This poll is inspired by this Ask PoopReport question.

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i love poop.

I think your butthole would actually get larger as you age. I have read that in your lifetime your digestive system may process as much as fifty tons of food. I do not know how much of that ultimately becomes shit but I am of the opinion that the amount is considerable.

If you saved all of the BMs excreted during your allotted four score and ten years and assembled them into one mass you would have a turd of monumental proportion, you would probably also have a stench of monumental proportion. You would also probably live alone having been deserted years ago by loved ones leaving in disgust because of your collection. Try saving stamps or something in you next reincarnation...I'm derailing myself here so I will get back to the subject.

The huge mass of turdic material did not leave your body all at once......thank God, but it's sheer volume would lead one to believe that there is a distinct possibility that over the years, such a volume would, or at least could, cause significant stretchage.

As I have aged I have noticed that my farts no longer have the clarion sound of a trumpet blasting out a high C. Alas, they now sound like the rumblings of a tuba as my flabby butt lips flutter in the breeze. I think my asshole is irreversibly stretched.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I have multiple butthole tattoos on my ass so I will have a fighting chance if I ever land in prison. Even they're stretched now.

Prisoners are attracted to tattoos,
you would be traded like a pack of cigarettes.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

this is a dumb poll.

I think mine has pretty much stayed the same. Still seems to be elastic enough to handle the occasional giant turd.

Only thing I don't get is how do you observe your anus?

I agree phats, I think this poll is kinda lame. But I'm not feeling all that creative myself, right now so I suppose I shouldn't complain (not that loudly anyway).

As for my anus changing with age. Um yeah, it's changed a lot. Having 2 kids and developing lactose intolerance or IBS or whatever the fuck is wrong with my guts has totally taken its toll on my ringpiece.

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

I answered the first answer above, but of course not exactly. I have not observed my anus as such so much as the results therefrom. Used to be, I had big thick poops that slid out fairly easily. Now I have thinner ones that are harder to get out. My conclusion: In the past 40 years, since my poops are no longer as thick, my hole no longer has to expand as much as it used to, so it has lost the capacity to do so. Just a thought--hency my question.

Sorry to hear about the sad state of your slackening ringpiece, Chief. I know that my bung is not remotely close to the vast age of your venerable orifice, but mine seems to have matured gracefully - still taught and tuneful, like a prize Stradivarius.

Chief, after reading your graphic description I'm thinking your farts must sound a bit like a trumpet blasting from between two london broils. Am I close?

Why do they still sell single ply toilet paper? I hate it.

Chief, your description of your farts was hilarious. This could be the basis for a new poll.

I have not noticed any major changes in my anal orifice over thirty-eight-plus years. Never had hemorrhoids, lower GI bleed, anal or rectal trauma or anything like that. Large-caliber turds are still a joy to pass! Maybe it's because I do a lot of hiking and my muscle tone is good.

I feel sorry for obese people who can't reach their ass to wipe, that would be a feeling of complete helplessness!

Ever have a fart that sounds like a question? (Rising tone). Some farts sound like an exclamation!!! Hear me roar!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

PD.........Wishing no disrespect to one of the finest jazz musicians who ever played the trumpet, my ass looked like Dizzy Gillespie when I farted. There is no racial slur intended in this description. You young folks that don't know who Dizzy was can do a Google image search.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Thanks Wonderpance.......You have added to the cultural knowledge of all PR's younger readers. Dizzy is a jazz icon and I love his music.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

no problem, Chief. i think it's important for everyone to be familiar with those cheeks!
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i love poop.

Bilge, are you missing any cats?

My anal pinch has changed. Butt my colon sure has. My colon is all stretched out way too long like a stretched a piece of roman candy taffey.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Correction: my anal pinch has not changed. You use a big hand mirror to see it good.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Chief, wasn't that picture of Dizzy taken walking into the Nashville Airport bathroom as you were walking out?

I know mine has. When I was younger, I would take truly giant poops-- and once I held it so long (because I was afraid of the 'toilet demon', long story) that my poop actually DOUBLED UP INSIDE ME.

