it's not that odd, i guess, but a couple weeks ago i was pooping at work and decide to play a game on my nice new touch-screen phone. it fell in the toilet and i had to fish it out! i'm just gonna have to go back to being bored on the toilet, i guess.
_______
i love poop.

When I was younger I always took a beer or two with me to the crapper, my wife thought it was disgusting. I had a friend who drank quite a bit and had a small library of the collected works of De Sade on a shelf within reach of the commode. His drink of choice while pooping was a huge rum and coke. He would shit, read, and swig all at the same time.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

There are few things odder and nastier than my shits (especially after I've been in the chili with habaneros), so I chose other.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Years ago I worked in a small factory that had just me and another guy on the third shift. My girlfriend used to come and visit me, bring me my lunch and so forth.

One night, I felt the urge to take my crap while she was there, so I invited her in to visit with me while I did my business.

I must not have grossed her out too much, because she married me later. Nothing brings true lovers together like the act of shitting.

Posty, did you propose marriage in a crapper too?

Please tell me you washed your hands before you went back to work. What were you making at that factory? What did you have for lunch? Yes, I have to ask, did you do the nasty in there after you crapped??? Huh? huh??!!

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

I re-laced my softball glove once, while in a porta potty at a weekend tournament.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Well, Bran Lover, we didn't do it afterwords, but that's just because the farting and plopping sounds killed the mood.

It was a recreational vehicle supplier, so I didn't have to wash my hands.

Lunch was probably a cheeseburger and a Budweiser.

I didn't propose in the crapper, that would be just plain nasty.

I have never done this, but I had a roommate in college who enjoyed the occasional grumpkin. For those of you fortunate enough to NOT know what a grumpkin is I will tell you. Look away if you want to remain pure.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A grumpkin is when one gets felatio while pooping.
.
.
.
.
I told you to look away.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

I laughed out loud at Brannie comment and my stomach turned on the comment I should have looked away from. I am one that didn't know what a grumpkin is.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I have flossed, filed my nails, chatted on the phone, whatever. I find that if I don't concentrate, things tend to just move right along.
Brannie,I thought it was a lumpkin, but that was some viral clip with some kids askin their gramma if she "ranted a rumpkin". She thought it was pastry of some kind.

well look away again if you want to keep the purity you may have left..

i've given a grumpkin

besides that, what i have done myself is... well... it was a constipated moment... and things needed a little help to come out... i reached back to take things out with my own hands...
desperate (painfully desperate) times called for such desperate measures.

Several years ago I went to a mall food court for lunch, and for a while my poop urge would kick in about that time. Rather than leave my lunch at the table and hope it would still be there when I got back, I took what was left of it along, sat on the pot, ate, and discharged my load at the same time. It worked, though I was not fond of the combination.

Hey niner, I think its called a Blumpkin. Heard it on Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantonimo._______
Look out for Number 1, but don't step in Number2

I voted for other, because I've done everything on the list except take in a fishing pole.

I voted other, because i pet the cat and I have eaten, once, when in a rush for work.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Spoke with my ex, the shit head. Figured it was kind of ironic.

I always go in with a fishing pole. There's nothing worse than finding you don't have sufficient tp while in mid-shit. After a few casts in the right direction, I can usually reel in a fresh roll, or at the very least, my bed sheet.

What's it called when the fellator is the one who is shitting?
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Help for IBS

Oh and the other one is blumpkin.

Ok, now I'm a bit worried. My good friend the Chief has been referred to as a country blumpkin in the past. Or something like that.

I usually just call my friends and chat while im on the can.

I choose to stay pure. I don't want to know.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I have done all those things as well as file my taxes, pot some plants, write out my personal rantings, send derogatory emails to the headquarters of Walmart, played fetch with the dog, helped the kids with homework, washed my hair, built a birdhouse. Hell why ever leave the toilet? it just wastes time getting back to it when you need it.Thats why we all need a mobile toilet on wheels so we can shit anywhere at anytime.

