The Colostomy Bag: Mail From Readers

TO: Dave [1]
FROM: Colin Bowell
DATE: 5.10.02001
==============================

Dave,

I thought you may find an appropriate use for this on "Poopreport."
wipey wipey

Matt from Turd World Nation [2] sent this in:
TO: Dave [3]
FROM: Matt
DATE: 7.26.02001
==============================
turdworld fan

TO: Dave [4]
FROM: Royce McCadular
DATE: 7.13.02001
==============================

Hello, I have a website. It is www.members.tripod.com/bavarians [5]. The Bavarians were first a band, once we got pretty good at that we tried video. Many people didn't like our videos because they don't get our humor. We also do alot of poop humor. The site is still basic and still under construction but it contains a little bio, a fake rules list for a faction we made up and some comics. Some of the comics don't make much sense and some are about poop. Its not that good yet but we are slowly making it better. I hope you add it to your list.

Royce McCadular (aka) smogmore of the Bavarian Creme Delites)

TO: Dave [6]
FROM: Jame-jame
DATE: 5.2.02001
==============================

I was looking for the medical report on poop. Why it's brown.... could ya'll foward the report to me or tell me where the shit it's hidden?!?!?!

TO: Dave [7]
FROM: Glenn
DATE: 7.26.02001
==============================

Hey poop guys,

Have had this question for a while now, I was wondering about the temperature of poop. Is it colder than 98.6 degrees or hotter? Does it depend on the type of poo? DOes it depend on how hydrated you are or what you ate? Just wondering... Can you guys give me some info or point me in the right direction? Any help with this is appreciated.
TO: Glenn
FROM: Dave [8]
DATE: 7.27.02001
==============================

Hey poop guy,

I'm guessing that poop is 98.6, given that it's in your body and that's how warm it is in your body. That's probably why dog poop steams on snow... it's so much warmer than the surrounding air. (human poop steams on snow also, but i'm not going to say anything about that).

If you want a better response, try asking here:

www.straightdope.com
www.howthingswork.com
www.heptune.com/poop.html

Later,

Dave
PoopReport.com

PoopReport has a section called Being Mean With Poop [9]. Usually the ideas contributed are as clever and funny as they are mean. However, sometimes they're just plain mean:
TO: Dave [10]
FROM: Sean
DATE: 7.28.02001
==============================

I know that a lot of little children like pokemon cards. I also know that there are pokemon "leagues" at Toys R Us stores.

A good idea would to steal the kids pokemon card binder when the kid walks away (they always get distracted and leave their cards unattended for minutes at a time). Take it to the bathroom and jam your poop up in the pockets of the binder and return it to where the kid will notice it. He will most definetly cry and never want to go near that binder again!

TO: Dave [11]
FROM: Alex
DATE: 5.5.02001
==============================

Melt a Hersey bar in your hand, then, in a public restroom, put your hand under the stall and ask the guy next to you for some toilet paper!

TO: Dave [12]
FROM: Johnney
DATE: 4.17.02001
==============================

Dave,

This is not a poop story per se, but something disturbing that I have noticed in several bathrooms here at work. I must point out that I do not work in a gas station with a public shitter (where I would not be surprised by this), but in a "professional" environment.

Invariably, above only one urinal in a bathroom, boogers have begun to accumulate. I don't mean a couple of small, dried flakes. I'm talking about wads of dried snot and portions of grey matter. It's bad enough to have to stare at a hideously colored wall whilst I piss, but to have that wall plastered with boogers? Ugh. Have others seen things like this at work? I would love to laugh at someone else's misery just as they would laugh at mine!