I'm usually grooming my wiping cat, getting the tangles and snarls out of the fur, and sanitizing it in preparation for application. On the odd occasion that the little fucker is hiding...I concentrate on tantric bowel evacuation.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I have the complete edition of 1991 Playboy magazines in my bathroom. This was about the last year before twat shaving became so popular. I look at all the well haired snatches and remember the joy I used to derive from such hirsute crotches.

Bring back the furburger!!

Jeez Chief, those magazines must be a solid block of plaster by now. You could probably tile the floor with them.

I look at whatever magazines came in the mail that day. Not the nudie kind like CTB which leads me to ask: why do you like furburgers better than a bald snatch? Just curious.

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I slipped on the crap. There was two of 'em. They work in pairs.

Because I've had various and sundry issues (!) with my bowels through the years, I'm always directly concerned with the nature and extent of my output; since I can't view it at the time, I have to go by how it feels as it emerges, so I try to guess what it will look like. Within certain parameters, any guess is reasonable: it will be brown and generally cylindrical in shape. Beyond that, though, it requires inspection afterwards.

I usually sneak a smoke and try to think of a song with which I can change the lyrics to make it about crapping, or something similarly dirty.

Comrade poopov... Why do I prefer the furburger over the ever more popular camel toe? Perhaps the answer is, mystery! With the shaved puss,what you see is what you get. With the unshaved labia there is a certain aura of
mystery. What do those pussy lips look like? Let us part this foliage and take a peek.

If you are dining at the Y should you worry about a stray hair or two getting stuck in your esophagus? If this bothers you perhaps you should be sucking a dick instead.

Having sex with little girls is a definite no-no. Big girls have hair, little girls don't. I was raised on hairy pussies and will love them until my demise.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!

Chief, if all the fur disappeared in 1991, then where the hell did it all go to? To a landfill? A pillow manufacturer? I figure you should know.

i pesonally myself like either furburgers or camel toes, their both the same to me

I prefer freshly shaved, but hey aren't we supposed to be talking about what we do when we poop? My daughter sing while she's on the can, its cute. I usually browse the web on my phone.

Who's the noodge that derailed this into a discussion on moose knuckle and earth momma mops.

While crapping I imagine what it must look like coming out the other end. My bowels have changed so much in the last year that it had a huge impact on the output. If I could record it on camera I'd probably be grossed out, but if I imagine my punched out grommet opening like a rose bud as the brown pollen emerges then I guess it ain't so bad...

BTW- not all chicks wax their floors these days. I think most of my friends keep some kind of landing strip, neatly groomed. Besides... it's a lotta work to keep that bald peach thing going, and when it starts to grow out it gets really itchy. Just in case anyone was curious.....

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

I find that stubble comes in handy when my nose itches.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

When taking a dump, I think/hope it's NOT a million wiper! I have to flush at least three or four times to make sure all the paper I use goes down! It also leaves my ass raw!!

Since the fecal blow outs hit me at 2-6am, I think about how I just want to sleep. I wonder how many times l'm going to get up this time. It seems that as soon as I am falling asleep, the sudden urge to jump up and run (trip, slide, crawl) to the toilet before it skeets out. This repeats itself every few minutes for about 1-1 1/2 hours in the middle of the night. Last night I woke up to liquifrap in my boy draws and a stinky wet mark on my sheet. If I get an off-time urge while awake I take Poopreport in with me. When it comes to my mons and friends, I prefer them trimmed neatly with a small scissors. Instead of shaving, I keep the bikini line trimmed with an epilater. My honey man prefers the bush butt I find it annoying, itchy, and smelly cat uncomfortable.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ok about that flushing thing dr t mentiond, i could never get a toilet to clog. the closest ive gotten was adout three additional inches of water in the bowl b4 it went bac down

I don't know how this became a discussion on shaving, but...here's my opinion: there's nothing wrong with trimming the hedges, but I want some hair there to remind me that I'm not a pedophile.

I hate shaving down there. It gives me horrible pus-filled rashes, as does shaving and depilatories, and laser hair removal has not worked. I really don't think that my nasty rashes are sexier than a giant bush.

