Dear Poopreport,

I need some poop advice. I just got a new job. Well, sort of a new job. During the school year, I'm the assistant manager of a pizza place. Now that I'm free, I've been transfered over to another pizza place across town, and I'm managing it for the summer.

At my old store the staff bathroom was in the back corner, and people could shit without any odors wafting out to the customer area, and usually the rest of the kitchen staff couldn't even tell if someone had shitted unless they were right by the bathroom.

But at my new store, the bathroom is right behind the counter, and if someone takes a shit EVERYONE can smell it. I don't want the kids taking shits at work if they can avoid it because I don't think it will encourage customers to return.

Now, I don't want to be some "Poop Nazi" but I need to find a way to prevent people from shitting at work (unless of course it's a dire emergancy, or if they've been at work for 8 hours). Most of the staff only work 2-4 hour shifts, so I'm sure most of them can shit before work or wait until they're off.

Legally I don't think I'm allowed to say anything at all to the staff about this (I'm looking in to that) so I need to find a way to make shitting at work so unappealing that nobody will do it unless a) there's nobody in the store, or b) they really really have to go. I don't want to be a bastard and turn people into Shameful Shitters.

I'm thinking of "institutionalizing" the bathroom: get rid of the air freshener, bring in some one ply sandpaper for wiping, disable the fan (which doesn't do anything except make a lot of noise, or maybe I should tweak the fan so it makes even louder more annoying noises), and crank the heat up to make it uncomfortably hot in there. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should and should not do?