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Today, I am a man.

Postby tuba cheeks on Dec 19 2016 3:46 pm

Today was an ordinary day, like most others. Got up, went to work- finished my run, stopped for chow, etc.

Then it all changed.

Having finished for the day, I stopped at my favorite BBQ joint in Northern VA on the way back to the yard. MAN, did I need a piss!! Kinda felt like a shite would be coming soon ,too.

As I got closer to the shithouse, the urge to make mud got stronger and stronger. By the time I was outside the crapper door, my cheeks were squeezed together tight! I pushed in through the door and noticed all the stalls were empty, and there was just one guy draining the lizard at a urinal.

It was just then that IT arrived.

A massive musical fart SO powerful and explosive that I RANG THE FUCKING BATHROOM! Seriously, it was sudden, ear splittingly loud, and it made the entire room resonate. Like an enraged elephant bellowing out a long note. The guy's head snapped around so fast, I thought he was going to piss all over the floor! He just stared at me agape, in stunned silence.

I just shrugged my shoulders, and continued power walking to the nearest stall. Let me tell you- he wasted NO time getting the fuck out of there.

By the time I got there, the urge to crap was gone... I took a long hard piss, and sat down anyway- no sense wasting the opportunity. Eventually, an average sized solid terd pushed it's way out. Kinda anti-climactic...

Later, when I got to the truckstop, I went in for a shower. While undressing I felt the unmistakable urge for another round. All I can say about this is what the actual fuck... I didn't eat much yesterday, and had already dooked. Where the HELL this all came from is a mystery.

I extruded what felt like several feet of soft brown rope, in a looooooooonnnnnnngggggg unbroken POOOOOOOOOOOP. This was interrupted by some rather muddy sounding putt-putt farts, and then more pooooooop. After a pause, another foot or so of cable was extruded, before I was finally done. I now felt several pounds lighter.

Had to stand up and flush before I could wipe, as I was afraid of what the back of my hand would encounter if I reached back there. "Jumpin Jehosaphat - That's a LOT of SHIT!!"" That bowl was mounded up good and proper. The hole in the bottom was full, and it had piled up well above the (now higher) waterline. It flushed alright, but left a galaxy of skidmarks around the bowl for the janitor to admire while cleaning up the room for the next guy.


All in all. it was a good day!
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Re: Today, I am a man.

Postby prarie doggin on Dec 20 2016 8:41 am

Congratulations on your passage into manhood. It however, won't be a pleasant passage into geezerhood for you if you extrude one of those massive loads into an adult diaper.
"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated" - Lou Holtz
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Re: Today, I am a man.

Postby tuba cheeks on Dec 20 2016 6:13 pm

Probably not...

The title mainly referred to that room ringing fart, though. That dude's reaction was priceless!
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Re: Today, I am a man.

Postby prarie doggin on Feb 09 2017 11:46 am

I was in a place that manufactures frozen pizzas the other day and I was hit with a violent urge to shit. I have been there before and the dock area is always awash with the smell of pizza being baked before freezing. My shit explosion was so nasty that in the area around the bathroom, the shit molecules over powered the pizza smell. I'm sure some of them wafted over to the baking area, so as a public announcement, please refrain from buying/consuming any frozen pizzas for a while. Sorry, I can't mention the company name.
"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated" - Lou Holtz
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Re: Today, I am a man.

Postby Jack Schitt on Feb 09 2017 6:36 pm

I occasionally buy frozen pizzas, thanks for the heads up. I think this might include most truck stop pizzas Tuba.
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Re: Today, I am a man.

Postby prarie doggin on Feb 10 2017 8:45 pm

It's hard to tell how old some frozen goods are, but I'm guessing a good estimate of molecular half-life in this case to be about a month. But then again, I'm going there next week, so who knows.
"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated" - Lou Holtz
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