I too mourn the passing of the Great American Bush (the southern triangle not the president). Generational thing, I suppose but damn those Brazilians anyway for getting this whole hairless snatch thing started.

At home, I usually read something. Anywhere else, I think about how quickly and cleanly I can get the job done.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

The same thing as always - how I`m going to achieve world domination.

Diarrheenies- I have the same problem. Try Bikini Zone lotion, it calms down all the irritation from shaving. Thanks for the input, CTB (and everyone else). I hardly ever hear anyone praising the bush.

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I slipped on the crap. There was two of 'em. They work in pairs.

I read a few pages of whatever book I've got laying there at home, elsewhere I think of my song parodies or whatever I was doing before I went in there but mostly how I can molest my coworkers when I come out.

I voted "Other". With all my client and family demands, I escape to bathroom for quiet and blank mind opportunities. When bathroom door is left partially open I can stare through bedroom window into back yard, and ponder absolutely nothing.

After poop I do check for size, smell and a thorough wipe. Following an early weekend stomach bug, my last three days have been filled with hearty, long turds.

After looking at the choices, I narrowed it down to the fist and last. I don't care if anybody hears me, I don't smoke, dinnertime is still hours away, and my shit doesn't stink that bad(at least not to me).

I would say thinking about my day ahead, since taking a shit is one of the last things I do in the morning before I leave for work.

What you have wrote here will inspire not just me but everybody else how will read it.
Very nice post.

A. Gotin

I always think about Barack Obama when I'm carving a big brown worthless piece of dookie.

I always think about how my poop experience will be right before I poop. When I start, I just focus on how it feels leaving my hole, and then think about the urge to pee that will soon follows. Sometimes if it's a real large turd, I think about how long it might take for my butthole to shrink to the point where I can start wiping. (Also, in regard to some of the above comments, I have no idea who started the movement for women to shave their pussies, but I think it's completely stupid and unnatural. Nothing turns me off more than a shaved shatch. The harrier they are the better!!!!!)

PD.......Where has all the hair gone? Where do you think all those afro clown wigs come from?

Turdfan.......Only we older guys
appreciate the vanishing American muff.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I just concentrate on pooping and get the job done.

I wish the older guy I date didn't mind furry muffs. He hates them.

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I slipped on the crap. There was two of 'em. They work in pairs.

So Chief, you're saying Bozo, my favorite childhood clown, had hair that...that...maybe came from Lucille Ball's bush.

Never mind that, PD...I wanna meet the freaky chic that spawned the rainbow wig!
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I personally have only ever had one hairy snatch and it was the grossest thing I've ever seen. Not knocking anyone that likes it, just not my thing

Few things in life are as beautiful as a grown wild, never trimmed, hippie chick, mother nature's dental floss bush!
Alas, whip out the razors. No bush after January 20th.

So I am either on the computer thanks to the technology these days or i am texting someone. i also love to think about what its going to look like after im done. if it's amazing ill send a pic to my friend for varification. as for snatches you never know what a furry one could hold...not my cup of tea. ill take the fresh to stuble or any fancy designs.

It's clear from the above that when guys are pooping, they're thinking about what they always think about -- snatch.

true dat, logjam. how did this poll turn into a discussion about hairy vs. bare vaginae?

for the record, i haven't paid much attention, but when i'm pooping i think about whatever it is i'm thinking about at the time. it doesn't change just because my ass is on the toilet. although, maybe if it's a mean poop that's hurting me, i might think about that.

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i love poop.

As my first post, I would like to go on record as likeing my wifes vjj virtually hairless. As far as what I am thinking about while pooping, it is ususally why the F, I have not purchased a new Maximum in the last 6 months because I am tired of reading the same shit every day. Additionally, I have a tendency to eat whole grain cerial at night and mixed with my morning coffee, it makes for some serious fireworks in the morning.

I think about dying. I think what if I split my asshole open and bleed to death? Who will find me? Will my poor wife have to explain to the cops that she found me bleeding to death with my asshole ripped apart at the seams? Makes it PRETTY tough to go, eh?

