And poop is no different. Here are a couple of examples readers have sent in as to how they prop
up their own shaky egos by being mean to complete strangers.
In high school, we used to get an empty pizza box and someone would take a chucky cheese in it. Then we would drive down Main Street on a Friday or Saturday night, pull up to another car, say we couldn't finish the pizza, and ask if they wanted the rest. Of course most people said sure. Hahaha. Surprise!
----- Posted 5.9.02001 by P.J.
If you really have to get back at someone, try this poop prank. (It was done to me during my senior year in college) Take a large oven-proof dish (in my case, it was a hub cap) and have two or three friends defecate on the dish. Set your oven to about 500 degrees. Place the poop-laden dish in the oven and run. To add to the effect, close all the windows and turn the heat up to 85 degrees. When the victim returns, he/she will encounter a smell they won't soon forget!
----- Posted 5.9.02001 by Erik [1]
Elementary, my dear Watson. It's very simple. Carefully pee into a shallow
frisbee. Put the full frisbee in your freezer. Once you have a nice frozen pee pancake, simply
remove it from the frisbee and slide it under your enemy's door. Make sure you time it to allow for a
few good melting hours. Then this poor schlub will return home to discover a mess on his floor and no
possible culprit. The perfect crime!
This really upset the little girls when they filled the bottom of their shoe with poo. Sometimes
we would make a pile of dog poop that was about a foot high, and place it right in the middle of the
sidewalk by our post. Then we would stick money (small coins) on the top and see who would grab it.
She became very upset thinking she had somehow droped her cigs in "dirt." It would have been a
flawless victory except the fact that the nicotine caused serious burning to my poor lil' asshole...
but that I guess was better than smoking turd cigs!
I let her in and she smacked me in the head... yet I refrained, knowing that justice would prevail as soon as she wiped from her morning poo!!!!
Right before I left for school, about 15 minutes later, I heard my sister scream. My mom ran in to see what was wrong and before i could flinch, I heard: "ROB GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!"
She continued to beat my ass and I was late for school AND I got a detention for it. We went into the bathroom and each of us took a dump and then wiped our butt. We kept the paaper with the turd on it. We then went back out side and walked around the park, sticking our paper to diffent things -- like the snow cone stand, some of the rides, and my favorite: the front of one of the bummpercars.
When someone has to take "the beast," have them do it in a plastic bag, ziplock preferably... your choice. After he's finished, gather a few good buddies and start your game. Grab a paper towl, or a dish towel (it's not your house) and randomly hide turds throughout the entire house... preferably the fridge... toaster... under the couch... in the microwave set for 15 minutes...
It works like a charm. When someone takes the "fudge," make an excuse and get outta there before they figure out what it really is. A couple of years later, Jacob poo-ed in the bathtub and said I did it. He was about 3
and this time I was the innocent "party pooper"...
Well, in the city, a lot of people have dogs and they do not pick up after them as
much as they should. Well, for once that nasty habit was in our favor because we
decided to get revenge on this asshole. My friend happened to own a large
Chow dog who could make some mean turds when he wanted to. So we collected a nice
cup o' turds and did a drive by...
Mind you, it was summertime when this happened, so the turds we tossed into the front of his car were nice and hot! And now that I think about it, I remember his car's interior was covered in that velour/felt type material -- so I bet those turds made great stains! Jerk!
One night my friend took a big crap in a grocery bag, and decided to take a walk
downtown in the middle of the night -- with a guy who would do anything you
wanted, if you pressured him. We walked past the post office and told him to pour the
runny poop into the public mail box.
So we stood on the other side of the street
yelling, "RUN, HURRY, DUMP THE POOP" and he runs back after dumping the crap like "will you
guys shut up?" To this day I wish I could have been there the next morning to see the
mailman's face.
Later that week, we raided the public restrooms and various other places trying to get this guy busted.
Yep, if you're wondering, I am dumb and extremely bored.
Later, a couple of years down the road, we told her exactly what we did. And then she confessed that she actually tried to
play her trumpet and immediatly smelled the crap and played it off like something
was wrong with it, and put it away. She also said she could smell poo all day because of
her coat.