Oh and who the hell would want their face that close to the shitting action as to agree to blow someone while they are shitting? I can't even be in the same room with the mister cause his shit smells so bad. Wouldn't that be considered homicide if his shit stink killed the lady? Why risk it.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Mrs. MC, interesting about building a birdhouse while on the shitter. My wife won't let me take power tools into the bathroom. All I've ever built on the toilet is a pile of logs.

I doubt that MrMC's shit smells any worse than your stinky morning breath._______
Look out for Number 1, but don't step in Number2

Dildo, how do you know about Miss C.'s morning breath? Huuuh...hmmm?
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

(SP, cover your ears)....I wonder if it is still called a blumpkin if the man is orally pleasing the woman as she hangs a rat? Talk about getting close to the shitting action.

Excuse me I just made myself ill.

During school, I found it appropriate to read about gastrointestinal diseases and pathology while letting go of a poop.

All of our favorite topics explained in great detail: Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Crohn's Disease, Diverticulitis, Rectal Prolapse (rectum shit out of the body inside out and hanging there), Bacterial Gastroenteritis (Travelers' Shits), Small Bowel Obstruction, Volvulus (a twisting-around/pinching-off of the bowel), Rectal Cancer.

Made me truly appreciate a nice, healthy, solid log ("ain't ya' glad you don't have [X]? OOOH, that's a really fucked-up picture!!!"). The Medical-Surgical and Pathophysiology texts were the best, lots of photos!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

prarie doggin said; "Ok, now I'm a bit worried. My good friend the Chief has been referred to as a country blumpkin in the past. Or something like that."

Actually PD since I am a hefty hillbilly I have been referred to as a 'country plumpkin'.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Pumping out a shit while talking to my mom on the phone. My girlfriend used to take shits with the door open and have a conversation going with me. I was kinda shocked the first time a walked into the doorway to chat and saw she was wiping her ass. Sheez. Never quite got used to it, but what the hell?

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

I never do it, but when my sister drops a plonkie, she sings very loudly but when she takes breaths in between, you hear things happening.

I once called into the bathroom to ask my daughter what kind of salad dressing she wanted on her salad. She must have been
mid-crunch, as her answer was RRRAAAANNNCCCHH.
She is still teased about it to this day.

PD, regarding your post about "getting close to the shitting action". I've long wondered why God put the snack bar so close to the outhouse.

He obviously is a woman.

What the shit Dildo?! How in the hell did I get dragged into this?! Oh and thanks a lot PD I think I may never enjoy anything associated with oral fixations ever again.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Cunnilingus, I think, doesn't include pinching a loaf by the recipient.. You are just so gross gross gross Prairie Dog. You ruined cunni lingus for all.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I think I'm going to eat a couple of hotdogs for supper. Now gross out on that!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

My aplogies ma'am. Every now and again I act up and be a hugh jassole._______
Look out for Number 1, but don't step in Number2

Prarie Doggin is a cunning linguist alright. And sittingpretty, speak for yourself. I'm still fine with cunning linguists. The only thing that ruins that is when it's not done right. And Prarie Doggin is obviously a master at his craft.

Now, the oddest thing I've ever done on the shitter is pet my Tina, who is, for the record, the cutest cat ever. Whenever I take a seat, Tina moseys over with a little meow.

Thanks Poopsie. I would like your permission to use the words cunning linguist on my next job resume. That is the correct spelling? I wouldn't want to ruin my job chances with a spelling mistake.

I don't know Poosy. Daphne's cat is very pretty. And my cat is the cutist ever and ever forever. My cat comes in the bathroom with me and has to be petted, hugged and get a tail pull. All for my poop. If i don't poop she thinks something is wrong. Something IS wrong.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

You know, I'm not real sure the head honchos at the Dairy Queen in Hoboken are going to get twisted up over a misspell on your resume. Wow them with your oral skills, Prarie.

PD....Be careful with that resume if you apply for a job at a hot dog palace!

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Well, the wierdest thing iv ever done while take a shit was probably shoot up t400..(Steroids)..for some reason testosterone injections hurt less when you blow a little ass. But try being busted taking a shit and injecting when your girlfriend walks in...what do you do!? Pull the needle and abort the injection..or cut the turd halfway...its quite a problem..but I managed to finish both...it was awsome!! And for those who are complaining about stinky asses and nasty smells post wipe...wipe properly..damnit is it that hard!?

