i'm not voting first this time!
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i love poop.

I wash my hands after I wash the cat.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

At home, always after a shit.
In public, after shit or piss.
On PoopReport, after I type CEP.

I voted for other. I don't wash my hands before I poop but I certainly wash them afterwards. I do wash my hands extremely well before peeing since I must self-cath several times a day. Bladder infections are no fun! I also wash my hands before I eat especially at restaurants (which is seldom). I wash my hands first thing every time I return home from shopping, exercise, etc. I am not a germophobe but, after having almost died from bacterial pneumonia a few years ago, I am extremely cautious. One more thing for you to think about next time you are at an all you can eat buffet, did the person who touched those tongs just before you wash their hands after having scratched their butt hole or fiddled around with their plumbing?

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Can someone explain this hand washing thing?

Prarie. See Macbeth, Act V, Scene 1.

Out, damned spot, I say!

That's what I say every time I wash my hands, Logjam.

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Blowing you chocolate kisses from my butt...

Yes, I wash my hands every time after both ones and twos,with the exception of if I need to get up for a wee in the middle of the night.
Unless I get wee on my fingers (rare), I'll happily toddle off back to bed without washing, only because the cold water wakes me up properly, and I have a bastard of a time trying to get back to sleep.

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I don't bite my nails, 'cause I don't like the taste of whats under 'em.

Wee on your fingers BM? Your dick's that small?

I'm like Chief on this one, except I'm just a tad more extreme. I wash my hands about 50 times before during and after I prepare a meal. Always when using the bathroom or changing a diaper and numerous other times throughout the day. I actually washed the first layer of skin off due to excessive washing, so I have had to cut back. I think I'm going to go wash my hands now.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Like BM, normally everytime except in the night.
When I worked we noticed that the higher people got in management, the less likely they were to wash after peeing. Theories included:
1)Too busy, can't spare the time
2)Being a manager meant they'd learnt not to pee on their hands.
3)Being a big prick lessened the chance of peeing on the hands.

You forgot #4. Their piss isn't wet.

I am like logjam. I wash every time I am in a public restroom. When at home I usually only wash after I poop. I wash my dick in the morning then tuck it away in a pair of clean underwear. I don't leak. So the way I figure it, my penis stays clean and my HANDS get dirty.

A while back I got a below the belt piercing (took it out) and the piercer told me to wash before touching it. He said more infections occur on those piercings because of dirty hands than any other reason.

I also don't flush after every pee when at home. Why waste 1.6 gallons of water for 12ounces of pee?

Chief, I know your pain. Years ago I had to self cath every 4-6 hours. I was lucky (or very hygenic) and after 6 months of straight cathing never got an infection.

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Number
One . . . I order you to take a number two.

NIL....Thanks for your empathy, unfortunately my self-cathing will be for the rest of my life, but it really isn't that bad. If I were hung like John Holmes or Ron Jeremy that might be a problem. Thank God for small favors.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

When I whip out "The Crippler" to take a piss I'm killing two birds with one stone...I stand there and piss and half my dick is underwater. I piss and rinse the monster at the same time._______
Sorry---I farted!!

I wasn't gonna mention it, cuz Wedgie is doing such a terrific job helping out, but we did this poll, a while ago, or at least very similar http://www.poopreport.com/Poll/wash_hands.html hmmm...can't make the link work...oh well.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Where's the "Never" option? I've been in shitters with people who didn't wash their hands, whether I was there or not. Gross.

When I go potty, I go And then wash my hands in the toilet

I'm kinda weird when it comes to washing my hands. If my hands are dirty I'll wash with soap and water then piss or shit, then rinse with water, unless I get something on my hands. But I really like george carlin's theory of, is my dick so dirty that after touching it I need to wash my hands? The answer is no. Now if I pissed out from underneath my balls, I would definately. But even if I don't use soap, I do at least rinse. It just helps me feel cleaner. I hate seeing people not wash their hands after fucking around in a public restroom be it peeing or pooping. And hugh, I think I musta been shitting when you came in to piss. I woulda swore I heard dick hit porcelain.

Hand washing is important and you need to do it properly. Do not neglect this basic responsibility to yourself and others.

haha anonymous coward... thats good...
anyways.. I'm pretty sick.. I only wash my hands if i mess with animals and have to eat. or if i get something on them... i should probably consider hand sanitizer..

What's nice is that Wal-Mart has these little squeezie bottles of anti-bacterial lotion at the check-out stand that are either vanilla or cucumber melon for under two dollars. I like the hand sanitizer, but it does dry your hands out something horrible.

Matter of fact, now at Ireland Health Center (Ft. Lewis) everywhere you look there is a bottle of Purell Sanitizer Lotion. I like that. These people know we poop, are sick, and wipe our noses every two freaking seconds at the hospital.