It was at this point that I
realised that the air vent was lose. The covers on the air vents of cars are simply
pushed in by the
man at the factory -- therefore, they can be simply pulled out as well (especially
in older cars).
When we got back to his house I noticed that there was a large
dog crap on his front lawn, so while he was inside I picked it up in a bag and slid
it down the air vent and grabbed the photo.
Two days later this guy got a visit from my brother...
Some other
kids went in and came out screaming. The janitor came, seen the large dropping
and began cursing out some students. The janitor went to his closet, and some boys
ran back into the bathroom, my dad followed. The janitor returned with big
gloves, and tried to pick up the poopie, as he did it sorta exploded/fell apart in his
hands and went all over him, after that he has no clue what happened. He left the
bathroom laughing.
She then sat down on my bed near my computer and I kept on reading this site, then she started to laugh, she was reading the screen over my shoulder and decided that she would make a mean trick herself... she quietly lifted her skirt and opened the end of my pillow-case and did a huge crap in it.
I didn't notice at the time because she farted loudly so I thought the smell was from that, later that night after everyone left, I went to bed and put my head right on the crap she had left inside my pillow-case. I was almost sick. I would love to catch up with her and come up with a good payback.
Then the fun began....
I carried a gallon size ziploc bag filled with a special concoction of synthesized shit. I don't remember the exact recipe because I usually made it when I was high. But it included hersheys syrup, corn starch (thickening agent), and oatmeal.
When I was in the bathroom, I'd splash it all over the back of the toilet and under the seat. After hiding out in the john for about 15 minutes I'd reappear for my hosts and I'd wax poetic about my bowel bomb with comments like, "I wouldn't go in there if I were you!"
I would then announce that I had to be somewhere in ten minutes and I'd quickly leave. I made a lot of enemies but I think chicks dig it.
This was a favorite to do at college when we felt we hadn't been treated right at a party. During the course of the evening perform the upper decker. Instructions:
Takes a few days for the poor bastards to figure out what is going on...
We would sometimes watch out the window as they encountered the mess, it was great. All those shit eating flies swarming around our turds on a hot summer morning... what an after breakfast treat !! I think that one summer we hit every neighbor on the street that we hated.
One night he wipped his ass with the sign and put it back on the wall for everyone to see the next day. Everyone freaked out about it.
A few days later I got a call in the middle of the night. It was my friend and he wanted to know if it was ok that he shit in the sink (which we had laughed about doing before). Since I didn't want too many problems I told him to take it out of the sink and do something else with it. He removed the sign from the wall and slipped it under he shit and placed it on top of the trash can. Fred, the landlord, was so pissed about this that he called the police. Then Fred told us that they were saving the shit as evidence and would doing DNA tests.
My favorite was when she would have her friend with the huge dog save the
turds in a bucket for about 3 weeks. Then she would round up about 6 of her friends
on a really hot summer day and they would all dig their old purses out of their
closets. They would procede to fill all the purses with dog poop. Then they would
take one purse at a time an put it in the phone booth right in front of our house.
It never failed someone would drive by within minutes and circle back to pick up
their "lucky find". My Mom and her group
would then run out of the house as the lucky person drove off and
watch the purse fly out the car window... but oddly enough some people actually returned
it to the booth!!!
First drill a hole in one bar, as big as you can get
it without deforming the bar. Fill the hole with crap -- dog, cat, human,
any kind any crap -- then use the second bar to build a plug to cover the
exterior of the hole you drilled. Use small quantities
of water and soap shavings (use a grater) to hide the plug.
As the
soap is used the poop will leak out as the user lets out a few screams.
For further fun, open the package carefully, repack when done
and put it in the soap shelf at the supermarket.
The next day, they were all changing and found some nasty surprises waiting for
them...
As I did the green apple shuffle down the alley, the dog
came to the fence and startled the hell out of me with his wolf howls. I nearly
voided myself. I dropped my rigging, pressed my ass
against the chain-link fence and KA-BLAMM!! Right into his fuzzy face.
I haven't seen him since. Course now maybe he can't see.