Eating at the Y would be, well, pretty near impossible when the woman is en flagrante defecato. What I originally meant was, if a man receiving head while on the crapper is a blumpkin, then what's it called when a man receives head from someone who is shitting?
--OR--
What's it called when a person is gobbling the knob and growing a tail at the same time?

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Help for IBS

IBS, I think what your referring to might come under the heading of glory holes and/or NJ Turnpike.

Agh agh agh. I am so grossed out. Can't we talk about something else.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

To be honest, I've jacked off while taking a shit a few times. Feels good emptying both ways.

Agh! I want to talk about something else! Goss gross gross. B R A N N I E!!!! I need you to come change the subject, here, on this thread. I don't like this one.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

The cat comes in sometimes to be petted. Weird psycho cat. Dang thing hates me and hisses most of the time but has moments where he won't leave me alone unless I pet him. Before I joined the Navy I used to shoot rabbits from the crapper. My Grandma wanted help getting the rabbits out of the garden; they were tearing up the lettuce, carrots, and such. She bought a pellet gun (a damn good one too) and put it in the shithouse specifically for me to do her bidding while I was a-shitting. In the morning after a cup of coffee, I'd get on the throne, work up an opening salvo (load the pellet gun too) and shoot a rabbit through the window between number two shots. After I was finished shitting, I'd finish Grandma's bidding by disposing of the rabbit.
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Now that's what a men's room is supposed to smell like!

I'm sorry SP, but sometimes these threads take on a life of their own, and we are powerless to stop them until they exhaust themselves, or we all become nauseaus. I would suggest another topic, but it would have to be even more gross or I would be drummed out of here. I suggest you close your eyes, put your little fingers in your ears and hum a Pat Boone song. I'll try to let you know when the carnage is over sis.

PD, You're right about theses threads. Maybe our R & D department here at DTI can come up with a way to keep these topics, well, on topic.

I just asked my technicians if eitherone knew what a grumpkin is. Neither one knew. One didn't even know what falatio is. Once they clearly understood what i was trying to tell them what a grumpkin is they both hooped and hollered, gross, that is so disgusting. See. I am not the only one that thinks this topic is gross.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Postman, we have actually come up with a solution that will stop derails and thread hijacking. The method is insidious, embarrassing and painful to the perpetrator. The reason we haven't implemented this solution yet is....well...I don't handle pain very well.

I think most of the shit we derail about on here is gross but it's just to damn tempting to one up the gross factor with you guys that I just can't help myself sometimes.
Oh and I checked it out on urban dictionary and grumpkin is getting a blow while shitting, Blumpkin is the same thing, a dumpkin is while the dude stands and gets blowed while the lady sits and shits and Dumpilingus is when a chick gets the oral while she is shitting. So there I solved the mysteries for everyone.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

I think some of you folks are confusing blumpkin with bumpkin. Blumpkin/Grumpkin goes with oral on the pooper.... BUMPKIN is in reference to a cute country girl, ie. COUNTRY BUMPKIN.

Thank you, Mrs. MC. Now I know exactly what to ask for.

SP, I am sorry for starting such a horrible discussion. What is to be expected when the topic is grossest thing while taking a shit. Gross stuff comes up.
MMC, I think you officially ended that thread though.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

MMC the official disgusting discussion closer...hey I like the ring to that. Maybe the Thunderbutt/Doggin Institue has an opening for someone with my "special" skills.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

I agree there Niner. The title forced the issue and it had to be dealt with no matter how painful.

MMC, without any further discussion, you're hired. Please advise salary and benefit requirements. Your white lab coat is in the mail.

All right, we now have 4 employees. Only five more and we'll have enough for a company softball team.

Mrs. MC......PD and Postman have apologized for the stains that you will find on you white lab coat.

