Recently, I was in the hospital. I suffered a slip-and-fall accident after tripping on a pothole on, of all places, Park Avenue in New York City. I had a subdural hematoma (bleeding in the brain) from striking my head on the curb. The doctors doped me up so I could hardly move.

What's this have to do with PoopReport? Well, this traumatic incident turned me on to a product of interest to people who poop their pants (as many PoopReporters, it seems, tend to do).

The nurses were busy gossiping in the hall outside my room as I buzzed and buzzed the call button for help to the bathroom. So there was some, [1] umm, accidents and loss of dignity.

Enter the Secura Personal Cleanser!

Reading from the label:

"No rinse, one-step personal cleanser for the perineum." (Your perineum is your butt.)

"Antimicrobial."

"Its gentle surfactants emulsify stool without friction."

"Reduces odor."

"Non-irritating."

"pH buffered."

"Pediatrician tested."

I recommend you get a bottle to have on hand for those PoopReport emergencies. You just spray and wipe off!

It's on Amazon.com [2]!

Amazon says they have three new and used. Eww -- used?