He placed the faux-turd on the seat and called in a crowd to see what some
sicko had done. After a decent crowd gathered he set up the real prank. He got on the
subject of poop eating and somehow got someone to bet him he wouldn't take a bite out
of it. He then grabbed the log and took a bite off the top where it hadn't
touched the seat. There was a mad stampede to get the hell out of the bathroom as
people were ready to blow chunks all over the bathroom.
He let us in on the joke soon
afterwards. This led to another drunken incident later that year when he was
heard hysterically laughing in the stall. When a small crowd gathered to find out what was
happening, he threw the stall door open and pointed to a turd laying half way on the
seat and hanging down the outer side of the bowl... he was standing on the seat
with skivvies around his shins screaming, "I missed!" He was great fun my freshman year of college.
When my friend has his birthday parties we all stay out ALL night, but sometimes
we are starved for ideas of things to do. Well, having a cow pie on hand, we
went down to the "shitty" park and proceeded to place the dupe at the end of a
slide. Needless to say that the next victim to go down would recieve a pretty nasty
surprise!
The next day she was absent... and my friend (to whom she was acquainted)
asked why she was absent. She exclaimed she was sick all night and couldn't
sleep... so i guess we got the shits of her...
Having done my business, I then crammed an
orange I found in my teachers classroom into the toilet over my masterpiece. I
then crumpled up a few sheets over toilet paper and laid it over top of it, and
locked all of the doors except for that bathroom and waited outside the door.
Suddenly some young bitch at my school sauntered in and did her business and I then
heard her flush the toilet. Instead of flushing the toilet bowl exploded from
the presssure of the orange being in there. The girl was then showered in my glory
and ran screaming out of there, it was the funniest thing I had ever seen in my
life. It splattered all over the walls and they had to close that bathroom for a
week.
We took it upon ourselves to re-right the wrong done. First it
started with the smearing of smelly bananas into the carpets, on the ceiling. Then it
quickly escallated when we had found the rotten tuna in the fridge. I have never
laughed so hard with a demented grin as we proceeded to throw the tuna down heat
vents as well as pinching loofers and peeing in heat vents and on carpets. The
effect left an effervescence.
**** UPDATE ****
As I expected, humanity -- in all its crapulence, in all its schadenfreude -- has responded
to the concept of being mean with poop. Here are a few more stories submitted by the very people who
are preventing mankind from ever reaching utopia:
When I was in college, the guy that shared the same bathroom with me (another dorm room, same
bathroom) in my dorm broke into my room and stole some of my stuff. So, I laid a Hershey Kiss on a
piece of paper and got some chicken liver and mixed it all up. Why did I choose that combo? I was
drunk. Anyway, I broke into his room and placed the concoction up inside the removable tiles on the
ceiling and waited. It took about 4 days before the stench filled his room. He came to me and asked if
I could smell anything. I said no. Then for the next week he was burning incense and spraying lysol
all day in his room. After I while I broke into his room again when he was gone to take a look at my
masterpiece. It was the ugliest thing I had ever seen. It was just a black blob with white spots of
mold on it and there were black hairy things growing out of it. It kind of looked like a turd
chia-pet. I put I back and he moved out of the dorms the following week. He never knew what it was.
----- Posted 5.11.02001 by P.J.
Last year I was in eight grade and there was this kid that would eat any food, so we took some
french fries from our lunch trays and went to the restroom. We dipped the fries in the urinals and
wiped them on the crapper and then walked out acting natural. Five minutes later we asked him if he
wanted them and sure enough he said yes. He ate the fries and then on his last one he noticed a brown
spot on it and screamed like a little girl. The next day he didn't come to school.
----- Posted 5.11.02001 by Brian [2].
**** UPDATE 5.21.02001 ****
A couple more for your sick pleasure:
When at a big apartment party, go in somebody's restroom, remove the lid from the tank of the
toilet (you know, where the float thing is), and deposit a huge dump in the tank. This is best done
near the end of the party, preferably to someone you don't like.
----- Posted 5.21.02001 by Frank.
I think it was a Sherlock Holmes story where a man was found dead in a locked room, where no
one could get in or out. The mystery was: how did the killer get in, kill the guy, and get out?
In a similar vein, imagine peeing on the floor of someone's room without actually
being in the room! Imagine your hapless victim coming home, unlocking his door, and discovering a big
pee puddle. But the door was locked! How...?