Prof. Buttstein

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If we get the softball team together I call short stop so I can trip everyone that runs past me. I appreciate the opportunity to be a part of an Institute that won't keep me away from the things I love, the sharp, pointy, shiny things I love.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Since I'm available, can play any and every position, and hit the ball 320 feet, I'd like to apply for the A/R position, I have guns, knives, whips, assorted more "unique" implements of tortu...uh...collection, and am very enthusiastic in my work.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I'll play right field....I can stand out there and guard the keg.

Bilge......If I can get Prof. Dogginstein away from his hobby of staining lab coats I feel sure he will agree to hiring you if you bring along your tortur......err....tool collection.
You guys probably won't want me on the team because I am a bad sport and poor loser.

Buttstein

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I too, am a sore loser, but I make up for it by being an even worse winner.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

When did they invent S&M softball?
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

The S&M part is the job, honey, the softball is just exercise.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

S&M: Shit and massage?

PS, SP, sorry I could not come to your aid earlier in the thread. I was busy getting a grumpyilicious, or something like that. or was I giving? not sure. will get back to you on that.

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

It occured to me after I typed that that maybe that was what you meant but I just wanted everyone to ponder S&M softball.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

I do that for fun, not exercise, or pay.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Bilge, I'm not authorized to do any hiring for DTI, but I'll give a glowing recommendation to PD and Chief on your behalf.

After we get the softball team put together, maybe we can start looking at places like Vegas or New York City to hold our annual conventions.

I want to be water girl/cheer leader! Can I go to Vegas too then?

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Of course you can, Brannie.

Except your official title will be beer girl/cheerleader.

Nasty. Just plain nasty. Some help you are Bran muffart. I want be the pitcher!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Ok, Bilge since you can hit 320 feet, you can be.....ermm...cleanup. Sittingpretty, you can be pitcher, if you can limit your bathroom breaks to between innings. Bran you are ok for the bourb...er water girl duties. I'm going to try and recruit Daphne for catcher. She may not like the position, but God forbid if anyone tries to steal home. Chief, in honor of your seniority and dedication to the Institute, you may be in charge of recruiting and managing the cheerleaders. I will take on the daunting task of setting up our winter training camp in the Bahamas.

So, we need a team name, some cheers and a mascot.

How about a dung beetle for a mascot?

I might need some time to think of a team name and cheers, so why don't I retire to my private office with the soft cushioned seat and see if I can come up with some good ones?

To the Batroom!

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

We need some corporate sponsors too.

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Metamucil, Fiber One, Ex-Lax......

I'm taking orders...who wants a beer?

(Just trying to prove how good I can be. I want to be head cheer leader. Chief, you are the best. *blink blink* :)

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

You really think you have to ask?

I'll have an iced tea, please, and if you're really looking to be "head" cheerleader....
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I will be peepin......er......looking into the dossiers of perspective cheerleaders!!

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

oh yeah, if Daphne's catching, I wanna be pitching.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Ok, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that use of our winter training camp is on hold due to scheduling problems with the Bahamian government. It seems other S&M softball teams have reserved the prime dates. The good news is that my friends in northern Alaska have graciously offered their whale butchering grounds that they will be finished with in early January. BL, you may need to double up on the bourbon supplies. Chief, warn the cheerleaders that it may be a little nipply out. I mean nippy. Bilge, you may just go into temperature shock, but Sittingpretty said she knows a little bit about first aid and will be glad to give you mouth to mouth if your feet get frostbitten. Postman, don't worry. It doesn't rain.

How about the Wise Asses? We can have a huge ass with arms and legs for a mascot, his signature move will be flipping people off.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

.....wow.

I read the title of the poll, and thought of something I used to do as a little kid.
It wasn't gross.
It wasn't unhygienic.
It didn't require another person.
It was just... odd.
But I thought it was funny.
But its so tame compared to some of the things mentioned on this thread, that it hardly seems worth mentioning now...
I would float the drawer of a matchbox in the water, then stand on the seat, and try to bomb it, all the while muttering Air Force commands to myself.
...aah, the innocence of childhood.
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The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

"Bilge, you may just go into temperature shock, but Sittingpretty said she knows a little bit about first aid and will be glad to give you mouth to mouth if your feet get frostbitten."

