justice -- many a teenager's vandalistic fantasy: they starting tipping the toilets one by one [1] in an attempt to surprise the thief. Their plan paid off when Knight emerged from one of the toilets coated in shit.

"He was covered in crap, I can tell you that much," Conroy stated. "It was hilarious."

Knight ran again, this time trying to get into a cab to escape; but the cabbie must not have been too keen on his passenger's state of filth, because Knight ended up being arrested. He was hosed off, given a new set of clothes, and carted off to jail, where he was charged with two counts of burglary and one of grand theft.

There was no mention as to who would be held responsible for cleaning up the toilet mess.


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