----- Posted 5.21.02001 by Dave. Idea pilfered
from this article [3] by Joe.
When I was in 4th grade, my best friend and I were crossing guards. He and I had a post to
ourselves about 400 yards from the school. We would collect dog poop and put it in the paths where
kids would have to step in it if they weren't watching.
----- Posted 5.23.02001 by Robert.
**** UPDATE 5.29.02001 ****
And they keep on coming...:
When i was 17 I hated this girl who used to come over our house, she was loud and rude and
smoked some nasty Winston cigs. When she wasn't looking I grabbed 3 cigs out of her pack and snuck to
the bathroom and took eack filter end and placed it about a 1/4 inch up my asshole. When I was done
there was a large amount of brown on it which I wiped off. The smell still remained though.
----- Posted 5.29.02001 by Matt [4].
When I was younger, I was both creative and industrious. I remember one day when I was at one
of my friends' houses, his father insisted that he clean up the dog crap in the backyard. Happily, he
lived next to a four lane street. With a limited amount of planning, we began moving small piles of
crap onto the road, forming a line of poop, each pile a foot or so from the next. We continued the
trail all the way to the far end of the street. And as rush hour came, we watched and laughed. Cars
were lined up as far as we could see, nobody wanted to drive through it. Some got out and yelled and
chased us, others just honked and gave us the finger. And a good time was had by all (of us).
----- Posted 5.29.02001 by Brandt.
**** UPDATE 6.12.02001 ****
More:
In high school, we knew this girl who was such a loser. We were in the gym locker room and
while this girl wasn't there, one of my friends crapped in the her back pants pocket!! We watched from
around the corner as she put the pants on and a look of disgust crept across her face!
----- Posted 6.12.02001 by Emily.
A few weeks ago, my company was forced to lay off about 25% of the staff. I fortunately
survived the cut. A few hours after the news broke, I went into the bathroom and discovered a huge
mess in the toilet. Not just logs, but splatters all up and down the sides of the bowl. Whoever
deposited this mess certainly tried hard. Was it just a lucky coincidence that this person's crap so
perfectly expressed company morale? Or did someone intentionally eat a whole package of Ex-Lax in
order to leave their own version of a severance package? Either way, it stayed in the bathroom for
three days... no one bothered to flush the toilet, so the mess just hardened and grew stinkier and
stinkier.
----- Posted 6.12.02001 by Dave [5]
**** UPDATE 7.3.02001 ****
More:
One time my sister was banging on the door for like 20 minutes while I was trying to take a dump, and it realy pissed me off. I wiped and decided to lace the toilet seat with super glue, large amounts...
----- Posted 7.3.02001 by DogMonkey.
When I was in High School, we went on our Senior Trip to Great Adventure. It rained the whole day, so my friends and I were real bored. So what do five teenage boys do when they are bored? They screw with people.
----- Posted 7.3.02001 by Tom.
This is an ol' Seminole Floriduh classic. If you're at a party and you realy don't like the individuals having or hosting the party, play a lil' game we like to call "Hide the Log."
----- Posted 7.3.02001 by mutant man rob [6].
If you ever get pissed off at anyone, just put some shit in a plastic baggy and squish it up a little (but not too much). Hand it out to people saying, "Free fudge, come and get it!!!"
----- Posted 7.3.02001 by Melissa [7].
**** UPDATE 7.26.02001 ****
Still more good stuff:
When I was 7, my mother left me in the car with my infant brother while
she went into the store. Naturally, I had to poo... so I climed in the back
seat and laid my loaf. When my mother returned we headed for home. Suddenly, she sensed
the scent of poo. I told her that my brother Jacob had done it. However, a
7-year old's poo size had given me away and my brother got off scott free.
----- Posted 7.26.02001 by Becca.
My friend and I were waiting for a parking space on our street. We lived
in Chicago, so parking was always scarce. One opened up down our street but behind
us so we put it in reverse and headed for the spot... and this old greasy asshole
stole it! We tried to tell him that we had been waiting for the spot, but the guy
just grinned shrugged and walked away. That's when we noticed that the limpdick
left his car windows wide open...