Does Bilge have some sort of deformity that sets his mouth really near his feet? (No wonder he uses cats to wipe!)

I have gotten the folks down at the laudrymat to tell me where the local still is located. We will be swimming in bourbon for cheap! I cannot be responsible for dissentary. You must sign waivers.

GoooOOOO S&M Poopers! (swishitty swishitty swish!)

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

BM, I used to do something similar, only I used my sisters Barbie doll. I wasn't allowed to play with matches.

What a small world I'm not allowed to use bleach, lighter fluid or super glue.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

wow MMC, I wanna play with you! You sound like you had some quality fun!

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

It was mostly "accidental" fun. At least that's what I told my mom.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

I'm not allowed to use a propane barbie q grill. My mudda is afraid I will blow myself and the neighborhood up! And Peeping pump can be second string pitcher. I'm first string pitcher.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Hmmm, I was going to offer to be the pitcher with the claim that I throw a mean knuckle ball. Then I found that this was an S&M softball team and realized that the phrase "mean knuckl ball" may have a whole different meaning. Then I imagined what that meaning may entail. I think I will now change my offer from starting pitcher to closer. I have a pretty nasty slider that should do the trick in late innings.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

BL, are you good at beaning their best batters with that slider? SP, I'm not sure I want to know about any stringy things when it comes to Bilge, but I do like the first pitch of a game to be a Charmin pitch. Sorta sets the tone. Can you deliver one?

Oh, yeah! I call it the Mr. Wimple.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I have a specialty pitch as well...you've heard of a spit ball? USe your imagination...

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

So that isn't rosin you're rubbing on to the ball?

WOW! 100 posts. Great poll there BL. (even though we are nowhere near the subject)

I like the idea of a huge asshole for a mascot. I think we all know who is qualified...our boy Hugh._______
Look out for Number 1, but don't step in Number2

I like to fry up a nice cornish game hen and get my blump on. The poo stink and the greasy hen stink create an irresistible aroma.

My favorite blumpkin shirt:
It's Blumpkin Time! http://www.annarbortshirtcompany.com/store/product/blumpkintime

Let's serve shit on a stick at the games!
(We can throw em at the opposing team.) Would these recycled beans help in sliding???

PS, I called my banker while defecating. These two activities go together quite well, I must say.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Full pedicure with green and purple french tips.

OhDeToilet, did you give the pedicure to yourself or did someone help you?
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Maybe Barney helped her.

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

I once saw Barney giving Kermit and Pappa Smurf a blumpkin. I thought I was having a flashback.

Mr. Pump, I digress on the pitching. My bathroom breaks are too frequent. I will have to be the Head Cheerleader and share the water-girl job with the Bran muffart. Ibr>_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I was having an issue will my cell phone yesterday and had to call my wireless carrier. The only free time I had was while on the pot. When I finished the call I recognized the interconnectedness of it all. My physical act was a representation of my providers service.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

And in all actuality Nine Inch, the representative you were speaking to probably had his/her finger up their ass. It's the circle of life.

Circle of Ass
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Myself. In my younger days, marginally younger, mind you, I'm 21, I was a gymnast and ballet dancer, which leaves one with significant flexibility. Add in the fact that when your roommate is your sister, there's little privacy. Bathroom time is sacred and thus a good time to do multiple varieties of business at a time.

I once used my finger to fish out dry pieces of shit out of my asshole,it took an hour to my finger to smell normal afterwards.

ODT, feel free to write about those "multiple varieties of business" here at PR. Uh....our Chief....uh likes those stories. *drool*

ODT sounds pretty versatile. I think there's a place for her here at DTI. What do you think, PD?

What ho chaps... it's been a while...

Anyway, I've read the above comments with interest. I've done all these options, although I regularly eat while having a dump. I know sometimes that I'm going to be there for a while, reading a good book while pumping out the gutpaste, getting up when I could no longer feel my legs. I might munch a bag of Doritos (Cool Original flavour of course) or perhaps a sandwich, but once you've done it once or twice, you begin to think nothing or eating while shitting. I've eaten takeout food on the crapper regularly, usually three-parts-tight, and have regularly gone into McDonalds for a McShit and eaten fries while unloading.

