seems to me that scraping the bottom of the shoe in grass and/or dirt is the best way to do it. of course, it may depend on the type of shoes. if the sole has a lot of deep parts to it, maybe the poop really gets stuck in there and you have to dig out with something.
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i love poop.

Of course #1. Scrape your shoes till the skid marks are gone.

I kick Wedgie in the ass, playfully, and dislodge the majority of shit on her pance.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

i then remove my pance, and chase bidge with them trying rub the shit back onto him, until i realize this is exactly what he wanted, and i hate running.
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i love poop.

I chose the water source answer. But why hobble? I just wear the shoe until I'm at the water source (or at the house), take off the shoe and then wash it. There's no reason to hobble. It's not as if there's dog shit on the sole of my foot.
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My special need's student crapped in your honor roll student's backpack.

After dancing swearing, etc., I tell my Korean neighbors I know where they can find a tasty dog that requires minimal cleaning as it has recently purged itself (sorry Daphne). Then I proceed to scrub all the shit possible off my shoe with whatever is available as long as it does not require actually touching. When I enter my home I take off my shoes, as is the usual procedure at ThunderButt Estates, and place my shoes in their customary place immediately inside the door, thereafter totally ignoring them. Feign ignorance when frau Thunderbutt wrinkles nose in disgust. After disgusted wife cleans shoe, go about business as usual.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I save up all of my dog's shit and carry it around with me so that I can terrorize ungrateful old people in the shitters at the local public park.

Somehow, the idea of Wedgie chasing me with her pance just seems um.....Through the Looking Glass-ish

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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I always just washed it off with the hose. My mom has chickens and when I'd go in the pen to take care of the nasty little creatures I'd inevitibly come out with shitty shoes so I'd just spray them off and be done with it. And after doing that everyday for years it eventually carried over to dog shit as well. Grass and curbs just don't do a good enough job.

When I read the title to this poll I just knew who the author was. Had an interesting dog poop on the shoe incident when my oldest daughter was in kindergarten. Seems she stepped in some dog shit while waiting for the bus and it was stinking up her classroom. The evil witch receptionist called me up to tell me I needed to either come take her home, bring her a new pair of shoes, or come clean up the shoe myself. She was being held in the office until something could be done about it. I went down there and said well what do you expect me to do wipe this off with my hands? She pointed me to the teachers bathroom where I had the pleasure of rinsing dog shit off this shoe with like nine million tiny grooves. It took like 15 minutes to clean off. I seriously thought about leaving the mess behind cause I was pissed but I knew that lazy bitch wouldn't be the one to clean it up. Hope she enjoyed my girls and my baby screaming and tearing up and down the hall way for those 15 minutes. She didn't even say thanks for coming down or anything like that. I pleasantly told her to have a nice fuckin day and not to call me again unless my kids were sick or hurt. She just sat there staring at me with her mouth hanging open.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Good God, Crapper, that reminds me of something that happened the last time I had to get an ID card on post at Fort Lewis.

Someone left some McDonald's paper napkins all over the floor. They were clean, but I thought "Fuck it, I'll throw them out." I approached the receptionist, an official-looking civilian (which is another way to say that she acted like she had stripes on too), and said "I found these on the floor. Would you please throw them away for me?"

She gave me this look and said, "No. But YOU can." Then she made some grandiose gesture to the garbage pail behind her. The look she gave me was crazy. It was as if I was ordering her around, when I was so polite about the entire incident. I think she thought tossing the paper towels was beneath her, like the person at your daughter's school seemed to think about the dog crap. Jesus Christ. Shit happens, you know?

Back the receptionist at the ID place, she motioned for me to walk around to a doorway about ten feet away to use the waste basket. So, she can't take the paper napkins I'm holding, but she can tell me to walk around the corner and throw them out.

I was so tempted to say, "You know, on second thought, I'll just go put them back on the floor." The look on her face would have been priceless.

Instead, I wadded the napkins up into a ball, leaned over the counter, and shot for two points. I was then also tempted to miss, therefore making her pick it up and toss it herself, but she would have probably had the MP standing by the door with his daughter arrest me.

I really hate people sometimes.