----- Posted 7.26.02001 by Melly.
Let me start of by saying: when you live in a really small redneck town,
there is nothing to do on a Saturday night. Ok, with that said, let me begin.
----- Posted 7.26.02001 by Chris.
**** UPDATE 8.13.02001 ****
Ugh:
On the Radio Program Mark and Brian, there was this caller who admitted to his girlfriend that he had taken a dump in the catbox. He let his girlfriend think that her cat was sick and she took it to the vet.
----- Posted 8.13.02001 by Photar [8].
You have to know a little something about computers for this one. You do two things: get some poop, and get access to the victim's PC. Open the PC and disconnect the fan so it will get really hot in the PC. Put the poop in it and screw the case back togeather. When they turn it on the heat will build up and melt the poop in the computer.
----- Posted 8.13.02001 by Josh.
My friend's brother is like 7 years older than her and when she was little she loved teddy bears. Well, her brother, Brian, took a crap and formed it into a little teddy bear and placed it in her room. And she ended up playing with it.
----- Posted 8.13.02001 by Beka [9].
**** UPDATE 8.23.02001 ****
Now we're getting REALLY mean:
When I was in JR High, I really hated my little sister. She was in band
class and had a trumpet that she carried everyday. Me and my best friend put on
gloves then stuffed as much cat shit out of the litter box into her mouth piece it
could hold. Then we rubbed it all over her keys. Then we took dumps ourselves and
wiped our assses on the inside of the sleeves of her winter coat that she also took
everyday. She came home that day so embarrassed!
----- Posted 8.23.02001 by Heather [10].
One day I was getting a lift home with a friend in his freshly made over car
which he LOVED!!!, when I look down and see a photo (that he must have accidentally
dropped) of him making the moves on my brother's girlfriend. Well, being the sly
character that I am, I decided not to say anything, but to just sit there and
direct the nice cool air conditioning onto my face
----- Posted 8.23.02001 by Greg.
My dad is 43 and did this while in high school. He and a friend were
staying after school one day (I forget the reason), and my dad had to poopie. So
he and a friend went into the bathroom. My dad went into the stall and his frined
hung out in front of the mirror combing his hair. Then for no reason at all my dad
lifted his butt and slid sideways. He let a monster poopie hit the floor. He said
it went *SPLAT* and was very large in length and girth. He wiped his butt and
left.
----- Posted 8.23.02001 by Jim [11].
Make friends with a person you really hate. Go over to their house for the night and be sure to take an
instant handwarmer. Have a friend call your cell phone that morning for
an excuse to leave. About an hour before morning, find a vase, and activate and
place the hand warmer in the bottom of the vase. Then make your deposit. Be sure
the vase is not out in the open. In the morning your friend will call your
cell, letting you escape, and you'll leave your enemy half sick and scratching their head!
----- Posted 8.23.02001 by Rob.
This is fun, but rather cruel, since there is no telling who the victim
will be. In a public restroom, after a nice healthy shit, wipe yourself with a
somewhat smaller-than-usual wad of TP. When you have the place to yourself, hurry and
stuff the foul paper into the downward-pointing nozzle of an electric hand-dryer.
Use a pen or something to stuff it up there since you probably dont want to touch
the poo. Be sure the messy side is face down. Then the unsuspecting victim will
get their hands squeaky clean and go to dry them, only to have the dryer shoot out a shitty
wad of paper into their hands. Fun!
----- Posted 8.23.02001 by Arget [12].
My cousin and I went into a Burger King bathroom and took turns using the same
stall, each of us giving birth to some big healthy logs on the floor. Afterwards,
my insane cousin mummified his hand with many layers of toilet paper and used his
wrapped hand to spread the brown matter all over the floor. He spread it so thin,
into the grooves between the floor tiles, that nearly the whole floor in that
stall was "painted" with a thin layer of smelly brown, with a few extra chunks here
and there. Haha, bet janitor-boy had a fun time cleaning that up.
----- Posted 8.23.02001 by Arget [13].
