I was hoping something along the lines of that dirty hippy guy flying around with the fart fire coming out of his ass would happen.Here it comes!_______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
Funny you should post this poll MMC, as it has happened to me......twice. All I can say it wasn't any way near as bad as when I let out a massive shart during a hurricane.
Strange that you should ask that Mrs. MC. It just happened to me yesterday and I had to hitch a ride back from Louisville, Kentucky. I wish I had been facing the other way, I haven't visited Alabama for a number of years.
_______Eat chilies and feel the burn!!
Chief, I think I saw you from my airline window yesterday. Do you have a big tatoo on your side that says "Goodyear" or something?
i chose other. i picture a pretty light show, kinda like the aurora borealis._______i love poop.
I never thought about it before, but now, when I'm out carrying my route and it's lightning nearby and I have to fart, I won't be able to. Thanks a lot, Mrs. MC
I would be saying my Hallelujahs because gawd, at the last moment, had decided against using my dick as a lightning rod._______Yo quiero Taco Bell.
I have had some farts that were certainly conductive... I shudder to think.
If I were sitting on the beach, I would make a pretty glass bowl.
prarie doggin said, "Chief, I think I saw you from my airline window yesterday. Do you have a big tatoo on your side that says "Goodyear" or something?"
Actually I got my tattoo during my military tour in Germany and it says 'Hindenburg', I live in fear of a more direct lightning strike.
Let's see... The clap of thunder would be drowned out by the fart. So the flaming kilt, and the smell of burning ball hair might be an indication that all is not well.
The mister came up with this poll actually. We were in the car during a thunderstorm and I let a loud one rip. We both laughed and he asked me what I thought would happen. My uncle got struck by lightening once, but sadly he was not farting at the time. Any volunteers to test out what would happen?_______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
I would like to volunteer MMC, but my doctor recently instructed me to keep all electrical shocks to my bung hole under 50,000 volts. I'm not a young man anymore you know.
Fart electrical testing is a young man's game PD. Where the hell is Mark E Mark and the Funky Bunch or Bananaman when you need them._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
Yeah, those rusty jumper cables left a bad welt on my cheerio last time. Took forever to heal.
Trust me, if that happened, there would be no need to buy a powerball ticket that day because there would be no luck !
this shit will evaporate and it will be foggy for a week or so if indoor
Last time this happened to me I got arrested for barbecueing an entire herd of cattle.
The picture I got reading this question is that I'm outside in the woods someplace having to poop during a thunderstorm. I'm squatting there, in the rain, getting wet (dangerous, yes?), and the preliminary fart comes roaring out. Just then, ZOT! Here comes the lightning, doubtless attracted by me and my incipient turd-drop. I'm wet, and my feet are touching the ground. If I live to tell about it, I recount how the rainwater on my body attracted the lightning and gave me a momentary glow from head to toe. There was a sensation of blinding heat, and the electric shock basically moved my bowels for me, shooting my poop in a glowing stack to the ground, thus effectively grounding the shock and saving my life.
All that being said, I can't imagine being outside and crapping in a thunderstorm.
The lightening would most likely kill you. Any flammable gasses would be sufficiently diluted by the ambient air that no anal conflagration would occur as a direct result.
Go ahead and admit it MSG. It's happened to you too. I'm convinced there are hundreds, if not thousands, of fart/lightning victims out there and they are hiding in shame due to the stigma of farting. This is Poop Report. Come out all of you and tell your stories. There's no need to be ashamed. You'll feel much better (well except maybe for your fried calamari ring).
I take my cue from our founding father Benjamin Franklin and always fart with pride. I imagine that a little garlic butter would ease the pain of a fried calamari ring.
I love fried calamari and normally douse it liberally with Tabasco, but in this case I think it wouldn't be a good idea.
PD.....Next time you are in an Asian market buy a bottle of Japanese Bulldog Brand Tonkatsu sauce. The Koreans love it also so you can probably find it in a Korean market. It is like a sweet and thick worcestershire and is delicious on calamari or pork cutlets. You will love it.
The Japanese have the best calamari and pork cutlet recipe in the world. I will post it in the forums.
I am an old man of his word....the recipe is in the forums!!
The folks in the surrounding counties would be warned "Do Not Look At The Flash Of Light!" _______You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....
My name is Mrs. Mad Crapper and I am a fart lighter. I have burnt the ass out of all my pants and have had to have skin transplants twice. Fart lighting has taken over my life and I find myself only eating foods I know will make me gassy. I have permanent lighter thumbitis and have burnt many a hole in my furniture. Thanks PD for making me admit I have a problem._______Earth, insane asylum for the universe.