I say you can't wash your hands enough. It doesn't hurt as long as your have lotion, and lotion smells nice.

Fuck it. Be clean.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Hugh,
EW!so are you washing your penis in urine and whatever else happens to be in the bowl at the time? What about urinals? I'm afraid that I would get strange growths if my Dick touched the side of one of those.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Oh lord Daphne this made me think of the last time I was at Walmart. I was waiting in line and about 2 customers were ahead of me. Suddenly the cashier wipes her snotty nose all the way down her sleeve. Even as far back as I was I could visibly see the snot. I screamed out, "That's fuckin sick!!!!" and moved to another lane. Everyone stared at me like I was nuts, I think I'm the only person that saw it. I complained about it to the red vest but she was just like Oh yeah she does that all the time. Ahhhhhhh!!!!
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Yet another kilt advantage! If you need to wee, lift, lean back, and let fly. Look Ma, no hands. (works best outside, where I usually pee)

I think Hugh was just being facetious, NIL. Are you?

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Blowing you chocolate kisses from my butt...

Nine Inch Log wrote: "I'm afraid that I would get strange growths if my Dick touched the side of one of those."

I was wondering how I got those damn things...I thought it was the power of positive thinking, wanting to be "ribbed for her pleasure". Damn the luck.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Daphne's comment reminded me of an A.M. radio show that had a topic one morning about OCD. one guy calls and says he uses hand sanitizer about 20-30 times a day, and washes about the same. He says he uses the sanitizer so he won't get up from his desk at work so much.So one of the DJs says "but when you use the sanitizer you still have dead germs on your hands." There was silence for a few seconds and the guy starts screaming "THANKS! THANKS ALOT!! THANKS FOR PUTTING THAT IN MY HEAD I GOTTA GO WASH MY HANDS NOW!"
The rest of the morning was the same thing being "thanked" from other OCD people who did the same thing at work.
It was hilarious.

Not to be redundant, but i wash my hands always. i often wash my hands before and after the tiolet. Boring, yet so worth it.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilge, If they are white growths they are from the urinal, green, from an unwashed hand, brown, well then you're Hugh.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

when it comes to me, its just easier to hop in the shower when im done.

You know the bad thing about all the germex and anti-bacterial soap and shit, if you use it a lot, it kills your natural bacteria that protects you.

Dogs wash by licking themselves clean.

I would if I could.

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"All men's poop smells good to themselves"

I find that by using hand lotion often my hands don't get dry or cracked, which is one of the ways that antibacterial soaps/gels actually cause more trouble - open cracks or sores in one's skin.

I wonder how much one has to wash his/her hands with anti-bacterial soap (that only kills .4% more germs that regular soap, but those .4 can be bad ones) for it to genuinely cause a weakness in the body's defenses. I can't imagine washing my hands when I cook or when I'm sick has depleted my immunity any more than anything else I've done.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Good God, daphne, that last sentence was hard to read!
And we all know damned well that you have a better command of the English language than that!

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I don't bite my nails, 'cause I don't like the taste of whats under 'em.

wash your hands! its the best way to not get sick

Damn you pnuttycorn! I was trying to not think about that everytime I used hand sanitizer. Now I'll be paranoided everytime I use it from here on out!!!!
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

I sometimes have a nuclear turd and it goes everywhere, i have to!

How ironic, i just had the stomach flu.

How ironic, i just had the stomach flu.

There's been a lot of that repeatovirus going around. Maybe you had that one Phat.

I didn't see a selection for "I always wash my hands with soap after I poop but usually only rinse my hands after I pee unless I think I really got something on them or unless someone else is in the bathroom with me." Has there been a discussion already of whether you should have a conversation with someone inside the stall or from the stall while you are pooping? I guess timing is everything.

Mullet, the only time I rag on people for the way they type is when they're negative or flaming assholes. YOU CALLING ME AN ASSHOLE, ESSE?

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Well hell daphne, I think after that lil outburst, no one will call you an asshole. You may jump in you '64 impala lowrider and go pop a cap in someone's ass while hittin switches in the parking lot.

Crikey, I didn't mean any offense there, daph, please don't go sticking a pop cap in my donkey or turning off the lights in the car park (whatever that means).
All I meant was that you normally post good, sensible, well-constructed sentences, but that last one about not imagining washing your hands, well, it was ... erm... *mumbles something incoherent*
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I don't bite my nails, 'cause I don't like the taste of whats under 'em.

Daphne, just don't pop him in that...er...bag he's carrying.

(BM, I hope you have a good sense of humor. Love you man)

1.) I like the old Chevy Impalas.

1.a) However, I'm really white.

2.) I have flannel shirts.