Because of this, I swear that my anus has scar tissue.

After a brief spell in the local jail, (hence my recent absence from PR) I can confirm that my anus has changed.... even without actually checking it. I think its now wearing lipstick, a knotted teeshirt and headgear reminiscent of Carmen Miranda.

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

But can it sing fast songs in Spanish and Portuguese?

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

So BVC, who ass-aulted you more, the bobbies or the billybobs?

I think I rip a LOT more "dirty farts" than I did when I was younger. Also sometimes in the morning I will have to take a dump that feels like a million wiper but I figure shit I am getting into the shower so I will wait. WRONG ass-umption. Suddenly I feel that sticky shit begin its downward slide. If I am lucky it will either do two things land on the kitchen throw rug which immediately goes into the wash OR I manage to catch it with my foot. Gross BUT the floor remains unscathed. I squidge myself a LOT more too.
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AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

PD, it was more the billies than the chillies.....

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

' I I I I I Love you very much... ' shuddup you arse!_______<

Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

Such Asses! I often do the question mark farts when I drink OJ, sometimes they even whistle, the scent of decomposing food assails my nostrils on way too frequent a basis. My bung hole is just as tight and right as it always was, ginornus turds still have some difficulty passing thru my hershey highway, but I've got the snapback, so my stretched out bung is quickly righted after such brutal assaults...

I wouldn't have come to this site hadn't concerns about my changing fart sounds been real and scary. I have noticed over the past year and I'm now 38, that my farts sound totally different and not in a proud way. They just don't have the deep rumble and power they used to. Only wash cloths and toilet paper have ever come close to my exit hole so tissue trauma I have never concidered. I am thinking more on the lines of a restriction of the collen or anas. Either way pretty f----- up!

How would it change? I mean, yeah, it grew hair during puberty, but I shave it off...so it's essentially the same.

I saw my anus once, and that was when I was six years old, so I can't really answer this one honestly....

Great! Now I have to go look!

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I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

I am now climbing towards 50 years old and I've noticed that when I have to fart, I have to let it go or it hurts. The doctor says this is normal and it's not good to hold back.

The sound of the farts are by far more noisy and it's harder to be discreet when letting one rip. The sound diminishes when I interject one into a chair cushion thus holding the smell at bay until I get up.

I have learned to accept this and can usually blast one out in a very crowded place, thus guaranteeing plenty of elbow room. This comes in handy if you're a bit claustrophobic in crowds as I am.

My ringpiece has definitely changed. A surgeon cut it out to save me from dying of cancer.
Which is a bit of a shame, 'cause I used to enjoy pumping out the occasional comedy fart.
One of my farts was the 'motorcycle', where the fart is modulated to the wrist action of twisting the throttle. Made my kids laugh.
Another one (which was a one-off) sounded like an air-start on a diesel truck. It was a kind of higher-pitched beginning, rising in pitch, then followed by a low rumbler. Made my brother-in-law laugh uncontrollably.
*sigh* I'm glad I'm not dead, but I do miss the comedy farts...

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I don't bite my nails, 'cause I don't like the taste of whats under 'em.

BM, funny you should mention air starts. I haven't seen one of them in years. I loved them. When I used to come to an intersection in NYC that had a lot of pedestrians crossing in front of me, I would shut the truck down and wait for that certain group (usually short skirted ladies) to pass in front of me and well you get the picture. By the way, did the doctor give you the ring piece? Any way I'm also glad you're not dead my friend.

Thank you for the kind words and thoughts, pd.
No, the surgeon didn't give me my leftover bits. I wonder what they do with 'em? I know that the really extraordinary bits get put in jars and go on display in museums, 'cause I took my kids to see an exhibit of just such things a while back.
I remember seeing a grossly enlarged liver from a chronic alco. It was the size of a bedroom pillow and all yellowy and nasty.
Scared me off the booze for days!

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I don't bite my nails, 'cause I don't like the taste of whats under 'em.