Can you tell us when it would have been appropriate to pull the switch on the Niagara Valve? I was in the Chatbox last night, and I was wishing for something like the Niagara Value. And this I know, that you deserved that commendation for coolness. Keep up the good work.

I think it was appropriately used when there was something clogging up the line, such as too much shit from one source, and you needed a quick way to get rid of it. Everything would soon get back to normal, though.

"And as usual, some wiseguy had to throw a Molotov cocktail into it to start some fun. "
If that was considered fun, I would hate to see what happened during a riot.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

This is an even better read the second time. All too infrequently, someone with that special PR touch appears on the horizon, and The Dumpster definitely qualifies. If I'm not mistaken, I believe this story appeared as a comment under another story on the Front Page, and I recommended to The Dumpster that he not waste such talent on responses and give Dave-O a shot at showcasing him on center stage.

The Dumpster is at once the freshest and most prolific presence we've had on here in a long time.

Keep it up, O Fellow Southerner!

Nice try, TBW, trying to take credit for him. He belongs to us all.

I can only dream of having a poop life as exciting as The Dumpster's. Sigh. Good to see this get a front page spot.

PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

It's always nice to see a fantastic story from the forums make it to the front page, good story Dumpster, you may not know it but some of the best writing has the same origins as this gem. My favorite of all time would be Chip Browns, I-75 story, also retrieved from the forums. You've entered PR sacred ground.

The kudos for The Dumpster remind me of something I've been meaning to post somewhere on the site. Awhile back, I put up a post over on the Forums that we guys needed some fresh blood to hang with the ladies, who are more than well-represented on the site by such stall-farts (no offense intended, ladies!) as AB2K, daph, Di, TSV, wonderpance and so many others.

Way to go, guys--I'm referring now to The Dumpster, Bunga Din and Bilgepump--who've bolstered our numbers and output substantially and substantively in recent months. (I would say input, but that's not the PR Way, ya know?)

It's always great when both genders contribute their unique points of view.

Hey KeepOn Crappin too TBW, he's been real active, I believe he'll outpost me and I've been pretty....anal?

The more the merrier, of course. But I was kinda drawing a bead on those who had contributed across the board--with stories and articles on the Front Page and Forum posts. I think that anyone who doesn't wade into the Forums is missing an integral part of the camaraderie of PR.

"I think that anyone who doesn't wade into the Forums is missing an integral part of the camaraderie of PR." Well, perhaps so, TBW. It's their loss then. But I would hope that we not foster a sense on PR that unless someone ventures into the forums, that somehow they are not a full-fledged member of PR, or vice versa. This is a big tent.

You drawing beads on me is making me kinda uncomfortable, your from New Orleans right, does this mean I gotta show you my Man mammeries? I just hope you like my manssiere.

Hey, bunga, over on the Forums today, AB2K got the impression you might have stayed up all night posting. Yeah or nay? All-night anal or not? Heh.

P.S. I lived in New Orleans for a long time but moved away six years ago. As for the mansierre, I'm not a top man.

I sleep weird since boozeless and work out of home so I cut my own schedule...guilty

SPeaking of me, I just sent Dave KOC at KFC, so expect to see that soon.

I was up most of the night because I haven't had a good night's sleep since Frederick passed. I thought of getting on the computer. Maybe I should have and kept Bunga company.

I agree with the Wiper that it's about time some new manmeat came on the scene. Great story Dumpster. I am fiding myself anxious to read more!

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Manmeat...memo to self....lose the massiere.

Memo to self, preview comment, see above re:manssiere

I always enjoy some good ol' college crapper stories. The stuff that happens in dorms is amazing. I was once visiting a friend who was an RA up at Nothern Arizona University (which is only a "university" in the technical sense of the term. So far as I could tell no actual learning took place there); we were awakened by a knock on the door only to be greeted by some turd terrorist's watery offering. Gross.

Gosh, I don't know what to say to all these nice comments. There is more talent on this forum for creative writing about shit than anywhere outside the Congressional Information Office.

