I was working in a factory - nothing special -just another factory. It was place populated with hard drinkers and those that live off of that vile vending machine food that isn't fit for a dog. I call this type of food gut grenades because you know that a short time after you eat it, your digestive tract is going to explode.
During my employment I became friends with Bob, a guy there that was known just like me to be able to melt the eyes right out of your head with the smell of our farts. I will be honest, I was jealous of Bob. He had actually cleared a room with the stench of his air biscuits during a safety meeting we were having, a task that I was never able to accomplish. I had always hoped that one day I could reach that level of reek.
We used to warn people that if we ever started eating that garbage they sold in the vending machines, they'd have to close the building down and turn the area it into a toxic waste dump. They all thought we were being funny because they had many times walked into the crapper and had to smell the aroma of digested factory food mixed with various types of booze from our co-workers. All I can say it that they were warned.
One day I woke up late and had to rush out of the door without eating any breakfast. I decide that one morning of factory food wouldn't hurt.
I got to work and went to the vending machines, and there in the case were two lovely sausage, egg and cheese biscuits. I bought them both, wolfed them down, and headed to the production floor. I probably should have thought this through since the previous evening I’d eaten a large batch of spicy chicken wings with a large amount of blue cheese dressing for dinner. A few hours into out shift my guts began to rumble and I started producing some very nasty odors which, in turn, grossed out several of my co-workers. Bob, of course, was quite amused but kept rubbing it in my face how he had actually cleared a room.
About a half hour later it was time. Along came one of those farts that you know if released will be accompanied by a bit of the old solid waste. I headed off the production floor and entered the shitter; it had a single seat and two pissers. I was damn glad that nobody was on the throne at that moment because I don't think that I could have made it to the other crapper without shitting my pants. I entered the stall, dropped trou, and slammed my ass down on the seat. At that moment a stream of hot steamy ass juice shot into the bowl. We called it "pissing out the ass" because there was nothing solid, and it made the same sound as when you are taking a leak. I think my system dumped every miniature morsel of solid waste from my intestines along with a few of my internal organs, but I felt oh so good after releasing all of that sewage. The smell was horrific, but hey it was mine.
I checked the bowl to see my work, and the liquid shit had splashed up and damn near covered the entire inside of the bowl! I decided to sit there for a few minutes just to let my brown eye recover from the ass lava that had just passed through it. I heard the door swing open and saw someone pass by as they headed for the urinal. The next sound I heard was that of a zipper being pulled down and then right back up; and as he passed by to head out the door all I heard was him saying "God Damn". I was so proud at I had actually chased someone out of the crapper with my odor and had to laugh a little. I finished up my business and began to exit the stall just when one of the biggest pricks that I worked with entered. His nose wrinkled, he head back out the door while exclaiming “Jesus fucking Christ that's disgusting." His remark made me break out into a fit of laughter. They had been warned.
I washed my hands, went back to the line and told Bob of my accomplishment. We both laughed throughout the day.
‘Twas a proud day for me; I actually made two people put their bodily functions on hold just because my ass can produce toxic fumes.
The Chocolate Starfish
