6/7/02 12:04 PM
6/7/02 12:12 PM
6/7/02 2:28 PM
Last summer, a friend and I feasted at an all-u-can eat seafood buffet.
We literally ate for an hour -- crab legs lathered in butter. On the way home we
stopped at the movies. We had a half-hour to kill before the show, so we got
drinks.
The drinks pushed all our stomach contents along, making us us both
have to shit like we never had before. So we went into the restroom, and each
picked a stall. Soon enough we each were sitting down and then it began. First
my friend: He let out a loud ass fart and shit continuously for about ten
seconds.
The smell emanating from that stall was unbelievable. He farted AGAIN
so loud that it seemed as if he shook the stall walls. I swear I heard at least
five pieces of shit hit the water. Simuntaneusly, I got into the act. I farted
about five or six times in succession before shitting more than I ever have
before. Then I started with this diarreaha that last a few minutes. My friend
shit so much he had to flush, and he filled up the bowl again.
I feel sorry for anyone who walked in there because we really stunk up that place. After the
initial barrage, it was less dramatic, but we were in there each about ten
minutes. We never ever shared this story with our girlfriends, but it is funny
as hell. And that seafood buffet was awesome. I'll definitely go back!
{You should talk about} something regarding pooping and NOT peeing. Never has there been a time
when I have deuced without letting a trickle of urine get out. Why is this? I
don't think I know one person who can poop and not pee. maybe there is a
physiological explination, but for now, god bless those who can poop and not
pee.
{You should talk about} how do you avoid getting poo-water splased on your ass????
When I got to the bathroom, sometimes my poop is really big! I always
clog the toilet and now I'm scared to go to the bathroom! I'm not fat, and my
butts not big either! Why is my poop so big and what the heck can I do about
it?
we have recently discovered that there are backwipers and front wipers.
For example, people who wipe their ass from behind (By reaching behind their
ass) as opposed to people who wipe from between their legs. Please shed some
light on this phenomenon. Thank you.
A joke along the lines of the shameless shitting manifesto.........
---------------------
I was on the interstate leaving Reno, and I decide to make a pit stop at
one of those rest stops on the side of the road. When I went into the
washroom, the first stall was taken, so I went in the second one. Just as
I sat down, I heard a voice from the next stall...
"Hi there, how is it going?"
Since I am not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in
washrooms on the side of the road, I didn't know what to say, so finally
I said, "Not bad..."
Then the voice says, "So, what are you doing?"
What a question? I am starting to find the whole experience a bit
strange, but nevertheless I say, "Well, the same as you."
Then I hear the person say, all flustered; "Look I'll call you back --
every time I ask you a question -- the idiot in the next stall keeps
answering me!"
Found this on the net and thought it would be a good addition to your site.
cheers,
I was standing in line at a carnival and it was a 2 hour wait. I
couldn't hold it so I ran to the nearest portipotty. I didn't notice the
occupied sign and I kick the door open. Some fat guy was sitting on it I
slammed the door and ran to the next one all of them were occupied. So I ran
into the bushes...
try eating some crap, it tastes of nuts, a bit like a snickers. i tried
it and its really nice. make sure your turd looks like its got some nuts in
first thought, or it willl taste of dumps.
Do you know where I can meet women who like to play with poop in the LA
Area? I'm really into this and don't know where to start looking.
I would always take my kids down to swimming lessons in the summer every
tuesday and thursday nights in the summer.
There was this girl there who would always ask to go poop. Well,
she let her for about a month. After about a month, the teacher told her
that she needs to use the bathroom before she comes.
The following week, I was at the swimming lessons watching my kids
swim when this big brown blob floated up on to the surface. When I
realized what it was, I grabbed my kids out of the water. Apparently, the
girl pulled down her pants and crapped in the water on purpose because
she was mad at the teacher.
Now, what she does is poops in the grass before the teacher comes.
It was so funny watching a lady scream when she sat down in the poop not
knowing what it was.
I remember when I was in kindergarten in Vienna, Austria. My dumbass
teacher told us kindergardeners male and female to go to the girls bathrooms.
One time, i really had to shit and shit my pants. I told the teacher i didnt
feel well and went to the nurse. The nurse was always asking me: "do you smell
that?" I said no, and i could catch her eyeing the lump around my ass. I said i
felt better and went to the bathroom, which was the girls. I took a shit
everywhere possible when the toilet was filled. There was shit EVERYWHERE!!