Ok. Has Anyone out there ever had an anal fissure? I have one - it is by far the most painful thing I have experienced. I can't poop. I mean I can, the movement is there, I am not constipated. However, I get such high anxiety when I'm sitting on the toilet that I just give up and refuse to poop. I have tried all stool softeners, fiber, water I even administered my own Enema, and that was FIRE city! Does anyone have any suggestions?
My doc told me to take senna and ducolax and gave me this numbing cream that doesn't work for shit. I am dying to poop. please help. I'm starting to feel nauseous from being so backed up and full of water.

My doctor suggested a Swingline stapler to close the fissures I had, worked like a charm, and has added a new dimension to my body piercings.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I always bring my phone to play dopey games. This has the added benefit of being able to take happy-snaps to send to a loved one. I've only lost 2 phones doing this.

First of all special congratulations to Chief on number 900! Any number of things go thru my head whilst dumping. Sometimes I examine my life. Sometimes I anticipate how good that dump is going to feel. Sometimes I record my dump on my cell phone and send it to others to break balls. It depends on my mood.
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AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

I just think about how my poop will turn out, and think about when the next time is that I will once again be sitting on the toilet, and where will I be when this happens, (besides being in a bathroom on the toilet), where the bathroom will be is more accurate.

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In search of the ever evasive BM

I usually think about whatever girl I'm talking to or with. Or I think about when I'm gonna burn

I try to concentrate on the task at hand. Usually when I crap, it's a quick trip anyways: drop trou, take care of business, clean up, re-trou, flush and run. There is no flossing or conversations or flights of fancy or fantasy on the crapper for me.

Which brings me to the next point. I try to avoid thinking about cooter while I'm on the crapper taking a crap. I find that if I start thinking about it, I get a hard-on. When I have a stiffie, the muscles of my sphincter reconfigure and optimize themselves for a sexual experience, not a defecatory one.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Deja Poo: i know exatly what you mean. lol

Of course about anal ;D

Here's a few of my random thoughts:

Damn, I wonder how long this turd is?

Wonder if anybody heard that fart?

I wonder if its true that Elvis died while taking a shit?

I wonder what my boss will do today to piss me off?

I guess I spend more time pondering things than actually thinking.

_I don't think about much of anything. One thing I don't ever do is read porn on the crapper. I found out the hard way, no pun intended, that if I get "The Crippler" riled up, I'm stuck on the pot until the tumescence subsides.Also, having my huge, bulbous, throbbing peepee poking down into shit water is kind of gross.______
Here I sit, my cheeks a flexin', about to give birth to another Texan.

When I take a shit I am usually thinking about what the day will be like and what my dookie will look like.

I am ALWAYS reading when pooping. Nothing too deep though, just light stuff, or favortie chapters in things I've read.
I love reading the Sunday funnies on the pot.

And since the confab did get to shaved or not, I think shaved is borderline pedophilia. Myabe I'm the freak, but women have hair. Maybe a nice trim, but I don't expect my hubz to shave. I think that's just plain wierd. Hairless balls? Ick.

pnnutycorn......I have decided to
take a step up from my usual Playboy mags, from now on I shall be reading the philosophy of Plutarch and Thucidides while on my throne, I shall try to hold the pose of Rodin's the thinker while doing my thing.....or should that be the stinker?

Male privates that have undergone shaving would look like a turkey neck with two boiled eggs.
I much prefer my present look which is a Komodo dragon peering out from a bush.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Hum, honestly i smoke a cigarrette, i think about stuff, usually i leave the bathroom, take another cup of coffee and come back with energy to finish whatever project I'm doing...but there was this once i took the laptop to the bathroom with me so I could keep playing WoW, its was a raid day...

Hadn't really thought about it, but disturbingly, I don't think I think about much of anything! Unless it's one of those butt-rippers, or a million wiper, or something that won't come out. And if it's diarrhea I think, "Wow, let's check out the bowl spackle!" Otherwise, there isn't much going through my head.

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I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!