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Where is CEP When He's Needed?

Postby ChiefThunderbutt on Mar 16 2017 10:34 am

We need someone well versed in the art of insults to take on the bottled water industry. I seldom use the stuff but on occasion find myself in a situation where it's either a drink of Clorox tasting water from a fountain or a bottle of much better tasting water from a nearby vending machine. The problem is that most of the plastic bottles are extremely flimsy and are filled all the way to the top. Get a good grip on the bottle as you twist off the cap and chances are that when the cap comes off a good percentage of the contents will end up in your lap and everyone will think you pissed your pants.

Gee wilikers, gol dang it, gosh darn, dang nab it, I'm dying here and need help with some expletives.
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Re: Where is CEP When He's Needed?

Postby Jack Schitt on Mar 16 2017 10:54 am

He was logged in as of Monday, so he's still lurking. Come on CEP, let us see how a pro flames.
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Re: Where is CEP When He's Needed?

Postby prarie doggin on Mar 17 2017 7:18 pm

The bottled water companies are using as thin a plastic they can to hold the water and not crush when stacked up in cases. It's all about cost savings and they don't give a rats ass if someone with sausage fingers can't open one without shooting water out the top. Chief, buy the gallon jugs of spring water and fill a glass soda jar, or sturdy plastic bottle as needed. You should look at the generic waters and as long as the source is listed as a spring in a pristine area and not Flint Michigan or something, you should have good water. I'm sure CEP has some pretty good sources for great water in Idaho. I will be flying up to Ak this summer and driving a rig back for a customer. I plan to load up a few dozen cases of local water that I used to ship out of from Wasilla. The water is actually tapped from beneath a glacier and had fallen as snow about 80,000 years ago. I've tasted nothing like it in my life.

Chief, blaming your sweaty balls on some spilled water is pretty lame.
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Re: Where is CEP When He's Needed?

Postby tuba cheeks on Mar 30 2017 8:10 pm

Right after they take on the fucking potato chip companies that seal their bags too well.

It takes so much goddamned force to open a bag of munchies these days, that the cocksucking thing lets go all of a sudden and explodes everywhere!

AND those dog fucking potholes outside coffee shops. I swear, next time I get hot coffee shot up my nose, or splashed all over my shirt and dashboard, I'm going to take a shit on someone's doorstep...
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Re: Where is CEP When He's Needed?

Postby prarie doggin on Mar 31 2017 7:36 am

Tuba, I usually leave my coffee in the cup holder for about 5 miles or so. That way about 3/4 of it splashes out and the rest is easy to handle.

I didn't say it was economical.
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Re: Where is CEP When He's Needed?

Postby ChiefThunderbutt on Mar 31 2017 10:36 am

tuba cheeks wrote:Right after they take on the fucking potato chip companies that seal their bags too well.

It takes so much goddamned force to open a bag of munchies these days, that the cocksucking thing lets go all of a sudden and explodes everywhere!

AND those dog fucking potholes outside coffee shops. I swear, next time I get hot coffee shot up my nose, or splashed all over my shirt and dashboard, I'm going to take a shit on someone's doorstep...


A pox on the snack business, they are in cahoots with Social Security to get old people off the roles by starving them. Arthritis makes those bags impossible for we geezers to open.

I take a decongestant that comes on a card in a plastic bubble that is marked in the place you're supposed to tear it open. Does it tear open there? Not unless you use a pair of scissors first.

My kitchen scissors come apart for easy cleaning. If I loose one of the pieces what do I have left, a scissor?
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Re: Where is CEP When He's Needed?

Postby prarie doggin on Mar 31 2017 6:32 pm

Chief, those chip bags and even the single serve ketchup packets open up real easy if you back your car over them. Honestly I don't know why you haven't thought of that yourself.
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