Farting is funny. Why not share your funny fart stories?

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First fart in front of future wife

Postby cornslushie on Sep 18 2006 11:03 pm

I come from a long line of farters. Grandpa would have us kids pull his finger and horrifyingly loud and smelly farts were the result. My 3 brothers and I broke our Mom's will at the supper table with some unholy farting one night. a beer and batchelor diet made me famous at our local bar for joining a group of people and sneaking out some insane SBD's. I would then go into the bowling alley part and peak out the window at the resulting chaos, dry heaving and fingerpointing. Then I got born again and quit drinking, I figured the farts would stop, but they didn't. I used to get real nervous in church, but most chairs and pews are padded, and they absorb the sound and fury pretty good. My wife grew up in an upper middle class family and farting was simply not done. We had only known each other a few months and we were at her place watching tv. Her living room was on the first floor and the bathroom on the 2nd. I kept on excusing myself would go to the bathroom and fart. She thought I had a medical problem, like a bladder infection or something. Well, the urge to fart hit, I politely excused myself and got as far as the landing when I ripped a good one, it sounded like a duck call in the Grand Canyon. Figuring that this was the end of our relationship, I was already trying to think of how to leave with the least amount of shame. Then, the unbelievable happened, my wife giggled. I started laughing and then she really started to yuk it up. I sat down beside her and over the next 14 years broke her will to resist, like my grandpappy, and dad before me. Now, my wife likes to retaliate and about twice a year will lay a good one and get back at me.
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Postby Double Flush on Sep 19 2006 2:35 pm

I'm glad she's accepting of farts and can see them with the same humor that we do. Might she also be a PoopReporter?
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Postby GottaGoGirl on Sep 19 2006 3:44 pm

Welcome, Cornslushie! Great moniker!

Good story! Your darling wife must have been WAITING to let down her reserve and be able to laugh about toots.
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Re: First fart in front of future wife

Postby ChiefThunderbutt on Oct 21 2016 5:13 pm

I was a young airman living in the small town of Ushihama, Japan with the young lady I had already asked to be my wife. I had been exercising extraordinary control over my emissions and had been tactically pinching my cheeks tightly when I felt the urge and so far had been successful in containing my gas until I was alone, but I finally decided that enough was enough. Any woman who married me would have to get used to the occasional fart.

I speak very poor Japanese but I practiced the phrase, "Mushi-ga boku-no oshiri ni-imasu", which translates to. "There's a bug on my ass!" until I could shout it out with ease and sincerity, then one morning, while we were lying on the futon we shared, with me on my stomach, I shouted out my practiced phrase and dutifully my future wife lifted the sheet and began searching my bohunkus for the intruding insect. I let fly with a powerful blast which caused her to giggle mirthfully although it almost ripped off her hand.

Fifty three years, and several thousand farts later, we are still together and loving each others company. In all those years I have heard her fart only twice, once in her sleep and once after a colonoscopy.
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Re: First fart in front of future wife

Postby tuba cheeks on Oct 23 2016 11:58 pm

I had been dating this girl for a bit, and was enjoying a "sleepover" :rodgered: . In the morning, I had to leave for work- an hour away. Thus, I was stumbling around with my eyes half open, trying to gather up all my stuff and get out the door before I was late.

Prior to this morning, I'd been holding my rippers in until I was afraid my head would inflate like a balloon. Releasing the pressure only after I'd left her place and she'd closed the door behind me. Let me tell you- the raucous noises that blasted out of my nether regions then were epic!!! I swear they echoed off the neighbor's house, and rattled their windows! I'd often drive away giggling like a schoolgirl- and ripping a steady stream of noise into my car seat.

This particular morning, I found her sitting on the couch so I bent over to give her a smooch before I left. Apparently, that move was more then my sphincter could take, because just as our lips met "WHOOOONNNNNNNK!!!!!" I nearly died from embarrassment, lol. I appologized, and she just chuckled. ( I'd forgotten about her two brothers- I'm Damn sure they'd broken her in well to the fart game.)

Funny thing is, some time later I was talking to her on the phone and heard her 6 yr old daughter exclaim: "EWW MOMMY FARTED!!!" in the background. Now it was her turn to be embarrassed!

Oh, and yes I most definitely did utterly annihilate her bathroom one night with a couple of nasty as hell B.M's. I did warn her and her cousin beforehand, and waited until they'd used it first. After that, we all retired to the front rooms of the apartment...
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Re: First fart in front of future wife

Postby prarie doggin on Oct 24 2016 6:46 pm

I saw this here before but it's worth another visit in light of this thread.
http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=OVP.V06c06 ... 2&pid=15.1
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Re: First fart in front of future wife

Postby Deja Poo on Oct 30 2016 6:57 pm

Maybe I've just become jaded in my old age, but it only goes from a female Foop to full-fledged Fart when it's so foul that you're actually considering terminating the marriage in the aftermath.

BTW, I've had an attorney tell me that olfactory assault is not really spousal abuse and, therefore, not grounds for divorce. But what does he know? He's never been in the same room when the The Missus has let loose.
I came. I saw. I farted.
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Re: First fart in front of future wife

Postby prarie doggin on Oct 31 2016 9:36 am

Deja, I've never been married to a Russian woman, so I can only guess that they believe that the cold war isn't over.
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Re: First fart in front of future wife

Postby ChiefThunderbutt on Oct 31 2016 9:54 am

My biggest fear is that my Japanese wife, who I have heard fart only twice in over half a century, has had one fermenting inside her that when it finally lets go will wipe Middle Tennessee off the face of the earth. Payback for Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
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Re: First fart in front of future wife

Postby prarie doggin on Oct 31 2016 11:39 am

Hopefully I'm outside the fallout zone of that mushroom cloud (or would it be kimchee cloud) :o
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