At the Glastonbury festival last month, my chums and I invented a rather jolly cocktail involving Pimms, Vodka and Red Bull (which we dubbed The SW19). After imbibing a foolish amount of this extraordinarily moreish concoction and staggering through the mud for half an hour or so, I was faced with the dual dilemma of needing both food and a total evacuation of my bowels. They churned and gurgled as the pressure built rapidly. The nearest toilets were perhaps 5 minutes walk away and although I estimated maybe ten minutes of strength in my guts to hold it all in while waddling towards the bogs, coupled with that I may have had to queue, panic was beginning to set in. It made the need to get to the bomb-bay a desperate one indeed. But conflicting with this was a similar instinct, familiar to all whose alcoholic intake has been excessive: the desperate desire to eat something. Anything. A primal, unquenchable desire to satisfy the most distressing of stomach pangs by any means necessary. The temporary nauseous feeling of uncontrollable ravenous hunger made me apoplectic with starvation and in my befuddled state, I could not concentrate on what I needed most. Aye, it's a terrible thing, drink.

I clenched my cheeks and then saw it: that stalwart of the English Friday night, the donner kebab. I could see the toilets ahead of me and as luck would have it there was no queue at all for the kebab, so I bawled for one quick-as-he-could, slammed my money down, squirted garlic and chili sauce over it (as one should) and virtually buried my face in it while holding my arse in. As I approached the toilet queue with a desperate stagger, dropping bits of salad and meat everywhere, the queue was about 8 or 9 people deep but as I stood there munching (despite the sewage stink wafting towards us) about 3 of the doors opened together and I did the unforgivable thing (for an Englishman) by jumping the queue, ignoring the shouts and protests as I sped towards the empty stall, holding my kebab with one hand and trying to unbuckle my belt with the other. Despite it's shit strewn state and cold wet pissy seat, I neglected my usual hygiene procedures and sat straight down, letting my bowels explode a hot spicy spurt of semi-solid scat into the already fetid mass beneath me, with a sigh bordering on the orgasmic. I sat there with my arse quivering, realising that the hand holding my kebab was relatively clean (well it hadn't touched the surfaces inside) and I therefore put it on my lap, using my 'clean' hand to shovel bits of kebab and pitta bread into my mouth. I felt right as rain when I finally left that toilet about 10 minutes later. Certainly the disorienting panic had gone and I was subsequently together enough to wash my hands thoroughly afterwards, but I felt quite proud of myself for lowering my standards enough to eat my dinner while sitting on a rock festival toilet.

I have been, er, 'pleasured' while sitting on the throne too. She actually did it without prompting too, which was surprising, but she never repeated the experience.

ES, where have you been, man? Welcome back.

Scummy...The image of the prim and proper English gentleman has been forever erased from my mind. You sir, are as uncouth as we colonial hillbillies....thank God!! It is great to be able to once again enjoy your very great rhetoric, which is one of the three ancient arts of discourse. Come back as often as you can find time.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Postman sorry for the delay, I seem to have worn out the scroll wheel on my mouse getting down here. I think your idea about ODT is great, but the budget is quite tight right now. Perhaps she would entertain an intern position for the hot summer months. There is no pay, but all the leering glances are included.

BTW ES, WELCOME BACK!!!!!

I'd be very happy to take her under my wing, so to speak. I'll even mentor her on my off hours, too.

Still the Windbag...glad you came back, Scummy!!!
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Girls mentor girls and boys mentor boys at DTI, it's policy. Yes! We have a policy!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I just puked up a bit of Frosted Flakes after that story Scummy. Being a germaphobe I couldn't imagine actually eatting inside one of those godawful porta shitters. *dry heaves*
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

It was August 16, 1997, the 20 year anniversary of Elvis Presley's death. In memory of the King, I dropped a healthy toilet bomb while eating a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich (his favorite snack).