**** UPDATE 9.24.02001 ****
You people make me sick:
I don't know who did this to us, but it was bad and funny too: I used to work at a gas station and I had to do the gas readings one night (that's where you take a ruler stick and measure the ammount of gas in the tanks). When I lifted the covers I went to pull off the second covers that actually get to the tube that leads to the tank. I noticed some brown friends floating in rain water on the outer part of the tank... someone had left about four turds floating in the water. I told the other employees and they all came to see this ingenious scheme... no one cleaned it out!
----- Posted 9.24.02001 by Jeremiah.
During my sister's birthday party we had about 40 gate-crashers. The people were lined up waiting to use the toilet and there were some girls who couldn't wait any longer. One girl came through to my room and asked me if there was another toilet in the house, I told her that there wasn't and she said she would have to sit down for a while or she would loose it in her pants.
----- Posted 9.24.02001 by Giant Woman [14].
When I was in high school I used to play a fun trick on people. Me and my friends would show up at someone's house and visit for a while. Then I'd act like I was experiencing some gastro-intestinal distress and excuse myself to the bathroom.
----- Posted 9.24.02001 by Chip Brown [15].
The Upper Decker:
----- Posted 9.24.02001 by Steve.
**** UPDATE 10.10.02001 ****
Horrible. Just horrific:
About the only mean thing I did with poop when I was a kid was this: My friends would sleep over my house. Of course we stayed up all night. We would all shit in a box and then dump it out on one of our neighbors' welcome mats. And of course when they left the house they would step in it, or if they happened to see it first they would be grossed out as they cleaned it up.
----- Posted 10.10.02001 by Doniker [16].
I have a twin sister who's a real meanie. So, one day when I had the runs, I took her contact lens solution, poured it out, and added my own liquid potion to the container. Well, needless to say, when my sister tried to rinse her contacts the next day, she almost shat bricks when last night's stew came a runnin' all over her palms. To make it even better, she couldn't find a pair of glasses and had to go blind for a week. She didn't cry any tears, but I did. Tears of happiness.
----- Posted 10.10.02001 by Ezra.
Two years ago, I lived in a dorm suite at college with some friends. The
kids who lived there the next year were jackasses, so we decided to poop-attack them.
My friend had a heart-shaped cookie tin. We got another guy to poop in the cookie
tin, closed it, and then we wrote a note on the top of the tin saying "Thanks for
all the fun guys! Luv 'the girls'." We left it in front of their suite door and
ran away.
----- Posted 10.10.02001 by Jason.
My older brother was being a real asshole to me, so I decided to get even: I ate the biggest steak I could, and everything else... we're talkin a full square meal. Went to go take a shit and noticed his toothbrush on the counter... so I cleaned my ass with his toothbrush.I had to get rid of the brown chunks so I washed it off a bit. For three months he used this toothbrush.
----- Posted 10.10.02001 by Duh.
Take ex-lax, and have massive diarrhea but shit it into an car-oil drain pan, preferably with a nozzle. Having friends contribute helps. Dilute the solution if it is too thick and fill up some water balloons. Happy hunting.
----- Posted 10.10.02001 by Bob.
Go into a public bathroom. Poop. Wipe with a dollar bill (make sure it's nice and brown on one side, and clean on the other). Put the bill on the floor, clean side face up. Hide and watch for shits and giggles when someone picks it up.
----- Posted 10.10.02001 by Poop on a Stick [17].
A few years back a friend and I worked in a high class office building. There were constant problems with the toilets being plugged and/or over running for hour and flooding offices. Over time people in the building became really pissed off and started hanging rude signs on the walls about not flushing paper towels (which my friend often used on the seat).
----- Posted 10.10.02001 by John P.
**** UPDATE 11.8.02001 ****
No, wait. It's gets worse:
Some of my fondest memories as a child are of my notoriously prankster
mother's games. Often, her weapon of choice was poop.
----- Posted 11.8.02001 by Klint [18].
Get a bag from a popsicle. Take a crap in it. Then stick the popsicle
stick inside the bag. Glue the bag shut. Leave the bag out where someone will
find it. When they open the bag they will receive their reward, a poopsicle!
----- Posted 11.8.02001 by Ray Bolander [19].
You will need two bars of soap and some abilit. It's best to get the single
wrapped kind, make sure the bar is as square as possible, without
any weid shapes.