Being stupid then, i forgot to lock the door and many people came in looking at
the big pile of poo. Finally the secretary called my dad and he came to wipe my
ass. I remember being seriously embarresed, but at the same time, relieved.
Ahhh.... everyone knows theyve atleast taken a poop at school at least
once in there life. C'mon.. when u got to take a dump, You GOT to take a
dump. Well the funniest thing i love doing when i notice that someone in
my highschool girls bathroom is sitting there and waiting on the person
whos taking the crap come out of the stall and see you standing there
knowing that they just took a poop.
I find this task HILARIOUS because
the minute you walk into the bathroom they stop their "pushing out the
terd" process and literally try waiting there until the student who
walked in leaves. But... no no... when I walk in the bathroom and see a
poor soul trying to take a peaceful shit...i all of a sudden want to
RE-DO my make-up! =')... its so funny just listening to them do nothng
but sit on the hopeless shitter until finally they get the nerve to push
it out and leave the restroom as if they just took and innocent
tinkle!... You should try it sometime!
hey man,
i was looking at an online dictionary last night. the one i usually use was
down, so i found another. good think i did, b/c it had little tiny .wav files
for pronounciation purposes. i got this bright idea, attached in this e-mail.
have a crappy day!
che
Click here to listen to the .wav file. [15]
theres a really cool poop site called smellypoop.com [17]
they have greetings cards with real poop pictures on them and they are funny. your website should
consider adding this to it.
I doodled this one out on the can and then redrew
it at my computer. Your site is tremendous.
Kevin (mastercrapper@hotmail.com [20]).
Hey Dave,
i just got this message (Re:skiddypoop,japanese girl
VS playboy) from you and my browser detected a virus
attached to this message so it was instantly deleted.
I am curious about its contents.
~Skiddy Poo
Cram a log under an enemys car door handle. When they open their door,
they get a surprise!
Hi, I am thinking of selling my shit. Would anyone be interested in
buying a small sealed container of my fresh shit? You can order whatever
consistency you like. For more details email me [26]. You wont be disappointed.
Abe from UK
is it ok to masturbate in public restrooms why'll pooping?
As Sarah and I were babysitting together we had a baby to watch that had a
case of the poos. Well, as we put out the diapers in the garage (in the
trashcan) we soon realized that the diapers would soon dissapear. We finally
noticed that a bratty eight-year-old had been snatching them just to get our
attention. You know how little kids can be. This kid, William, liked to play
lots of practical jokes so we never knew when he was lying. So, anyway we had
finally waited for him to come snatch the new diapers.
I guess he knew that we
were waiting for him so he had a few tricks up his sleeve himself. I have never
figured out how he had done it. He took a new diaper and picked some poop up
and ate it! Right there in front of two teenage girls! We had no clue what to
do. This little eight year old had just eaten poopy. So, we called Poison
Control since this kid had just eaten someone elses poop! Finally, after we had
called the Poinson Control he finally fessed up to haven faked the whole thing
and it was really melted hershey's chocolate. We had almost crapped our pants
ourselves.
"Hurry! Drop the kids off at the pool!"
One time I went swimming in the ocean downtown. It was a beach but
rarely used, and I thought it was great when I got there to find no one around!
As I was basking, and enjoying to solitude while performing backstrokes,
someone yelled to me, saying "I wouldn't be in there if I were you! The
city's been using this harbor as their own personal septic field."
Outraged, I stood up. No way could they do that. There must have been some sort
of law against it. I suddenly wondered "What if this guy wanted me to come out
of the water so he could hurt me?"
"ya right!" I yelled back.
He shrugged, and walked away. He called out into the woods and a dog came to
the call, so I then realized he must have just been walking his canine friend
and thought he'd relay some disgusting news.
I began to trudge out, and when I reached the beach, I saw several dries turds
washed on shore, and wet toilet papers stained with shit. I still don't know
how I didn't notice it.
I puked.
when talking about poop we should not neglect wiping the taint....not
wiping yer taint can lead to skid marks in yer undies......my brother shaved
his taint once....he is younger so he is attention seeking....i am so proud of
him.....
lilartistpoet: Hey. I
like poop. Please talk to me
PoopReport: hello fellow pooper
lilartistpoet: lol
PoopReport: so you are an artist and a poet?
lilartistpoet: yeah..
