(In PoopReport parlance, being "smeared brown with corn-studded nuggets of wit" is a good thing.)
And while everyone makes PoopReport in their own special way, there are two PoopReporters who have made 2008 the desiccated TP-walled liferaft floating in a sea of putrified Applebees that it was.
(Which, again, in PoopReport parlance, is a compliment.)
These two crap-flaked, bile-dripping, scum-oozing butt parrots are --
(Wait, is there a difference between PoopReport parlance and the kind of insult that you'd duel a guy over? I think I've completely lost perspective.)
-- these two upstanding citizens are Prarie Doggin and ChiefThunderbutt.
Prarie Doggin [1] ducked onto the site during the late months of 2007. This former trucker left skidmarks of quality material all over the front pages, ranging from the pooetic to the autobiographical. On top of posting an amazing 2,226 comments plus 1,114 posts on the forums, he somehow found time to write seven content items [2], including a few now-classic poems. 61 of his comments [3] were +'d for 68 extra points. He not only made himself at home with the usual group of front page malcontents, but he also meshed with us in the forum, quipping one-liners at just right time. He has breathed new life into the sense of community with his daily participation and ability to play off of many of our long-time members.
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From Ode To The Road Load [4]:
Back-road Kentucky bathrooms I dread
As I looked down on the steaming log I was forming,
I opened the door. Alas, fate had one final blow to deal me. There, thanks to the turbulence, strapped to their jump seats, were two young cabin attendants. Their eyes looked as if they had seen Satan having sex with Pat Robertson. They had heard everything, and they would soon smell everything. |
ChiefThunderbutt [7] only started posting in earnest in the second half of 2008. But the guy joined back in 2005, which means he qualifies to be PoopReporter of the Year. And when it comes to the sharing of oneself, Chief Thunderbutt is a pro. He posted 908 comments and 394 forums posts and wrote 11 content items [8]. With 1052 total userpoints, he has 25 +'d comments [9] for 30 total extra points. Not since the Big Wiper's arrival on the scene have we been privy to such home-spun, genuine, well-coined tales; and we've enjoyed every one. These memories, recollected from a comfortable, married, family man, have reminded the regulars that poop is not only cool, it's familial.
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From Go Add It To The Mountain [10]:
If one were well versed in scatology, the points of departure on the continent could probably have been determined by the appearance of the poop. I did not know that human shit came in such a variety of colors and textures. I would assume the logs that were speckled with corn came from the butts of Midwestern farm boys going overseas for the first time. There was green shit, black shit, mauve shit, yellow shit, and even a few logs of traditional brown shit. There was runny shit, firm shit, medium shit, and any other texture you might want to see. It was all piled in this one commode like a giant Baskin Robbins ice cream sundae. Quite a lot of it had dripped onto the floor.
My poor father had been preparing to take a dump when he spied a spider on the floor. Wishing to clear the building of a possibly dangerous arachnid, he had stomped on the beast. Unfortunately the floor was not structurally sound enough to withstand stomping. Also, unfortunately for my father, we had a very deep pit under our toilet.
We are prone to exaggerate the duration of our farts, so I will only say that this was the longest fart I ever let. After a moment or so, I heard my sister -- in the next room! -- say, "Phewee, DuPont is strong tonight!" My young bosom swelled with pride: I was as rank as a chemical factory. I couldn't compete with the old man's volume, but I was master of the stench factor. |
It's a tough decision between two men who both produce exemplary turds that could be held aloft as examples of extrusion and subtle flecking of tomato skin to which we should all aspire.
(PoopReport parlance or not -- I'm quite sure that's flattery at its highest.)
Study each PoopReporter. Read his comments, his stories, his posts. And then cast your vote below.
PoopReporter of the Year 2008: Vote here: Prarie Doggin 48% ChiefThunderbutt 52% Total votes: 102 |