One Company. 60 People. No Toilets.

As I was walking to the bathroom, the receptionist shouted at me, "the toilet doesn't flush, so don't take a big crap!"

As it turns out, the toilets are out of commission here at my company. Enjoy the following company-wide email exchange:

(names changed to protect the innocent)

HILLARY C.:

The Mens and Ladies Bathrooms are unavailable immediately until 6PM tonight.
We will let you know when this issue has been resolved.

JESUS C.:

For #1 and #2? Or just #2?

HILLARY C.:

For everything and anything.

GEORGE W.B.:

Good thing I saved my snapple bottle from lunch.....

DICK C.:

I accidentally drank somebody's Snapple that was in the fridge. I think it was mislabeled.

Incidentally, it is now the next day, and the toilets still aren't working. As you may remember from this [1] article, I'm incredibly regular, so in about an hour, I'm going to have a BIG problem...

3:00 PM, the toilets are still down. I went to the bathroom to pee, and decided to check on the stalls.

Now, a modern toilet has two distinct functions: A) To act as a receptacle for bodily waste, and B) To dispose of said bodily waste.

I guess when I found out the toilets weren't working, I assumed that the toilets were unable to perform either function. However, I realize now I wasn't "thinking outside the box." Because, as many of my coworkers have realized (and demonstrated), just because a toilet cannot perform Function B does not mean it is unable to perform Function A.

Have you ever looked in a toilet that has been used REPEATEDLY over a 24-hour period without being flushed? I have, and I saw some stuff that I didn't know the human body was capable of.

It's times like these when I am thankful that PoopReport has a NO PICTURE policy. Because this would be the worst picture you have ever seen. And I swear to God, one of the toilets has blood in it.

By the way, for those of you keeping score at home, I went to a restaurant for my morning poop.

Upon exiting the bathroom, I told the receptionist, "Those toilets are DISGUSTING."

"Yes," she replied. "And I could probably tell you exactly who did it..."