----- Posted 11.8.02001 by Luke.
My friend and I were really pissed off at some guys in gym class, and
decided to get some revenge. The teacher carries all the locker assignments and lock
combo's, so after school we went into his office and my friend made a distraction.
I found the combos and locker numbers of the offenders and shat in their shorts.
----- Posted 11.8.02001 by The "A" Guy.
I was on a camping trip with Scouts. We had this chicken, rice, and
cheese stuff for dinner. Everyone had to take massive shits in the pit john later
that night. I got my friends to hand plastic bags below, we saved it until the end
of the week and threw it into another campsite in the middle of camp on the last
night. The next morning, the whole camp smelled like shit.
----- Posted 11.8.02001 by Walt [20].
I used to work on large jets doing cleaning and stuff. I was always sick
of the mess everybody leaves on the plane. So one night I lifted up a seat cusion
near the back and "layed a trout" under the cusion. I put the cusion back and
left the plane.
----- Posted 11.8.02001 by Rocho.
**** UPDATE 12.5.02001 ****
More madness:
My buddy used to do two things with poop:
----- Posted 12.5.02001 by Joe [21].
Find a paper towel dispenser in a single user restroom where you can lock
the door. The dispenser should be about 3 feet off the ground. Pop open the
dispenser with a Swiss army knife or something similar, but don't break the
dispenser. Open the lid, hold it under your ass, and drop a deuce in the lid. Close the
dispenser and clean off any feces that may have seeped out using t/p. Make sure
the dispenser has no shit on the outside, so no one suspects the secret prize
inside!
----- Posted 12.5.02001 by Rick Slade [22].
Once I had to go to a pot luck dinner, so I did a dump on a plastic bag
and then froze the offending log. I then sliced the turd into into neat little
slices, garnished them with sour cream and parsley and then arranged them on a
platter. I made the whole lot look like nice little nibbly bites. I then placed the
dish amongst all the others when no one was looking and then left the party. Because
it was frozen it didn't smell. Lesson: Don't try foods you can't identify.
----- Posted 12.5.02001 by Undy Bumgrope.
My mom made fudge. So I took a chit and sprinkled little balls I made out
of it all over the fudge. Brother ate fudge. I laughed my ass off.
----- Posted 12.5.02001 by Lisa.
My neighbor's dog is one miserable, ornerey mutt. He howls and barks at me
endlessly as I try to work in the back yard. The other night I was
walking home from a friend's place after drinking a mug of his home-made beer
(which had made its way to my bowels at lightening speed).
----- Posted 12.5.02001 by Finkmeister.
**** UPDATE 1.3.02002 ****
Another year, another bunch of ways to be a dick:
My friend in college was a sick bastard. He drank like a fish and loved to
get naked in public and to play poop/pee pranks. He decided one day to make
someone sick. He had a pan of moist and chewy brownies. He rolled the brownie loaf
into a turd-looking log. He garnished it with a sparing helping of golden niblet
corn. He then Lysol-ed and thoroughly cleaned the toilet seat in one of the stalls.
----- Posted 1.3.02002 by Pete Pooperman [23].
It is a tradition of mine to give one of my guy friends some shit for his
birthday. I get pretty creative sometimes. Last time I decided to find a perfect cow
pie in my dad's cattle lot. It was perfect - corn and all - and I slipped it in a
plastic bag, with a cool ass tag decribing the "product".
----- Posted 1.3.02002 by Aud.
When I was 15, I got invited to my first slumber party. The mom let
us poop and pee and everything thing in this milk carton... then they got me
to splash it on their nasty neighbor's riding lawnmower. Tou could smell it
from the road...
----- Posted 1.3.02002 by Horseragg.
Me and my freind Pat were drunk one night. Being the cruel assholes that
we are, we took his cat's shit, combined it with our own, and made some lovely meals out
of it. We wraped some duece in a slice of cheese and fed it to the dog. He ate it
without a problem. We took shit and drenched it in things like bacon bits and BBQ
sauce and kept feeding all his pets. No animals were harmed! (i think)
----- Posted 1.3.02002 by Duece Fiend [24].