Dear Mrs. MC......I also had severe lighter thumbitis, then I had a brilliant idea and had a pilot light installed in my ass. My thumb is now back to normal. For a spectacular display of green I eat mostly foods with a high copper content.
The lighning would travel up your arse and then you would become electrified. You could run the electricity for a household of four. _______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
Robocrap wrote: "The folks in the surrounding counties would be warned "Do Not Look At The Flash Of Light!" "
Correction: "Do not Look At The Ass Aflight!"
_______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
Chief: I have a friend who swears that iron-rich foods produce a bright red. He tried eating gun powder one time. The plan backfired. _______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
Bran Lover, you get a +1 in my book. _______You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....
You're right, Robocrap. Never given out so many plus 1's in a comment thread in a while!
Ahem! Anyway, elaborating on pnuttycorn's idea, it would really depend on the soil I was standing over. A blast from my ass furnace on a rhyolite ridge would bring about obsidian. If it was over volcanic ash, I might do one of those rainbow Christmas ornament things like they sell at Mount Saint Helens. And, of course, for a sedamentary surface, there is the metamorphic fart.
This has been your fart-lightning geology lesson of the day.
P.S. Thank you, pnutty, for warping my mind! _______I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!
I think that poo germs would travel up the lightning in a 1/10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 of a second and turn all the clouds and sky brown :)
Dear Poo Child....You obviously have poo for brains, you left a zero off your fraction.
Next time there's a severe thunderstorm nearby, I'm going to get good and drunk and then go outside and test this and see what really happens.
Wish me luck, and if I never post again, you'll know what really happens in this situation.
Postman, since lightning striking someones asshole is a very rare occurance, you need to increase the odds for your experiment. You'll need a kite, a long string and a key tied to the end of the string. The kite and the string will go into the sky, and need I tell you where the key will go? Good luck!
There certainly wouldn't be any hairs left ....
Good luck Posty!!! We'll miss you if you don't come back. If you do come back...
We will be wiser. We will send you out with something bigger than a key._______To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.
Thank you BL and PD.
Now, I just need to figure out what kind of alcohol to get fucked up on before I do this. Whiskey, vodka, rum, or lots and lots of beer.
Postman.....The preferred tipple of hillbillies is either moonshine, or bourbon. If you drink heavily of either one of these wonderful beverages you will achieve your goal and still be a good electricity conductor. For the gas I suggest a guart or two of kimchi.
Thanks Chief. It's sunny and hot right now where I'm at...no sign of any storm.
Maybe I'll try hooking up my jumper cables to my car's battery and the other end to my ass and see if I get the same effect.
Postman, while there will be a lot of smoke and sparking, jumper cables will not produce the voltages needed to cause a catastrophic butt lighting event. You'll probably just kill your battery and won't be able to drive yourself to the hospital.
Chief, can you do a rain dance for Postman? Do you know that extra little step that will bring the wind and lightning also?
I personally believe that nothing would happen outside of the usual cloud of malodorous gas. Let's not confuse electromagnetism with ignition. Two very different physical processes at work here. Both involve the dispersion of energy: one of chemically-induced heat and the other a rush of power between positively- and negatively-charged masses. Very different KINDS of energy.
Here's the kicker: If you could somehow induce a huge negative charge into a poop as it exits your ass, you could , in effect, become a lightning rod via the poop hanging from your shriveled bung! Might tend to ruin your day though, at the very least...
Anybody ever been hit by lightning in the posterior regions i.e. buttocks, anal cleft or other surrounding anatomical regions? I think most lightning strikes hit the head/shoulders as being nearest the sky. If you were stooped way over, ass in the air, during a thunderstorm, though, all bets are off!
----Captain Craptastic!!!
The lightening storm was here today. I missed my chance as I was working. I think if lightening struck next to my poops and me that we would become one black charred stinky stiff._______...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17
This would be a great experiment to try on Guatanamo bay....I am sure there would be lots of volunteers.
Lightening would shoot straight up through your asshole and out of your mouth,leaving you to fly rocketeer style as your mouth served as the main engine!
The Lightening would shoot straight up your asshole and out of your mouth would come FIRE.With your mouth now serving as a single self sustaining engine,you become the world's first human rocket-Now that's what I ca Biological Warfare!
I think that a portal would open behind you, depending on your weight. I think I should quote Slipknot on this- "All Hope Is Gone."
The Poop Business Card HolderDon't let your boss see it...
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