Oh, and if I step in dog shit, I just walk it off, because it usually happens when we're walking our dogs. And no, it's not our dog shit. But I have stepped in our dog shit in the middle of the night while taking out our dogs before going to bed. That usually sucks because I'm in bare feet. At this point it's hop on one foot to bathroom and use a wet wipe.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

As somebody who has stepped in dog shit many, many times, I feel I'm an expert on this subject.

What I've done in the past is just scrape it off on the persons front step, or, if it's a patron I really don't like, wipe it on their welcome mat.

Postman, doesn't some of that junk mail come in stiff envelopes? Or you could use one of those fake credit cards.

I forgot. Is dog shit in the postal creed?

If it isn't, it should be. Let's see, rain, snow, gloom of night, dog shit. It would fit right in.

Daphne, great story! ChiefThunderbutt - hilarious.

Here's what I do... I make wild gestures to anyone nearby who has a dog and scream "was that you you little shit?" and then hobble like a maniac toward them with a crazed look on my face until they turn tail and run away.

OK, maybe it wasn't their exclamation point left at the end of the sentence, but I'm sure they have left one behind for good luck before so too damn bad.

Folks, don't put poopy shoes on the counter unless you intended to invite unwanted guests into your own bowel.

Simply wash, rinse, repeat and then for gods sake, sanitize your hands.

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Sealed, for your protection...

This question holds no great relevance to me, as no one would notice if I stepped in dog poop. I reek so badly from a lack of everyday hygiene that the aroma of the dog poop would be as fragrant as a floral bouquet to those around me. Just last week I farted, and someone replied, "I'm glad you let some fresh air in here."

My workmates accosted me last month. I was dragged into janitor's closet where they took a staple gun and attached several dozen pine air fresheners to my armpits and groin area. Upon escaping, I was asked by the receptionist if we were having a luau. She thought I was wearing a grass dress.

I am a foul-smelling man and have no hopes for recovering what little dignity with which I was born.

Management is always wrong!

Yours sincerely,

Feto D. Walcott

Bilge would probably decide which wipe-cat he liked the least and use it to clean his shoes.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

I would take the shoes back to where I bought them and tell them they smell like shit. After a few ackward minutes sitting on the counter they would get me a new pair.

I look for the nearest old person and borrow his or her walking stick - they`re just the right length and those curvy handles dig out the last morsels perfectly.

I'd kick a politician in the ass until the shit was gone. Dog shit that is. Kicking a politician in the ass until all their shit is gone is either inpossible or akin to homicide.

These comments have me cracking up.

I could donate my shoes to the homeless home, for it might cover up the smell of their BO.

Once I stepped in the white dog shit. You know the kind that has been left exposed to the elements so long it's beginning to petrify? Yeah. You wouldn't think so, put those old turds can still have a soft gooey center. Now usually I would wipe it on the curb, but in this particular instance, the dog poo had the quality of warm tar and would not come off. This was back in my school days and I was wearing my prized pair of Doc Maarten's. I was gonna be god damned if I walked about with dog shit in the treads of those shoes! So, I ripped a page from the school library's copy of 'Billy Budd', right from the middle, and scooped the poop out.

Shame on you Poopsy McGee for defiling a great book by one of my favorite writers. I was made fun of in a college literature class because I admitted to having read 'Moby Dick' for pleasure, but still I defend the writings of Herman Melville. I would have given hearty approval however, if you had de-dunged your shoe with a page, or even a whole chapter of,
'The Picture of Dorian Gray', by Oscar Wilde.
I was forced to read that monstrosity for a lit class and came close to wrist slashing.

PS: I love you anyway.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

The kerb/grass option followed as quickly as possible by water; unless I had to get back in my car as nothing is more gagging than a partial boot-load of crap inside a car, in which case a more thorough dry clean.

Dear Chiefikins,

I rather enjoy Oscar Wilde. He was a cad and I like that.

I have read Melville for pleasure along with Dostoyevsky and Hardy and even some Icelandic Sagas. The question is not why, but why not.

I have to say that sometimes Hemingway leaves me cold. Boring. I'd have gladly taken a copy of 'For Whom the Bell Tolls' and ground it into that dog shit. Every last page. Then I would've placed it back on the library shelf in that condition because that's the kind of book it is. Shitty.