Try this one at a party, after a long day. Stick your right hand down the
crack of your sweaty ass and rub it all over your stinky butthole (best done
discreetly, preferably in another room). Head for the fridge, crack a beer and sniff it
while holding bottle in left hand. Switch beer to right hand and hold to victims
nose while asking "does this beer smell funny?" Works every time. hehehe
----- Posted 1.3.02002 by Leggy [25].
**** UPDATE 1.25.02002 ****
This will be the last batch. You people are sick:
A few years back there was this girl on my soccer and my basketball team
at school who was a complete bitch. So to get her back my friends and I made cupcakes in which we added a special
ingredient... Ex-Lax! We tripled the dose in both the batter and in the frosting and fed it to her
in that afternoon spanish class we had together. SUCCESS!!
----- Posted 1.25.02002 by Emily [26].
Last year my friend'ss father was being very nasty to her so she thought that she
would get him back. One night her boyfriend bought her some ex-lax... well since she usually
makes her dad's coffee, she decided to add a few more ingredients to get the asshole
back. Well, while drinking his coffee he noticed that there was a milky white
residue at the bottum and questioned about it, my friend explained she must have not
mixed it all the way... well a little while after that he dad was taking his usual
trot down to the toilet. He went about half way and yelled... holy shit! and he
ran the rest of the way holding his ass cheeks together. My friend said that he repeated
this ordeal for the next few hours and she almost pissed herself laughing.
----- Posted 1.25.02002 by Emily [27].
One day my friends and I were feeling pretty bored in school so we decided
to make a little trip to the bathroom. Well, you know how wonderful school food can be so
I wasn't feeling very good so I dropped off about 20 pounds of friends at the pool in
that wonderful school toilet with the itchiest toilet paper.
----- Posted 1.25.02002 by Emily [28].
When I was younger, we loved playing tricks on this little mamas-boy
bastard. We got a few dishes out and put sweettarts on each dish for each person.
However, the sweettarts for this loser got pissed and shit on, as well as traveled up
a few assholes. We let them dry, put them on the dish and carried them out to the
group of kids playing nintendo. Everyone ate the candy happily. Being the loser I
was, I called the kid later on to tell him what happened. I didn't want him to
die or get sick because then I'd be grounded for the rest of the summer.
----- Posted 1.25.02002 by Shite.
A fine prank if you work construction or live on a farm is to tip an out house.
perferably a heavy out house with its door to the ground. Now comes the funny
part as you cheer and coax the farmer to free himself by entering the shitty hole
and having to cross the shit pit.
----- Posted 1.25.02002 by Stanley.
Another fine prank I find exhilirating when walking the dog is to wait
for your canine friend to defecate. With this fecundant excrement your going to need
a plastic bag, gloves or newspaper. Take this edifice of brown play-doh and place
it around door handles or under car door handles around your freindly
neighborhood.
----- Posted 1.25.02002 by Stanley.
Yes I recall a time when a buddy of mine payed rent but his roomate could
not pay that month. Still his landlord who had keys to the fuse box decided it
to be fitting to turn off half the power to the house as well as kick them out.
When he did so he turned off power to the part of the house that had the
refridgerator. Bad idea.
----- Posted 1.25.02002 by Stanley.
Another fun thing to do when visiting a public rest room to pinch is to
simply lean your ass over the side and shit on the floor. It defies all convention
and! provides work for our fine friendly janitors.
----- Posted 1.25.02002 by Stanley.
This was done by my great-uncle and his friend who would later become a
minister. My uncle and his freind hated this kid in their neighborhood...t his was
around 1953-54 I guess. They took a Baby Ruth wrapper on a chilly autumn day and
sealed it around some rubbery Duke complete with nuts. They fed it to this kid and
he asked for another one. They died laughing in his face... and he still didn't
understand why they laughed which made them laugh harder. I then upon seeing this
kid, who was an old man by the time I had heard this story, asked him how that
Baby Ruth was...
----- Posted 1.25.02002 by Brithael [29].
I've had enough. 63 examples of how terrible humanity is. I don't want any more for now. If you have a technique you'd like to share, submit it as a comment, because I can't stomach this any more.
-- Dave