My family had this tradition of driving down the the Gulf Coast every summer for a few days of relaxing and fishing. We would stay at a hotel that was right on the beach. It really sucked if you had to take a shit... you had to march all the way up to the hotel, shit, pull your cold wet bathing suit back on and walk back down to the beach.

Well one time when I was about 10 or 11 I had to poop REALLY bad, and there was no way I was going to walk all the way back to the hotel. So I decided to turn the ocean into my own personal toilet. I got in the water, swam out a bit, and prepared to poop, thinking I was very clever.

But as soon as I pinched a loaf it FLOATED UP TO THE SURFACE! And once I started, the procedure could not be aborted. Soon I was surrounded by brown nuggets surfacing around me.

I was horrified -- I had figured that poop would sink to the bottom like in a toilet. But it seemed that poop has a tendency to float in salt water. What did i do? I played it off and got the hell out of there.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the Atlantic, my shit is still floating.

-- Melly [1]