I liked 'Billy Budd' well enough. All that symbolism can be tiresome when one is forced to write papers on it. It wasn't distain for the book that had me use it as a pooper scooper, it was just handy. I guess I figured the next poor school girl that had to read it wouldn't miss that page because they'd surely be using Cliff Notes.

You have my invitation to peruse my book collection anytime. I'll even let you borrow some first editions in exchange for some of your home grown salami. And that's not an innuendo.

Love always,
Germaine

I loved The Picture of Dorian Gray. There is a movie in the works for it, and I'm a bit dissatisfied with the fact that an extra, non-original character may be added to the script. That's one plot that needs to be left alone.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I don't know that there is a book that I would wipe my shitty shoes off with. I like books too much. No, I take that back, I despise harry potter and all his evildoings enough that not only would I wipe my shoes with it, but I'd also wipe my ass with it as well. No, correction again. I would disgrace my ass that way. Or my shoes. I'll stick to water.

Whenever something like that happens to me, I just wipe it off in the snow, or grass, or concrete, or floor, or whatever else is around.

Then as soon as I get home I throw my shoes in the washing machine.

Funny story... even though it doesn't involve dog poop. When I was a just wee little recruit in the army, a superior officer asked me to clean up the washroom, and so I did, because in the military, you have to obey the big guys' orders, no matter what they say.

Apparently some asshole who I'd still like the beat the crap out of to this day literally shit on the floor of the washroom as soon I'd finished cleaning it. The lieutenant who'd asked me to clean up in the first place ended up stepping in it as soon as he walked in, and boy, was he pissed. I lost a week's worth of time off for that.

How about, remove shoe, identify offending dog owner, insert shoe in said owner's ass.

Sounds like quite a gratifying way to teach them a lesson. To bad most of the time it's impossible to know who owns the offending dog.

Oooooh, after reading LBK's comment, I am so-o-o-o-o tempted to say that a Twilight comic would be ideal for wiping dog shit off shoe.

But I won't.
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The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

X2 on the twilight book...altough the twilight dvd would be alot easier to scrape the doo off your shoe.

Dear Poopsy McGee.....You should really join in the discussions we have back in the PR Forums. After you have been a member for a while and made a certain number of posts you could join us in the PR book club. We all just finished John Kennedy Toole's marvelous book, "A Confederacy of Dunces", since you are obviously a lover of literature you have probably read it. For a different reading experience than you have probably ever had, go to your local library and see if they have any books by the contemporary Japanese writer Haruki Murakami, he is like a cross between Franz Kafka and Woody Allen, you would love him. Sorry that I am retired and no longer cure my own meats or I would happily send you some.
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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Fuck! No meats! God damn.

I will join you in the book club. I've been meaning to get to the forums. I just finished a book by a Japanese author called 'The Dark Room'. It was okay. Thanks for the suggestion on Murakami.

Poopsy...Two more Japanese writers everyone should read are, Yukio Mishima and Yasunari Kawabata. Kawabata won the Nobel prize in literature and one of his most stunning books was 雪國 Yukiguni (Snow Country).

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

BM, the important thing is, even though you were tempted, you didn't say it.

Pick someone you hate and throw it at their window and hear it splat on the glass.

They'll have a lot of fun cleaning that shit up.

I once stepped in a pile so bad that I went to the car wash and let them use the power hose for hubcaps on the bottom of my sneaker. Yes, cursing all the way.

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Piece Out!
Crapola

I'm amazed that I've only stepped in it a few times, my friend's two pits go in the long grass we had to wade through a lot, and I have three currently at my house. Lotsa poo. Even when I'm buzzing about, raking it up, I seem to miss it. I think I have poo-dar.

I use the scraping on the ground method, then walk off the most of it. Once, I stepped in it so bad but if I washed it out I would be late for PT. So I cut out of PT early, went to the shoppette, bought a detailing brush set for cars, (nylon, not the metal wire kind) and scrubbed my grooves out. I couldn't rinse it because the air/water machine for your car was frozen. It was up IN there. Dayum.

Once, I was walking to class (a class that I was teaching) and about a block from the building I stepped in poop. I didn't have time to go home and get clean shoes. I cleaned 'em as best I could in the bathroom and hoped my students didn't notice a smell.
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lookin' for poop in all the wrong places...

Scoop it up, put it in a brown paper bag, put it by their front door, set it on fire, ring their doorbell, and run like hell.