2.a.) After reading the comment in question, all I can think to add is the word 'that' between the words 'imagine' and 'washing'.

3.) I'm normally not defensive.

3.a.) YOU WANNA' MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT???? I CUT YOU.

4.) I should not moderate while under the influence of alcohol.

4.a.) Where's my fucking drink?

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

"Sawed-off shotgun, hand on the pump.
Left hand on a 40, puffin' on a blunt"

That's my little girl, Daphne.

Wow PD, didn't know you were a rapper. You should put out an album called "Prarie D-O-Double G-In: the poopiest rapper alive!!!"

I believe I heard the lines from a Cypress Hill song or something, thus the quotations. It fit our little gangsta Daphne so well though.

Yea sounds like it. I'd be careful talkin bout her, I think she's gotten explosive. She'll go all NWA Straight Outta Compton on your ass.

Over 40% of you guys are disgusting.

I wash my hands because my buddy who's a doctor told me that I could cut down on getting sick by 80+% by washing my hands more often. He then said he does it after using the toilet - more for washing the douchey germs off from where his hands have been than from using the bathroom.

I'd probably wash half the time or more if it weren't for that. I know what's on my hands and what's not! I think....

Daphne has split personalities, and at the moment, seems to be in her Adolphne Shitler persona...thats the really hot, sexy, you know its gonna hurt so good, one.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

i wipe my ass with a rag on a stick, there for i dont need to wash my hands.

The big man shoots and scores!!!!

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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

*Giggling like a fool*
No worries, pd, I don't mind at all.
But I notice that some sneaky bugger has managed to delete the word 'has' from the end of that sentence of daph's, which started this derail in the first place.
Now how does that work?
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I don't bite my nails, 'cause I don't like the taste of whats under 'em.

I usually do, but if I'm in a hurry I won't.

I figure, who's gonna get close enough to smell my hands anyway?

I wash my hands every time. I can't stand being dirty, or feeling dirty.

The bad part of me wants to reply to this soooo badly...but I'm trying to be better.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Mullet, I told you in the comment above that I edited my sentence! As to the deleted word, in an effort to stay on topic, I used it to wipe my butt. And then I washed my hands.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Daphne, you wiped and washed, but you forgot to flush. I'm sure the family is not amused with that little 'has' floating in the toilet.

I never wash my hands after peeing. I just don't see why women would need to, as our hands don't come into contact with anything. That is, unless you wipe your clam with your bare hands... and what a strange habit that would be, even for me.

If memory serves me correctly, I may have gotten piss on my hands (don't ask me how) during a drunken-middle of the night-bathroom visit, perhaps on more than one occasion. I can't say for certain whether I washed, or that I even wiped. I am not ashamed.

In regard to dumping, I usually always wash my hands. Admittedly, after I release my demons, I sometimes like to chase my boyfriend around the house with my soiled hands outstretched, eagerly reaching for his face. He flips out every time, but I thoroughly enjoy tormenting him. Some things never get old...

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Le Stink ...

Now, that's a comment.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Madam Le stink. Thanks for than image. I WAS going to introduce my girl to PR but now I'm afraid she will see your post and get the idea to chase me around with shit stained hands.
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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Postman, you got me smelling all my mail now. Thanks.

Madame le stink, you sound a lot lke my girl friend, except she'll chase me around with a toilet paper wad full of dog poop. I don't understand women. It's like george carlin said, women use sentances like "okay fuckers, I'm going to tinkle" but will play with poop and do some nasty ass shit. I don't get it.

I know where my dick has been, but no one knows what thier hands have come into contact with. That being said, I always wash before, and usually after.

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"You know why I like you Harry? Because you're a regular guy, yep, that's why I want you to stay regular."

After the Good Morning Poop, I just get in the shower. For others like the Early Afternoon Poop and the After Dinner Poop, washing with soap is the best way to go. It is recommended that you spend at least fifteen seconds lathering up before rinsing your hands to make sure you get all the E.coli and C.diff off! This is about how long it takes to sing Happy Birthday. Be sure to get around nail beds! Obsessive handwashing can dry the skin, so don't forget to use a lotion. Dry skin can crack and present an easy route for infection. If unbroken, the skin provides the body with a pretty good first-line defense against invading microbes. BEWARE the Fecal-Oral Route of Pathogen Transmission: WASH YOUR HANDS!!!
The fecal-oral route is the root of many evils and diarrhea can kill you if it's bad enough. Never swallow the poop!!!
----Captain Craptastic!!!

Captain, is that why my girlfriend refuses to eat my poop? Because of the dangers of the fecal oral route? Damn! I thought it was because she didn't like the smell.

