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Piss Report or Fart Report?

Postby Deja Poo on Jun 06 2016 6:37 pm

I can't tell, but I'm going with Piss Report. It's difficult to say because it involves both. Simultaneously. More or less.

The other day at work, I had to take a roaring piss. I had 20 oz glass of water with breakfast and, lo and behold, an hour later, I needed to pee. Of course, like any good bodily function story, I kept gFetting distracted by trivial matters so that I couldn't get to company piss pot. Finally, a half-hour later, with an aching bladder, I was able to get to the Men's Room.

I have to admit that this 4-holer has exceptional acoustics. While I was unlimbering the timber, I felt the urge to pass some gas. Seeing as how farting while pissing at the urinal is almost a given, and since there was nobody there but me, I decided to go loud and proud. So, I let fly right after I started pissing. And what I thought was going to be a reverberating bomb turned out to be a long, slow rumble. And that rumble went on.

and on.

and on.

And even when I finished pissing (what seemed to be a full minute later), that fart was still blasting away. For fear of disrupting a fart of such epic magnitude, I just stood there letting fly. That concerto seemed to go on for another 30 seconds until it had finally come to its sputtering epilogue.

Once the ass music has ended, I was struck by a kind of sadness that it had to come to an end. I put away my junk, washed my hands and strolled back to my desk, feeling quite smug that I had performed a feat of true beauty.
I came. I saw. I farted.
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Re: Piss Report or Fart Report?

Postby ChiefThunderbutt on Jun 06 2016 6:47 pm

This brought tears to my eyes, I have had similar experiences that not only made my chest swell with pride but also brought stains to my boxers that caused my laundress to glare at me in disgust.
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Re: Piss Report or Fart Report?

Postby prarie doggin on May 12 2017 7:22 pm

Just thought I'd bump this. It's been almost one year since there has been a post in this forum. You mean to tell me none of you guys out there (or gals) have pissed in your pants at an inappropriate time? Something is fishy.
"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated" - Lou Holtz
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Re: Piss Report or Fart Report?

Postby ChiefThunderbutt on May 13 2017 2:55 pm

One of my most embarrassing pee incidents was going out on the catwalk in an old control tower that had no facilities and peeing. The control tower was an old Imperial Japanese Army tower that was on Tama Air Field when the Americans took it over and renamed it Yokota AB at the end of WW-2. We could go down to the crash station and use their bathroom but we only did that for pooping. Anyway...the wind was blowing pretty gustily and a few seconds into my pee I noticed that I was getting a bit of a salt spray in my face, kinda like standing in the prow of a boat on the open sea. After that incident I always checked the wind direction before hanging it over the railing and never pissed into the wind again.
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Re: Piss Report or Fart Report?

Postby prarie doggin on May 13 2017 3:51 pm

You're lucky one of the pilots didn't mistake your wagging member for a hand signal guiding them in for a landing. You could have had much more than piss in your face.
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Re: Piss Report or Fart Report?

Postby tuba cheeks on May 13 2017 6:28 pm

You're a slow learner, Chief- it took you that long to realize you should never piss into the wind? My Gramps told me that when I was still knee high to a grasshopper. If Grandpa said it, it was gospel!
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Re: Piss Report or Fart Report?

Postby prarie doggin on May 14 2017 7:49 am

Since most hillbilly stunts usually start with "hold my beer", I'm not surprised something like this happened.
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Re: Piss Report or Fart Report?

Postby ChiefThunderbutt on May 14 2017 2:16 pm

prarie doggin wrote:Since most hillbilly stunts usually start with "hold my beer", I'm not surprised something like this happened.



Occasionally a daring young hillbilly will leap into a stunt while holding a beer. In order to draw attention to himself he will typically shout, "ya'll watch this!"
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Re: Piss Report or Fart Report?

Postby tuba cheeks on May 14 2017 6:59 pm

That phrase is also known as the redneck suicide note.
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Re: Piss Report or Fart Report?

Postby prarie doggin on May 15 2017 7:15 am

tuba cheeks wrote:If Grandpa said it, it was gospel!


So anything I tell my grandson is gospel? Poor kid is in a lot of trouble.
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Re: Piss Report or Fart Report?

Postby tuba cheeks on May 15 2017 5:08 pm

Worked for mine0 but he wasn't as twisted as you, lol. I can only imagine the stuff you'll get your grandkids to believe!
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Re: Piss Report or Fart Report?

Postby prarie doggin on May 15 2017 7:58 pm

He's a smart kid. Not much vocabulary yet, but he did master "knock it off Gramps" pretty early on.
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