As TBW notes, I wrote this as a comment to one of his posts the very first time I ever came on this site--I wasn't even a registered user then. There is just something about the way our collective memories of merde tend to jog one another's that gives this site its unique aroma and appeal.

I've always said it is harder to tell a good story about something true than it is about something made up, but PR really bears out the adage that "truth is stranger [and a hell of a lot funnier] than fiction."

Thank you for all your kind words; please don't post any more of them because it just encourages me! And especial thanks to Dave and his team of site moderators for their labors of love in helping us to have such good clean fun about such a dirty subject!

Long live PoopReport--The Disneyland of Doo-Doo!

This is Crappiest Place on Earth for sure

Logjam, in regards to your first comment, I guess I pulled a Claxton, huh? I wonder who felt like the bigger dipshit afterwards.

And I wouldn't say you have to participate on the forums to be considered a full-fledged member, and I know your personal position on the subject so I won't pester you about it, but I think that being on the forums is a more fun experience because you really get to know your fellow pooper as a person and not a persona.

Oh, and bunga: It's a bro.

You pulled a Claxton? I don't think so. What we NEEDED was a Claxton. You pulled a Houdini.

I said I did, Logjam. Not you. Never mind.

Sorry, I did an edit before I saw your comment. Hey, you're goddamn fast. (And sweet).

Whew, and I thought you were mad at me. (You probably should be.) The part about feeling like a dipshit still stands.

And I'm doing what I do in the forums, which is derail threads. Back to where we should be, which is that Dumpster's story is totally hilarious, as well as the visual of ten stories of toilets flushing at the same time. Imagine the noise that must have made!

That was a great story. I was an RA in college too. I could remember some funny stories, like this one guy who had IBS. The dorm was hotel style and very long, probably 100 yards from the elevators in the middle to the end on each side. The IBS dude was in the last room on the hall. He would take a shit and it had such a unique smell; not a smell that was too bad, but bad enough to be noted but not cause puking. I could always tell when he would take a shit because I'd step off the elevator right into the odor - he would have to open the door to his room to fumigate it with the windows open as well, and the pressure of the building would suck the smell right up the elevator shafts. Sometimes could be smelled even a few floors up.

What worse is whensome one rips one off in an Eleavator. THe smell is carried to all flors and all elevators.

LJ, I agree with you that AB2K is definitely sweet. She has the kindest ways of telling one that one is full of shit. You know what they say about a rose by any other name....

What kind of an idiot throws a molotov cocktail down a clogged garbage chute in their dorm? People do dumb things when they're drunk, but that's beyond stupid.

You know what? That was a really interesting story to read, and poop wasn't even mentioned (at least not directly). I was SURE when you described the trash chute that cascading crap was comin' up (or rather, down).

DAmn, that's still a funny thought of a molotov jst blowing up in a trash chute.

And "Claxton" would be a good dog name.

Just read this one. It is one of the funniest stories I have read on this site!

This should be a scene in a movie. I especially like the description of the guys jumping off the toilets and out of the showers. Guy movie classic!

The garbage chute backed up to the fourth floor made me laugh. What is it with drunken college guys and sudden pyromania? This happened at my mother's dorm when some son of a bitch loaded the elevator with garbage. Another guy came along and thought it would be funny to set the whole thing on fire.

I am SO glad I never lived in dorms!

I wonder if the college kids who are visiting the site might relate to this one.

Dumpster, this is a fantastic story and it's a pleasure to read it on its first anniversary, especially as I only read it once last time.

Casting my mind back to college, I remember one incident in which a guy took half a toilet bowl away. It wasn't shattered into pieces; rather, a massive chunk of porcelain had been smashed away from it.

I don't know how he did it, and if I remember correctly, I don't think he himself knew how he had managed it, for he was blind drunk at the time. Looked like it involved the use of an axe or a sledgehammer, though.

Nothing as funny as this ever happened during my time at college, though. A brilliant story, and I would agree with TSV that it would make a good movie scene.

Thanks, Scat. I can't believe it has been a year since this was posted!

Maybe you, TSV, and I should get together and make "PoopReport: The Movie."