Anyway, has anyone ever noticed that things that are good for you can also be bad for you. Captain states that you must wash your hands to prevent bacteria and viruses from getting in your body. Then he also says that washing your hands can dry and crack your skin which allows for viruses and bacteria to get in. So, what do we do? I propose that we use the 3 sea shells!! If it works for Sandra Bullock I should work for me.
br>_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

I take a full shower every time I poop. If I clog up a chinese restaurant's pooper I will drive home to shower.

This allows me to use my toilet bowl scrubber to scrape the remaining fecal matter out of my butt.

I just dump and go.

I wash them in a public bathroom, unless someone is there to horrify.

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I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

I hate the sinks in public bathrooms that have the automatic sensors but have the spigot located so low that your hands touch the bottom of the sink. You wet your hands, soap them up, give them a good scrubbing then have to drag them on the bottom of the sink while trying to activate the water for a rinse.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

The only thing that bugs me more than that are the push button sinks that shut off half-way through the rinse.

I've found a good solution to that.

Step 1- Put on steel-toed boots.

Step 2- Kick the shit out the faucet.

Step 3- Wash your heads in the resulting high-powered stream.

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I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

As often as needed.

The urine on the tp becomes a wick for the bacteria (that you brought to the tp with your dirty hands) to travel up a female's wee wee hole. I was taught to wash my hands before and after using the toilet to prevent infection. If one asshole doesn't wash hands after a dump then touches doorknob, light switch, etc., he is spreading e. coli germs. E. coli made my now deceased sister very sick. Her farts were the worst I have ever smelled when she was in the hospital for it. They stunk becasue of the large amount of blood in her stool. She needed a blood transfusion because of e. coli. Le madam stink, you might want to reconsider washing your hands for a pee.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Salaam aleikum. Il-Hamdu lillaah! Goods morning, infidels.

I am admiring your Miss Shit Volcano. She has much spirit. I am having three wives, they are having no spirit.

I would like to buy your Miss Shit Volcano for my wife number four. I am very rich man. I am having much gold and camels and sheeps. Also I am being hung like the donkey, very good for jiggy-jigs.

Name your price. Shokran.

Goods bye, infidels. Salaam aleikum. Il-Hamdu lillaah!

Fik, you need to send me a certified cashier's check in the amount of $250,000,000.00 U.S. dollars, just to negotiate for our Shit Volcano, but I'm sure this pittance will be well worth your effort, as indeed, TSV is imbued with much spirit.

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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Mr Bilge, I am thinking you are perhaps of Nigerian origin. You have strange ways of negotiating.

Our custom is to pay for beautiful spirited ladies with fine camels and sheeps.

Well, now...sheep I can use....

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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

why are you part Scottish Bilge?
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Nope, but after being without for a few years, I'm just not fussy.

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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Does The Shit Volcano know she is viewed as merchandise? Her spirit may get as mean as the hurricanes she chases if you talk about her like she is not human.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

TSV knows her role, she is a piece of meat, to be bartered for...

(a futile effort, but running anyway....pissed pants and all...)

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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

oooh, you better run scared with pissed pants cuz as soon as TSV sees this thread she is going to be HOT TO TROT!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Goods afternoon, infidels. I am being glad to hear you will barter for Miss Shit Volcano!

I am offering three racing camels (with small boy jockeys) and fifteen sheeps.

Il-Hamdu lillaah!

I am not an infidel, so stop referring to me as one. creep.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Fik, how dare you insult the honor of our beloved Miss TSV with your laughable offer. It will take more than mere camels and sheep to avail yourself of this fine treasure. We are beef lovers here. Please send us the latest Omaha Steak catalog and we will get back with our counter offer.

BTW, our Chief wants to know if you have any old or sickly camels or sheep (past their expiration date) that you would like to sell at a steep discount.

Prarie Bin Doggin

You are good, PD. So good.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Fik.....I am an infidel and think your offer sounds reasonable. I can't get the Shit Volcano but would be willing to send a feisty Tennessee maiden or two. You don't require them to have teeth do you?

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Seems like a bargain to me...Fik`s throwing in some free jockeys as well. Let`s get this deal tied up and ship TSV out there on the first available flight. I`m sure he`ll pay for the airfare and livestock shipping costs. I guesss the jockeys will be bunking up with the camels and won`t need a plane seat.

One of you is playing Fik. Who is it?
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

How do you know Thunderbox? Is it because you are Fikl Matr!?
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I`m just trying to get the best deal for us, sittingpretty. I`ve negotiated with the likes of Fik before and know how to bargain and haggle.... Maybe we could try for an extra jockey as well as the shipping.

Tbox, I would not recommend adding another jockey. Those are racing camels. They're not sluts.

SP, in case you didn't know, they don't teach sex ed and drivers ed on the same day as it is too much for the camels.

T'Box - Newsflash.... The extra jockey turned up yesterday at Sandhurst.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8106302.stm