One night the kids had been taken to the Dairy Queen for dinner. Apparently they'd all eaten the brownie surprise because they all had the poopers. The most awful aspect of this is that they all picked the same toilet and didn't flush -- so by the time the little angels were all tucked in bed and I stumbled across the loo, it was packed with Dairy Queen's revenge.
I tried flushing but it was like The Blues Traveler guy trying to pull off a pair of spandex shorts. Heavy equipment and a blowtorch to be required.
I worried that the parents would come home and discover this situation. I went out to the garage and got a bucket and a plastic shovel, and got the grunge out of that bowl. Then the flushing worked -- although the toilet was still more grumpy than J Lo at a Mates For Life conference.
I didn't know what to do. I was the owner of a bucket full of sewage in a Home Alone type neighborhood. It wasn't every day someone walked out on their pristine lawns and hurled a load of grunt. I made the decision to put the stuff into the trunk of my Dodge Dart.
On the way home (about three in the morning) I stopped off at my old boyfriend's house. I had a key to his car trunk which had accidentally been left in my car and that I had not returned. It was a big deal at school that he was going out with the most stuck up girl who I'll call "Sadie Braindead." She actually wore Versace to school.
I put the incriminating stench into his trunk.
The next night we spotted his car at the movies and let the air out of a tire. We waited from a parking spot hidden in the darkness.
Out they strutted after Phone Booth. But their evening had only just begun.
He saw the tire, so they both went unlatch the trunk. They opened it and jumped back quicker than Hillary Clinton at a Liar's Convention.
Word at school was that Sadie was shocked by the sight that she decided to go back to her old boyfriend. I did my old boyfriend a favor.
-- Roxanne