A while back, I was employed at a large chain bookstore. There was only one set of bathrooms for customers and employees alike, but we made do. One day I wandered into the men's room and entered the first stall. I was in no way prepared for what I saw. On the back lip of the toilet seat sat a log that must have been about seven inches long and quite thick. Horrifying indeed. But that was not the worst of it -- for surrounding the log (which itself was quite solid) was a pool of liquid shit that nearly made me throw up. The puddle was augmented by the most amazing splash -- it extended a foot or two up the wall behind the toilet.

I quickly ran away to report this to my friends back at the information desk. I remember describing this shitty creation/accident as something out of the movie Alien. I was very disturbed... I was shaking.

My friends gleefully went to see for themselves, and returned coughing and giggling. Did we report this to the management? Hell no. We didn't want to be associated with such horror at all.

And then, over the PA system, we heard: "George to the men's restroom, please." We lost it when we heard that -- management had been informed about the monster. And now George would have to deal with it.

George was our easygoing, child-like retarded janitor. He was placed with our store through a program for disabled people. He was fairly high functioning and was nice, polite, and wouldn't hurt a fly. He did not deserve to be dragged into this. But as the low man with the mop, it was his duty. We cringed at the thought of what he must be going through in that stall, attempting to rein in that mess.

My friend went to gather us some more information from the bathroom, and returned to report gagging sounds coming from the stall where George was cleaning up. Totally understandable. If I were him, I would have quit right there, rather than face what was spread all over that stall.

Later on, I ran into George. He had on a fresh new t-shirt and told me, "Look, the managers gave me this shirt because I helped out so good." I felt terrible for the guy -- he had obviously got shit on his own shirt and probably thrown up on it, too. But he was my hero that day. He went where our higher-functioning brains wouldn't allow us to go, and did what us lesser men were unable.

-- Matt J.