PoopReport: you should make some art for PoopReport
lilartistpoet: hmmm....i
should
lilartistpoet: but i
just wouldn't know what to make
PoopReport: let your poop inspire you
PoopReport: do you paint?
lilartistpoet: yup
PoopReport: you should do a paiting for us
PoopReport: what kind of style?
lilartistpoet: any kind
really
PoopReport: yes... maybe a self portrait.. "Artist On Toilet"
lilartistpoet: hey hey
hey! now thats an idea!
lilartistpoet: lol
PoopReport: i'm serious
PoopReport: i've had people promise me paintings before, but they've always let me down
lilartistpoet: oh, thats
so sad
PoopReport: i'd love to see a painting
lilartistpoet: i just
may do one...
PoopReport: that would rule
lilartistpoet: first...gotta kinda get some more supplies
lilartistpoet: :-\money's kinda tight, u know how that goes
PoopReport: well, think of it this way... if you make this painting, you can be assured
that thousands of people will see it
lilartistpoet: sa-weet
lilartistpoet: hmm...would watercolor be okay?
PoopReport: you bet
PoopReport: you're the artist
PoopReport: i am the patron
PoopReport: you make the decisions
lilartistpoet: alright
lilartistpoet: there, i rescanned it
PoopReport: that's pretty cool!
PoopReport: is that the finished version?
lilartistpoet: yeah
PoopReport: sweet
TO: Dave [1]
FROM: Sam
DATE: 4.23.02002
SUBJECT: Poop Story
==============================
TO: Dave [2]
FROM: Nicole
DATE: 5.13.02002
SUBJECT: discussions
==============================
TO: Dave [3]
FROM: Lisa
DATE: 5.13.02002
SUBJECT: discussions
==============================
TO: Dave [4]
FROM: Lou
DATE: 4.8.02002
SUBJECT: ask poopreport
==============================
TO: Dave [5]
FROM: Alex and Carrie
DATE: 5.10.02002
SUBJECT: ask poopreport
==============================
TO: Dave [6]
FROM: Professor Joe C
DATE: 5.16.02002
SUBJECT: Re: PoopNews ||||| 5.16.02002
==============================
TO: Dave [7]
FROM: chris
DATE: 6.7.02002
SUBJECT: Healthy Poo pamphlet
==============================
chris
TO: Dave [8]
FROM: Roy
DATE: 5.16.02002
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================
TO: Dave [9]
FROM: kimberley
DATE: 5.17.02002
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================
TO: Dave [10]
FROM: Nick
DATE: 5.18.02002
SUBJECT: ask poopreport
==============================
TO: Dave [11]
FROM: Blue Gummy Worm
DATE: 5.19.02002
SUBJECT: Swimmin' lessons
==============================
TO: Dave [12]
FROM: Nathan Rhodes
DATE: 5.17.02002
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================
TO: Dave [13]
FROM: Lil' Dre
DATE: 5.21.02002
SUBJECT: Being mean to those who poop at school.
==============================
TO: Dave [14]
FROM: Che Guanovara
DATE: 5.22.02002
SUBJECT: check it out
==============================
TO: Dave [16]
FROM: conor brandquist
DATE: 5.21.02002
SUBJECT: poop resources
==============================
TO: Dave [18]
FROM: mastercrapper@hotmail.com [19]
DATE: 6.9.02002
SUBJECT: UPS: picture worth 1000 words (or perhaps fewer)
==============================
TO: Dave [21]
FROM: Skiddy Poo
DATE: 5.23.02002
SUBJECT: poop resources
==============================
TO: Dave [22]
FROM: Sergent Cranium [23]
DATE: 5.22.02002
SUBJECT: fun with poop
==============================
TO: Dave [24]
FROM: Bill the Bograt [25]
DATE: 5.27.02002
SUBJECT: fun with poop
==============================
TO: Dave [27]
FROM: Tyler
DATE: 5.27.02002
SUBJECT: ask poopreport
==============================
TO: Dave [28]
FROM: Alicia and Sarah [29]
DATE: 5.28.02002
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================
TO: Dave [30]
FROM: Jaybowel [31]
DATE: 5.30.02002
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================
TO: Dave [32]
FROM: Mik
DATE: 5.31.02002
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================
TO: Dave [33]
FROM: becca beans1 [34]
DATE: 6.2.02002
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================
TO: Dave [35]
FROM: Roymund [36]
DATE: 6.2.02002
SUBJECT: poop story
==============================
